The Mail has the list of 50 things to do before you die. Most of them don’t appeal to me at all. When I was young I wanted to own an oscilloscope and a laser. I have two oscilloscopes and a drawer full of lasers now. Job done. So what else is on the list?
3. Done. I was fixing a starter motor on a Ford Fiesta when I saw it. I imagined a God looking down thousands of years ago at a caveman with a bone in his hand, mouth hanging open at the sky. Then he saw me with a spanner in my hand in the same position and thought ‘Well, he has a shinier bone but nothing else has changed’.
4. Done. Sort of. I didn’t do all of it but I was there and I have many photos.
7. Impossible. The Colossus of Rhodes and the Hanging Gardens of Babylon no longer exist.
9. Done, but I’m not telling what it is. Haahahahaha!
10. Forget it. It’s cold enough here.
14. I’m learning the banjo and I’m self-taught on the bodhran. Does that count?
19. Swim with sharks? Yes, that’s likely to be a once in a lifetime thing for sure. I don’t swim anywhere near fast enough to get in with the sharks. Or even the jellyfish.
24. Done. Twice. So far.
35. Anyone can do this any time they want. It’s not an ambition.
40. I have it on good authority that mountains have nothing of interest on top.
44. These are televised. If you want to watch them it’s really not difficult.
47. I didn’t know it existed, and now that I do, I don’t care.
49. Even the Army don’t enjoy this.
So of the fifty things to do before you die, I’ve done the ones I’m interested in (except the pyramids but the mad Mullahs who have taken over Egypt. will smash them before I can get there)
I suppose it’s time to drink and smoke a lot and wait for the Liverpool care pathway, soon to acquire the euphemism of ‘retirement’..
I just hope I don’t have to wear a shellsuit.