No smoke without… oh.

Several commenters have wondered if I was in any way responsible for the terror alert caused by a bit of steam. Well, no, because I hadn’t thought of it.

It was certainly a laugh though, or maybe a cry if you think too hard about what it really means.

Someone on a coach was having a sly puff on an Electrofag and… well, what happened next is straight out of a Monty Python episode.

The Mail headline claims that the terror alert was sparked by someone with an Electrofag. It wasn’t. It was sparked by some paranoid idiots and an overzealous police force and by the general stupidity that is prevalent among the UK population today. As the Mail admits:

The passenger had been inhaling the e-cigarette device, which emits water vapour and is legal to smoke on board a vehicle, but covered it with a bag so those around were not able to see what he was doing.

Why did he feel the need to hide? Because this country is full of half-witted drones who genuinely believe they will die if someone has a device that produces a little bit of steam. They believe they will die of they see a pack of cigarettes so the sight of someone with something that looks a little bit like smoking is sure to cause an instant brain haemorrhage (Oh, if only). They genuinely believe it. How they cope with hot showers and ironing is anyone’s guess, but maybe they don’t. Maybe we will soon be able to spot those who think themselves normal and superior by the creases and the stench. Maybe that’s why antismokers are so afraid to wash themselves and their clothes. The terrible steam might get them.

So a little bit of steam produced by someone who has been consistently denormalised by ASH and by every major political party resulted in a massive police operation. The police are not blameless. The situation could have been assessed in an instant if their officers hadn’t been lobotomised by modern training. If they were still in the old mould of ‘Hello, what’s going on here then?’ the whole matter would have been sorted out in seconds.

However, the true blame here lies not with the police and not with the Electrosmoker. Not even with the bubble-wrapped weaklings who now cower in terror at anything that is not perfectly in line with the world they want to see.

It lies with the Dreadful Arnott and her vicious drones. It lies with Headman and the Boy Blunder, our current idiots-in-charge. It lies with the Moribund Gang of wasters-in-waiting and with Oily Al and his kilt-flapping wind-production crew. They created this between them. Oh, and whoever is currently running that Welsh pseudoparliament that appears to think it’s a Politburo.

They created a world where people are scared to do something legal in case someone else doesn’t like it and they are jailed for the crime of not pandering to the wishes of the feeble-minded. They created a police force that thinks every report requires a full SWAT-team response and nobody asks any questions until the entire area is locked down and everyone is on the floor with their wrists held together with cable ties.

Yes, that pain in the arse aptly named the Cameroid can blame the last Labour government all he wants. He is in charge now and it is not only still happening, it is getting worse. This government is about as Conservative as Stalin.

Cameroid can blame Foggy Clegg, but he rolls over and waits for his tummy to be tickled whenever the Laughable Dumbocrats shout ‘Play dead’. Cameroid might have more than the average forehead but he makes up for it with an utter lack of guts.

As for the official responses…

John Lamb, spokesman for the Birmingham Chamber of Commerce, said the cost of the scare would ‘easily run into hundreds of thousands of pounds’.

‘For such a ridiculous thing to cause so much disruption is unforgivable for individuals and businesses but we live in times when we have to expect these sorts of things.’

Why do we live in such times, Mr. To-the-slaughter? Because cretins in charge have created these times. This is not natural. It is not normal. It is very, very wrong and no, we should neither expect nor accept it. Yet you will hear the Dreadful Arnott spouting about the dangers of steam and you will hear the Government stating that the sight of a cigarette packet causes cancer and you will see the BMJ telling you that someone smoking five streets away is equivalent to having a bonfire of tobacco in your bathroom and you will nod sagely and agree with it and then you will complain when your bus is taken out by a Cruise missile because someone opened a can of Coke and the children in passing cars might have seen it.

THAT is what this story is about. Not about the stupidity of the police, nor even of the Government, although there seems no bottom limit to the idiocy MPs can reach. Not even about the mindless spite of ASH and its drones.

It is about the stupidity of the general population.

And yet it is so easy to fix, if only the morons could be made to see. No need for any kind of riot or rebellion.

All they have to do is stop voting for it.

Update: Had a quick prowl among the morons on the Daily Mail article and found an absolute gem:

Is this not therefore a good reason to ban these things, like cigarettes, in public places being as the real thing is banned in public places……People are banned from walking around the streets carrying guns and I think a dim view would be taken of anyone walking around carrying a replica.

– Ted, Teddington, 5/7/2012 19:33

Yes, an Electrofag in a public place is the same as waving around a replica Uzi now. I think Ted from Teddington and his ilk should be banned from public places. It would make life so much more pleasant for so many people.

Update again – damn, I was so angry I forgot to add categories. This is likely to be a frequent problem.


56 thoughts on “No smoke without… oh.

  1. One of the passengers said this to Sky News after being told it was a false alarm: “I feel it was over the top, but I can understand why they did it.”

    No I can’t bloody understand why they did it. It was totally illogical for them to have kept the motorway closed till late afternoon. Any half competent policeman who wasn’t following procedure to the letter should have realised what was really going on by eleveness, leaving enough time for the police to get back to the station for a nice lunch. Instead we had nincompoops with clipboards (as seen on BBC TV) making sure every box was ticked.


    • It seems to be a common theme. ‘Yes, it’s crazy, but I understand the ‘why’ of it’. How? How do these people understand the ‘why’ when what has happened makes no bloody sense at all?

      It’s like living in Kafka’s world and being the odd one out.


    • Zackerly – that’s the name I was looking for for a Panoptica character. Perfect. I owe you a signed copy if I ever manage to finish it before it all comes true.


  2. Half the problem is that even people using perfectly legal e cigs try to hide them, why I don’t know. I have used them openly in hospitals, pubs, on the rare occasions I go now, and on trains with no problem. Yet I have seen people using them covertly as if it was a real cigarette, what is the point? I really don’t know what this world is coming to, when will the insanity end? maybe this mad incident will make some people see just how ridiculous it has all become.


  3. “Is this not therefore a good reason to ban these things, like cigarettes, in public places being as the real thing is banned in public places……People are banned from walking around the streets carrying guns and I think a dim view would be taken of anyone walking around carrying a replica.

    – Ted, Teddington, 5/7/2012 19:33”

    Sounds a bit like blaming the victim, not the perpetrator, who in this case is an over-zealous anti-smoking mentality gone berserk.


    • Ah, those naughty victims, tying up the courts with their complaints and costing the NHS money with their cuts and bruises and broken bones…

      Yep, that’s the thinking behind it all now. Where there is any thinking at all, that is.


      • “Ted Teddington” – hmm, not very original, or is it purposely overtly fictitious sounding, a larf in our faces taunt – could it be someone inside the Anti-Smoking Industry, one of the paid storm troopers, paid to post comments like this to spin this into blaming the victims and ecigs in particular, in trying to get them banned next. I do believe the Anti-Smoking Industry, with its vast array of taxpayer funded monies, employs professional rabble rousers to support causes on the behalf of the Anti-Smoking Industry’s favour – and “Ted Teddington’s” could be one such “plant” – to get peoples’ (the drones’) minds thinking that ecigs might “need” banned next.


    • Wee bit of trolling there I suspect from Two Ton Ted From Teddington 🙂

      He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread.

      I thought I couldn’t afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: “Oh well,” and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
      ~Benny Hill


    • Terry Gilliam is a prophet… I’ve noticed people nowadays get very uncomfortable with the almost 30 year old Brazil.

      It’s clear that Sam Lowrey works for the BBC …


  4. I’ve got 30 years of experience of working in a in a bloody good Police Force and I’ve taken part in many an exercise designed to test readiness. I have also been the senior officer on the ground when a real emergency has occurred. I have refrained from commenting anywhere until now, now that the photographs and some of the ‘interviews’ are on-line.
    This whole event was a set-up.
    There is absolutely no way whatsoever that such a well co-ordinated response by ALL of the emergency services could be arranged without prior notice.This was a ‘demonstration’ of how TPTB want the proletariat to view Governmental preparedness; alert, on the ball, effective and ready anywhere at any time.which is, as we all know, a total load of bollocks. The M6 scenario was designed to assure the Great Unwashed that The Olympic Games Are Safe.
    The principal give-away? It’s all too neat. Compare and contrast the positioning of the emergency vehicles on the M6 with how the self-same vehicles were parked during the London Undergrounds bombings. It’s all too neat on the M6: everything in nice straight lines, usually non-obtainable kit all set-up and ready for action, more emergency personnel than you can shake a stick at and absolutely no signs whatsoever of situational urgency amongst those who might be called into action,
    The bomb-squad was there in short order. Normally you’d wait about four hours for the Ready Squad to front up. The command and control post at an undisclosed HQ was already set-up and operational before the first call came in. It’s all bollocks.
    That the whole farcical episode could be blamed on a single electro-fag makes the entire episode a bonanza for ASH: it’s a double whammy and Joe Public will never be any the wiser! The bastards have got a “two-for-one” winner.


    • Ab-so-looly – neat and handy that so many cameras were there to record the goings on from accessible vantage points too. The raft of stories flooding the Newsquest UK local titles looks orchestrated. I wonder if anybody jumped the gun so to speak? Highways Agency or somesuch?

      I’m too busy to trawl but maybe there’s something to start on

      Lamely playing it down ASAP


  5. Ted Teddington is a spoof, right?

    Actually, I see this as a general uncoordinated scourge. Just as Japanese knotweed does not “conspire”, neither do Fabians. It is a result of a general intent.

    Fabians need to be treated with the same distain as the useless, self-serving, rapacious weeds they are.


  6. Thank you Anonymous(for good reason)11:14pm, my thoughts had not reached there before you mentioned it.
    What had occured to me was that when a half-wit moslem convert ‘terrorist’ managed to blow his hand off in the toilet of an Exeter restaurant a few years ago the police had him safely shackled up @ A&E within an hour and released details of who he was and where he was from yet still they kept the city locked down and even widened their security perimeter for several hours after they knew that all was well. My conclusion was that since sll the emefgency services were on parade, as it were, they might as well carry on with the exercise (free of charge to their budgets) at the expence of the general public and city businesses.


  7. As an American is equal parts saddening and disturbing to see the way that Britain has gone – granted my impressions come largely through blogs and seeing the sorts of articles that line the borders of your newspapers’ online articles. The nation from which the core of our own founding legal and philosophical traditions, rule-of-law being preeminent, were born has turned into some perverse rule by what Orwell referred to as the “bearded fruit-juice drinkers”.

    This Fourth of July I capped off the night by strolling down a boulevard which runs along our Atlantic shore, enjoying a cigar – something I did half for the simple relaxation, and half because I felt it all the more appropriate on this day, given that the local city council has lately banned public smoking in this town. It is a ban made all the more absurd both by our central location along what is popularly known as, amongst other things, the “Redneck Riviera”, and the fact that on that particular night the whole place sounded like a war zone; it is, you see, perfectly legal int his area to purchase and enjoy all manner of recreational explosives. As it should be.

    But now that he who happily displays his humble love of his own sense of profound humility by kissing his own ankles before some of the most morally repellant tyrants, or by promptly expelling the bust of Winston Churchill from our capital to show the world by-proxy how sorry he is that Western civilization not only survived but thrived, has saddled us with the foundations for our own NHS… where might we be three generations hence?

    Pardon any grammatical fumbling, as I am writing this in the midst of a nicotine glow after enjoying another log of a cigar, intransigent that I am.


  8. XX All they have to do is stop voting for it.XX

    The only alternative is, not to vote, then. Because ther is no arsehole within two million light years of a HOPE of getting into Parliament, let alone in a position where he could do anything ABOUT it, that would do it any differently.

    “Labour”, “Con-servative”, “Liberal”? They are just joke names for groups formed so that the same faces are not seen on the front benches EVERY time there is an “election”.(I mean even the thick bastard public may catch on, after 30 years of THAT sort of thing.) A bit like two school groups queing to go on the big dipper for the third time around. Different faces, same fucking ride.


  9. I vape… I vape openly. The nazis within Ash and the powers that be would love to see vaping banned. Ash because how dare a ‘smoker’, even an ex smoker, look like they are enjoying something that contain nicotine (even though nicotine on its own is as harmfull as..well.. coffee) and produces vapour…they *shudder* in their little offices. The Goverment hates them becasue they get no revenue from them, or rather the pharaceutical companies that pay the government get no money from them. There we go. They can take my jobs but they’ll never take MY VAPING!!!! HA. Rant over 🙂


      • Soon we will be told it’s illegal to carry tobacco around with us. It’s already routinely confiscated on the way in to the country, won’t be long before it’s confiscated on internal flights too. For the cheeeeldren.


        • As an aside note, that actually is the law in communist held Santa Cruz California USA, where their local outdoor smoking ban goes on to say quite literally, that in city parks, because of the children, not only is outdoor smoking banned, but “possession” of tobacco while inside a city park is banned – and their solution, per the teeth of the law, is arrest and fine of $50 to $100 per criminal offense plus confiscation of the tobacco. So they are already experimenting with this aspect of making confiscation a law in the tiny communist enclave of Santa Cruz and once they prove it a “big success”, then they will roll out the carpet and begin citing it as “successful” example to begin doing elsewhere. It’s not that far off the mark, that somewhere in the world, they’re not already experimenting with this idea.


          • I get a strange feeling, that what they are actualy doing, is not in the first instance, to arrest for possession of the evil tobacco, but an opportunity to extend police powers of arrest, stop search, DNA sampling, whatever.

            Which of these is the usefull, and not so UN-intended consequence, and which is the initial point of the exercise, is hard to decide.


  10. I notice the BBC report has to mention that at least one of the passengers was a cheeldren so that’s that box ticked too.

    (I really hope it turns out he was the one “steaming” as it were)


    • “one of the passengers was a cheeldren”

      Oh Sweet Jesus wept…I hope you’re wrong about there having been a child onboard cos…

      ….that would mean

      …one of the stupid fuckers had bred.


  11. I left a comment on that article that the complainer was an utter moron for not asking the guy what he was doing and the first cop on the scene was also a moron for not asking the guy what he had been doing. the electrofag plus a search of his bag and a friendly ” mind how you go, sir” 5 minutes later should have been enough. Armed response unit, SWAT team and a 4 hour delay is ridiculously excessive. It was utterly wrong. I’m sure they were just wanting to show off and this was an excuse.


  12. “The passenger had been inhaling the e-cigarette device, which emits water vapour and is legal to smoke on board a vehicle, but covered it with a bag so those around were not able to see what he was doing.”

    “Why did he feel the need to hide?”

    “But body language expert Judi James says people should tread carefully. Even someone putting an unlit cigarette in their mouth can upset people nowadays, she says.
    Anyone wanting to smoke an e-cigarette at work should inform colleagues first what they’re doing.”

    And why might that be,Judy? Why should they be so nervous?
    Could it be because you have been spreading nasty rumors about smokers at work for the past 14 years?

    The solidarity of street smokers – 2010

    “Judi James, a behavioural and workplace expert, believes there is more at stake for smokers than just a nicotine top up.
    “Smokers’ workplace bonding has always given them a very unfair advantage,” she says.

    “There’s something about the act of rebellion, it breaks down the hierarchy between people who wouldn’t normally speak to each other.
    It’s a shared act of naughtiness and when people have got a fag on, the normal rules of communication don’t apply.”

    The default body language of smokers is gossipy and conspiratorial – even if they’re not gossiping she says – and this can create suspicion amongst non-smokers.

    So would a mass dispersal bring a swift end to this ad hoc bonding? It could go one of two ways.
    Ms James thinks if it leads to smokers taking a walk then this networking opportunity will be lost as humans don’t move in groups, especially across different social groups.
    But if it forces smokers to gather in designated areas it could actually ramp up the bonding.”
    http: //


    Secretarial: No smoke without gossip – 1998

    “It is a networkers’ paradise: even the e-mail system cannot kill off the smoking room”

    “Judi James, a management trainer who recently published a survey with the Industrial Society entitled Sex at Work, believes that employee relations – both personal and business-related – actually thrive in a furtive environment. “You have this little coterie which shares a vice and which bonds together; it’s a similar environment to a school common room.”


    • What she’s saying is ‘smokers get along with each other’ and that is not what the elite want.

      They want us all to be as hate-filled and spiteful as their antismoking drones.

      I’ll stick with the baccy.


      • You hit the nail on the head with that one. The real “danger” of smoking, it’s smokers congregating, talking logically, making connections with one another, finding common grounds, engaging in political dialogue, laughing carefree without worry, spending their time and money as they and not the state sees fit, their mirth encouragement to others to feel the same – and that is the real danger, the danger to the ruling elite who brought about smoking bans to hush all that undesireable free thinking and talking behaviour of which they soooo disapprove.


  13. Remember the explosion under the motorway? Said to have been caused by a fag end?

    No one will ever know what caused the person who reported this matter to call the police until that person comes forward and describes what they saw and what they said in their call to the police.

    I think that it was nothing to do with the ecig itself. Ecigs simply do not pour vapour (smoke) out. Even it the ‘ignition’ button is held pressed in, the vapour emerges only slowly and weakly. There simply is not enough ‘force’ in the electric heater to generate substantial vapour in a short period of time.

    Let me paint a picture.

    Shortly after joining the M6 near Preston, an anti-smoking zealot sees someone using an ecig but thinks that it is a real cigarette. He/she thinks, “I’ll show the disgusting, filthy, stinking bastard what’s what” So, being a total idiot, he/she goes to the driver and whispers, “I’m really worrried. I can see smoke billowing from this guy’s seat and he has a bag on his knees. It looks as if the smoke is coming from the bag” The driver believes it and nearly has a thromby. He quietly calls the police. The police tell him not to let on that he knows and to keep on driving and to tell the passenger to return to his/her seat and say nothing. The driver passes the message on, whereupon the passenger returns to his/her seat well satisfied. The police get organised then call the driver back and tell him to drive on to the motorway toll at Birmingham where they will be waiting. Shit hits fan and the person who caused all the trouble slinks away.


  14. So now, not only E-Cigs have to be banned from public transport, but anything that could emit a cloud of vapour. So no thermos flasks of steaming hot tea, and none of those nebulisers that folk with bronchitis rely on. But it won’t end there. No powders, no talc, no face powder for the ladies, because it can be released in a little cloud and you know it could be anthrax.


    • White powders are already the stuff of prison sentences. I remember something from almost twenty years ago though… one of my co-workers had a student coming in from Colombia with a big bag of ‘rice polishings’ to try them out as cattle feed. The stuff was a white powder and he had about half a tonne of it. There were considerable problems with customs. It was funny at the time because in those days, Customs employed people with brains.


  15. Dear Mr Leg-iron

    Another example of state terrorism – the greatest terror organisation in the land.

    In other news there are reports of ‘White Muslim Converts’ linked to terrorism.

    How very convenient to have White Muslim Convert Terrorists – it makes all indigenous men potential Muslim terrorists, not just the foreign looking men. So inclusive.

    Now all we need are some home-grown female Muslim terrorists, White Converts included, to give the real terrorists a free hand to terrorise everyone.



    • Well… those who have come here from oppressive Muslim states came to escape those states. It’s only the local gimboids who are gullible enough to listen to the mad Mullahs extolling the virtues of the system they ran away from.


  16. Perfect coach trip for me, 4 hours break sitting on the hard shoulder with 20 Regal King Size to break up the monotony of the smoke-free transport.


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