Apple up in smoke.

Or rather, Apple up in arms because of smokers.

It seems that if you own an Apple product and are a smoker, live with a smoker, get visited by a smoker or carry that product around anywhere anyone is smoking, it absorbs all the smoke and expels it in the face of any technician attempting a warranty repair.

So if you smoke, don’t buy any Apple products. The warranty is only for non-smokers.

I’d been wondering whether to try out either an iPhone or a Blackberry. Apple have just helped me decide.

Nicotine is indeed harmful in high concentrations. I have seven bottles of it at a concentration that could kill me if I drank even one of them. Nicotine at cigarette levels isn’t poisonous. Directly inhaling a cigarette does not harm you through nicotine. It’s the tar content that damages your lungs over time, not the nicotine. That’s why nicotine patches and gum are not accused of causing cancer and also why Electrofag is a safe alternative even though the Fag Controller doesn’t like it. The amount of nicotine that might end up in a phone’s circuit board is trivial, and the harm it could possibly do is undetectable – especially when you compare it to the toxic metals used in the construction of that board.

Therefore there is no health hazard from a bit of tobacco scent on a keyboard. None whatsoever. This is an excuse Apple have seized on to avoid honouring warranties and it is absolutely no more than that. Their technicians have far more to fear from solder vapour than from any smoke residue. It is, to use the vernacular, utter bollocks.

I expect the rabid antismokers will sieze on ‘Well, if the tar is harmful, that’s in the machine too’. Idiots. If the tar is deposited on the machine it’s a solid residue now. It’s not vapourised unless the tehnician decides to fix the machine by burning it. Not. A. Hazard.

Apple are only the first to try this. There will be more unless it is nipped in the bud.

So be aware. If you are considering an Apple product and you smoke or live with someone who smokes, the warranty doesn’t apply to you even though you pay the same price as the non-smoker. If you buy an Apple product and it breaks, you are not covered by the warranty.

If you are a non-smoker but visit smokers or spend any time with smokers, be aware that the slightest trace of nicotine on your machine will get it returned unfixed. If you want to chance it, fine, but the first time you’re talking on your iPhone in the street and a smoker walks past, your warranty just died.

This idea will soon extend to drinkers and the overweight. If you like a tipple or you tend towards the chubby, well, if I were you I wouldn’t risk it. There are many alternatives to iPods and iPhones and laptops come with Windows or Linux too these days. Or you can get a Windows one, reformat it and install a free Linux. Just remember to download the Linux and burn it to disc before you trash Windows or you’re a bit stuck.

Companies that refuse to fix a product bought by a smoker have two options. One, allow the buyer to declare their smoking at checkout and take a much lower, non-warranty price, or two, make clear to the public that smokers’ business is not wanted.

I own no Apple products at the moment. That situation will not change at any point in the future. I don’t care if they ever go back on this decision. I’ve had as much as I’m going to take and as far as I am concerned, Apple products no longer exist as buying options. As much as I love gadgetry, I don’t actually need an iPod. I have a Creative MP3 player, a Sony recorder that can also play tunes and even my cheap Ericcson phone can do it. Even so, the gadgetry gene is strong in me and iPod is a gadget. Was a gadget. It no longer exists for me. The entire Apple corporation has simply vanished from my reality.

I will not give up smoking. I will give up looking at Apple products in stores.

Which company wants to be next?

(edit: I really wish I’d thought of titling this ‘iSmoke’. 20-20 hindsight is wonderful. Perhaps I should rename Electrofag as iSmoke? Probably too late now.)

1 thought on “Apple up in smoke.

  1. Pingback: Missive From ‘Merica: The Cryptic Triptych – Library of Libraries

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