The loneliness of the long-distance smoker.

So you’re on a train passing through Siberia, it’s minus 40 outside (C or F, it’s the same at that point), and you decide to go out to the open area between carriages for a smoke.

Since you’re a smoker, thus fully acclimatised to being outside in all weathers, you wear a T-shirt, shorts and slippers. The antismoking drones will still call you weak.

Instead of ending up between carriages, you open the wrong door, tumble out into the frozen Siberian wilderness from a moving train, then run after that train for just over four miles (7 km) until you reach a tiny station. Still wearing, remember, a T-shirt, shorts and slippers. And it’s still -40. And you’re in the Siberian wilderness where large hungry things will eat you. And you’re a smoker and therefore incapable of running at all. And… you suffer no ill effects whatsoever, requiring nothing more than a cup of tea to restore you to normality.

So, is that the story of a weak and feeble smoker? Yes. Yes it is.

The comments are, of course, predictable since they are from the Antismoker Manual. The drones don’t need to read or understand any article that has ‘smoker’ in it, their Pavlovian conditioning kicks in and they regurgitate the same comments every time. Perhaps they are better described as ‘vomments’ since they spew forth without the intervention of what passes for a brain. No matter what anyone achieves, if they are a smoker they are weak and feeble and inferior. Like Einstein or Churchill and people of that ilk.

It was unfortunate that this smoking version of Rambo didn’t catch up with his train. He’d left his lighter on it.


13 thoughts on “The loneliness of the long-distance smoker.

  1. Holy cryogenics, Batman. Not taking into account any additional factor from windchill, this thermogenetic phenomenon is as defiant of frostbite as he is a psychological T-34.


  2. Unfortunately if Putin gets his way our modern-day Rambo won’t even be allowed to smoke a fag in the area between carriages. Or at the stations the train stops at.

    In fact, if he wants a ciggy while on his six and a half day journey across Siberia, he’ll have to repeat his trick of jumping off the train, have a puff, and then wait for the next one…


  3. Yesterday I had the rather sad experience of how the anti smoking fanaticism affects people. I was arranging to go and see and old friend who I haven’t seen for a long time and who is rarely well. In the course of our phone conversation he apologised to me in advance for his house smelling of tobacco smoke and said that of course he wouldn’t smoke whilst I was there. I tried to reassure him that I wasn’t in the slightest bit bothered and as it was his house he could smoke as much as he wished but I doubt if he will. It’s an indication of how people are made to feel guilty for doing perfectly normal things and feel the need to apologise for them, I expect the drones would say his illness is smoking related too, although it isn’t, as we know everything is these days.


    • I once had a tatty Vauxhall Astra. My response to anyone wanting to smoke in it was ‘Go ahead, I smoke in it all the time. It hides the smell of petrol’.

      Just can’t help myself…


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