Day of the Ripper.

I borrowed The Ripper from a friend, to take the moss out of my little lawn. It’s an old Black and Decker lawn rake which would make health and safety cry. There is no guard over the rippers and no button you have to press to make it start. Just pull the trigger and we’re rippin’.

The friend had to go into hospital to have a finger removed. He has ‘Viking disease’, a thing akin to arthritis that makes his fingers curl in. They can be fixed but there is no permanent fix, they just curl in again. This time he’s lost one.

He told me that the machine doesn’t throw the moss right to the back of the collecting box and you have to push it back by hand. I said ‘With the machine off?’ because I had a vision of me in the next hospital bed having my fingers sewn back on while he had one of his taken off. His ‘yes’ was most emphatic.

It’s electric so it wasn’t as hard as it could have been but after two damp summers there was a lot of moss. A hell of a lot. Fortunately there were no fingers in the collected stuff. I did count them afterwards.

The good weather is coming to an end so gardening is frantic. By next week, sanity will return here, or at least what normally passes for it.

In the meantime, I am knackered.

4 thoughts on “Day of the Ripper.

  1. “Fortunately there were no fingers in the collected stuff. I did count them afterwards.”

    No-one said they had to be your fingers… 😉


    • I remember something called ‘creeping juniper’ which was a sort-of conifer that grew flat to the ground. It was touted as a replacement for grass on lawns because it never grows upwards so all you’d ever do is trim the edges.

      It didn’t seem to catch on.


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