Experts have Said and Studies have Shown, no less. Therefore it is undeniably true. Cocaine is no more addictive than ice cream.
They must be watering that cocaine stuff down. Not so long ago it was only as harmless as smoking, now it’s as safe as a Tutti-Frutti with a Flake in it. Well, we all know that choc chip is a gateway to more serious icecreams and that people in jingly vans will push that ’99′ experience on the kids at every opportunity. Then they drive off, laughing like a Bond villain, while the children get hooked on that evil dairy produce. I think the cows are behind it all, you know.
I’ve never tried cocaine but I’ve tried ice cream. Giving it up wasn’t hard at all. This far north, ice cream is not an appealing foodstuff in the winter so by the end of September, I am clean of ice cream but hooked on crumbles and custard. That’s probably as addictive as cocaine too, especially later on when the first rhubarb grows. This year I think I’ll force some rhubarb, and get me some of that hard stuff. If I’m feeling really daring I might put ice cream on it as well.
The reason I, like most people, haven’t tried cocaine is that I consider it a dangerous and addictive drug (that’s just me, I don’t care if someone else wants it), but now the Experts have Said it’s no more dangerous than ice cream, I expect sales will rocket. I still won’t try it, it might react badly with the remaining blood in my alcohol-stream, but I’m sure many will be encouraged by what this Study has Shown.
Is there anything out there that isn’t as addictive as cocaine now? Is there no depth of stupidity the shattered remains of ‘science’ cannot reach? How about breathing? I know people who have been doing that for years and just can’t give it up.
I also know a few who did manage to give up breathing, but the withdrawal symptoms killed them.
Perhaps they should have stuck with cocaine instead. Or ice cream.
Good grief! l truly am lost for words
Studies have also shown that there is a very strong correlation between ice cream consumption and shark attacks on humans. So the public health imperative here is to install underwater signs telling sharks not to attack people. Only by doing that can we hope to halt this dangerous ice cream epidemic. Won’t someone think of the children?!
Professor Sir Iaman Expert RCP, FRS and Barking
I concur with Tony’s research. I have noticed something similar in my own.
Ice Cream is evidently a primary cause of malignant melanoma. To avoid charges of cherry-picking I deliberately chose four states at the four corners of the United States: Florida, Hawaii, Alaska, and Maine. I examined ice-cream consumption in those states and found it was very high in Florida and Hawaii, and very low in Alaska and Maine, particularly among Alaskan Eskimos.
I then carefully examined detailed hospital records in all four states and discovered that the rates of skin cancer in Florida and Hawaii were significantly higher than in Alaska and Maine, and virtually unknown around the IC-Teetotalers, the Eskimos.
I examined and cross-correlated these variables for Chocolate, Vanilla, Strawberry, and Tutti-Frutti. No significant difference was observed.so the hypothesis that the cancer was being caused by specific flavoring additives was discarded. The deadly carcinogen seems indisputably to be ice cream itself.
The poor children….
:/
MJM
Junican’s investigations seem to be leading towards a court judgement that tobacco is not as addictive as cocaine.
Which means that tobacco is now less addictive than ice cream. What a tangled web they’ve woven.
Ah, but is cocaine as addictive as Pringles?
Now, there’s the question…
The child in question can count herself lucky it wasn’t ice-cream in there. Before you know it she’d be on Mascarpone via IV.
Ta for link.
Everyone knows you’re the ‘go-to’ guy for the Secret Bovine Conspiracy.
To be honest, having hoovered up substantial quantities of the stuff back in the eighties, I’d have to say that cocaine is really not particularly addictive. I understand that the more concentrated form, crack, can be habit forming, but never having tried it, I can’t comment with any knowledge on that.
Ice cream, on the other hand, is a highly addictive substance, particularly when you start hitting the hard stuff, like Rum’n'Raisin. I remember well when my kids were young having to deal with them screaming pitifully when denied an ice cream. If that’s not addiction, then I don’t know what is.
You were on the Rum’n'Raisin? Oh my God, how did you survive? I never progressed beyond the Drambuie ice cream myself, and I haven’t seen that one since Dunoon in about 1985. Lucky for me, or I might now be chasing an entirely different Man with a Van begging for the really addictive stuff. With a flake in it.
Who was it that said, “you really have to try it to appreciate the seriousness of eating ice cream in the freezing cold” or words to that effect?
Probably everyone in the UK at some stage
gives me brain freeze when snorted