Smoke gets up their noses.

And that is the main reason I won’t consider stopping. It’s not just me either, Frank is of the same mind.

Back in the days when people used to jokingly say ‘It’s National No Smoking day, you should try giving that stuff up’, I always responded ‘If I ever stop, it will not be on No Smoking Day. I will not be a mark on anyone’s scorecard.’ These days I have a fat cigar on that day because they aren’t joking any more.

‘Oh but it’s National No Smoking day.’ So? If your friends had a National Jump Off A Cliff day, would you join in with that too? I wouldn’t and I’m not interested in this one either. Go back to your lemming herd and stop bothering me. You do know you can get cancer by talking to me? You didn’t know? Oh dear. Allow me to explain.

Now they have declared October to be National No Smoking MONTH. Pat Nurse is making great progress with the anti-anti campaign, it’s spreading like wildfire all over the blogs. Nannying Tyrants has the badges in all kinds of sizes and I still have some of that magnetic printer paper for making fridge magnets and non-sticky fly-posting things that attach to outdoor steel ashtrays.

A digression (you knew it had to happen and hey, it’s overdue), but has anyone else noticed that the women shown smoking in the ‘you filthy bastards all stink’ adverts are drop-dead gorgeous, while those women standing on platforms saying ‘Be like Me, Be Pure’ all have PhDs in hideous harridanism? I mean, some of them would turn Medusa to stone. So what’s the message here? The pretty girl with the cigarette is ugly while a whining witch who looks like the reason the dinosaurs committed mass suicide is pretty? I don’t know about you, but as a persuasive technique, that’s a double fail with honours. I’m with Smoky Girl every time. Well, as long as it’s dark and she doesn’t have her glasses on.

Where was I? Oh, right. A whole month of no-smoking days. That’s a lot of cigars. I’d better learn to make them, fast.

You know what though? I think it’s a great idea. On No Smoking Day, many, many non-smokers get annoyed at the constant harassment of their smoking pals. The antismokers are few, much fewer than the smokers. In between are most of the population who just don’t give a shit about smoking one way or the other. They don’t do it, maybe they don’t like it in their houses or cars (and that is fair enough) but elsewhere, they either tolerate it or fail to notice it at all. What they cannot fail to notice is a constant barrage of propaganda.

One day a year is a minor irritant. One day of eye-rolling and groaning as yet another misbegotten by-blow crawls from the shallow end of the gene pool to have a go at your smoking mate, well, people put up with it. It’s just one day. Even we smokers have learned to ignore it. Next day, it’s all forgotten.

But a month of it. A whole month. The smokers won’t care. We get this shit every day anyway. The antismokers will be gearing up like Vortigern’s army heading for Rome and they are going to crawl out of every rat-hole and from under every stone for an intense hate-fest for an entire month.

They’ll start small but… a month. A month. They will all, every one of them, show themselves as they really are. Not to smokers, we see them already, but to those non-smokers who don’t care about smoking one way or the other. Their own friends and family are going to have their eyes opened to the kobolt in their midst.

Every move the antismokers make goes wrong. Every attack backfires. Imagine Nelson telling his men ‘Don’t point the cannons out to sea, you idiots, we’ll lose all the expensive cannonballs. Point them into the ship instead’ and there’s the thought process in the antismoker’s head.

They banned tobacco advertising and now provide daily advertising for free. They deny there is any issue with tobacco smuggling which allows the smugglers free rein. They claim smoking is in decline because we aren’t buying it in Tesco any more. They increase the mystique and cool factor of smoking by making it almost contraband. It’s like smoking cannabis, but legal.

Next, plain packs. Kids will move from ‘Oh, he has cigarettes’ to ‘Ooo, what’s that interesting thing?’ in one generation. The antismokers will not see it. They just keep on plugging away and making no difference but charging the idiots in government for it anyway. And the idiots just keep paying.

The tobacco companies are not getting children interested in smoking. ASH and their antismoking drones are. It is now the greatest act of rebellion a teenager can perform. Well done, ASH. Well done, CRUK, Well done, BMA. Well done, government. Well done indeed. You muppets.

I don’t want children to smoke but not for the reasons you’d expect. I don’t care if children turn out lumpy, in fact I’d be happy to see most of them caught in a downpour of anvils and irritated wolverines. No, I am not ‘thinking of the cheeldren’, I am thinking of ASH. What will they do if there are no new smokers? Hey, just imagine, doctors would have to go back to looking for real causes of disease again. CRUK would have to disband as the sole cause of cancer would not exist. And the drones would have to find a new target to hate.

It’s just a dream. The antismokers will keep promoting smoking because if we did all stop, the gravy train would hit the buffers at full speed.

I’m not going to stop. Maybe they’ll make it illegal one day, like all those other drugs nobody takes any more.

The ones nobody asks about at interviews…



15 thoughts on “Smoke gets up their noses.

  1. The tobacco companies are not getting children interested in smoking. ASH and their antismoking drones are. It is now the greatest act of rebellion a teenager can perform. Well done, ASH. Well done, CRUK, Well done, BMA. Well done, government. Well done indeed. You muppets

    Smokers Are Still High School’s ‘Cool Kids,’ Study Finds
    Power of peer approval outweighs decades of public health education among teens


  2. XX Hey, just imagine, doctors would have to go back to looking for real causes of disease again. CRUK would have to disband as the sole cause of cancer would not exist XX

    Oh, but it is in the Genes, don’t you know?

    It is because your great great Granpappy smoked. Now it wil take hundreds of generations to work it’s self out of the DNA. You forefathers pre programmed you.


  3. Smoking makes you invisible! We’ve had the N2D Social Club minibus for over 3 months now and l’ve used it constantly … so much so that my Merc has cobwebs on it. Smoking is banned on transport that the public use and yet despite me smoking at the wheel and allowing my passengers to smoke l’ve still not been reported/snitched/dobbed in????

    We drive around, openly declaring ‘Yes, we are smoking in the bus, so what?’ and nothing happens. Our latest trip was taking the veterans from Hull Submariners to Eden Camp for a parade. We parked up in the designated area for minibuses and there were about 40 minibuses in total. Our bus was the only one that allowed smoking but still nothing happened!

    lt really is getting quite depressing. 🙂


  4. I am in two minds over this one. Obviously I hate and despise all the nannying bollocks, but wish it could be turned to our advantage.

    If everybody stopped smoking TAXED cigarettes for the Nazi Oktoberfest, perhaps the treasury would see what it would be missing out on if nobody smoked. Perhaps why this has been announced at short notice so that people don’t get chance to stock up from MWAV beforehand.

    Unfortunately I think the drop in revenue would be used by ASH as “proof”that everybody stopped smoking for a month and it was a huge success that should be repeated.


  5. ~ ‘It’s National No Smoking day, you should try giving that stuff up’~

    1) Why, what’s in it for me?

    Doll’s Doctors Study data shows that; tho 85% of smokers’ deaths are from the diseases ’caused’ by smoking, 85% of the ex-smokers’ deaths are from those same diseases.

    Quitting will gain me NOTHING!!!!

    2) Does smoking LOWER my chances of NOT dying from the diseases ‘claimed’ to be caused by smoking?

    NO, Doll’s Doctors Study data shows that smokers and never-smokers have the same probabilities of NOT dying from those diseases.

    Since there are always several hundred times as many people that do not die from those diseases as do die from them, having the same probabilities of NOT dying from those diseases is a very strong statement!!!!.

    I am sitting here having a glass of red wine and a cig, I will not give up that pleasure just to please some asshole nanny!!!!

    Not even for 1 minute, much less for a day or a month.


  6. Rose pointed out in the comments on (I think) Frank’s blog that this latest wheeze has probably been set at 28 days (rather than for the full month), because that was the time limit used to claim that a smoker had successfully “quit” after the ban was brought in, so that the antis could claim “massive success” in its wake. Clearly they’re intending to operate on the same timeframe again.

    But Harley points out, in the same comments section, that this could well be yet another piece of evidence that it really is “do or die” time for Tobacco Control, and they are using this ludicrously low amount of time to declare someone “smoke free” (even if they take up smoking again on the 29th day) because, hidden away behind the scenes, there have been hard words had – along the lines of “OK – we’ll fund you for one last campaign. But if we don’t see some really, really impressive results as a consequence, then that’s it. Game over. No more funding. No more spending sprees. End of.” In which case, it is the responsibility – nay, the duty – of every free-thinking smoker in the land to make absolutely sure that this campaign is resounding, unequivocal failure.

    Contrary to what many people are suggesting on here (although I understand their reasoning), and galling though it might be to give the Government any more tax than is absolutely obligatory, it might be an idea for even those smokers who usually buy abroad or from Van Man (or grow their own), to make sure that they buy at least some cigarettes or tobacco from their local shop or their supermarket, or their off-licence, during October, if only so that we all have the pleasure of reading the screaming headlines (after the inevitable number-crunching which will follow this campaign) that smoking rates increased considerably during the period of the Stoptober campaign, and the inevitable wishy-washy excuses made by the organisers of the campaign to explain this unexpected rise whilst at the same time still trying to present the campaign as a roaring “success.”


    • It could be very handy if they present the plan as a roaring success.

      Then, ASH will insist on doing it again at enormous expense.

      Meanwhile, when the tax office add up that month’s haul, screams are heard…

      ASH might have the ear of government, but the revenue men have both ears.


  7. That is not a bad idea at all, Jax. The Government rely for their tax-take from tobacco on the ‘non-elastic demand’ for tobacco. That is, the vast majority of smokers who buy small amounts of tobacco will continue to do so. About a year ago, I had discussions about the average number of cigarettes purchased per person per day in the UK. It turned out to be 14. 14 fags per day cost about £4 per day, which is not a lot when you consider that one pint costs about £3 in a pub. I rarely buy fags in this country and will be on my hols in October and will bring back with me about 35 sleeves (35 x 200). But I shall go out of my way to buy, say, 100 fags from my local shop in Octabber. I think that the possibility of organising a ‘stop buying fags in the UK for a month’ campaign is a non-starter because few people would get to know about it and, in any case, could not afford the outlay involved in buying in bulk from the EU in advance. Buying a few more fags at home is easy.
    ASH ET AL are committed to reducing smoking by about 2.5% per an. 2% has been the ongoing natural reduction in smoking over the last three decades or so (pre ASH). ASH must reduced smoking by their lies and propaganda by 0.5% in addition to the natural 2% reduction. The interesting thing about this calculation is that, if the level of smoking has stabilised, then it is reasonable to assume that the efforts of ASH ET AL have actually stopped the natural reduction which was happening of its own accord.

    We shall see.


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