Mastering the art of not getting it.

That pain in the backside, Cameroid, has decided to order Google to ban child porn from the internet.

What the hell do we have as Prime Monster in this country? I’d expect someone in that sort of office to at least be able to  spell IQ even if he doesn’t have one of his own. Google is not the internet, it does not run the internet, it has no power to ban anything at all. It is a search program. It does nothing else. It is not the Internet Police and it is not involved at all in the selling of domain names, the development and production of websites or their content. It lists them. It is a telephone directory for the Web. That is all.

When I was  a horrible child there was no internet. There was no such thing as a home computer. Not everyone had a fridge, there were still many outside toilets where on cold days we guys had to play ‘Where’s Willie?’ and the TV was black and white. No VHS, if you missed a program you missed it. There weren’t all that many anyway and none of them were as important as a jar of lizards from the woods. We’re talking ‘Bill and Ben’ and ‘The Woodentops’ here. It’s not like there was some complex backstory to follow. Missing one was of no consequence.

Were we free of weirdo sex pervs? Hell no. We knew who to stay away from and we knew the code words – ‘do you want to see some puppies’ and so on. The pervs have always been there, but in those days the ones who were caught got a bit more than ‘community service’. If they were lucky, the police caught them first.

David Cameron is to order Google to ban child pornography from the internet in a bid to prevent further murders like those of Tia Sharp and April Jones.

It will  prevent nothing. Those kinds of murders happened way before the internet. Myra Hindley, anyone? Before the mobile phone was even an idea, before the landline phone was in the house rather than in a red box at the end of the street. With Button A and Button B (who remembers that?) and a dial, rather than buttons. We are not going back into deep history. We are only going back into my childhood. Not even half a century.

Cameron has not the first clue what he is doing here, he is ordering a corporation that is not a UK corporation to do something they have no power to do and they are going to tell him to fuck right off if they have any sense. His pretend stance will achieve nothing even if it was possible to do what he wants.

Cameroid, I was on CompuServe in the early 1990s with a 56K phone line modem and a 386 I made out of bits. And I was an early adopter. Even chat forums were slow in those days. Everything was filtered through CompuServe back then but they didn’t own the internet. Nobody does, just like nobody owned the chats that used to happen in pubs before you helped to close them down and continue to do so.

As far as kiddie-fiddlers and other pervs are concerned, the internet does not matter. They use it to facilitate their perviness but that perviness will not vanish when Cameroid installs North Korean controls on us all. It will just make the pervs harder to find.

Perhaps, making it harder to find the pervs is what the Government wants. The phrase ‘methinks he doth protest too much’  comes to mind here.

He has just been Bilderberging, you know. And he won’t say what he did there.

Come on, Cameroid. Nothing to hide, nothing to fear, remember?


16 thoughts on “Mastering the art of not getting it.

  1. So, there’ll be “teams of investigators whose sole job will be to trawl the internet 24 hours a day, 365 days a year in search of child pornography.”

    Who the hell is gonna want that job? Who will apply? Surely-

    Oh, wait…


  2. And in other news, the PM has told paper mills to ensure pornography is not printed, BT to prevent obscene phone calls and spray can manufacturers to prevent graffiti.


  3. Just look how ‘The Woodentops’ have progressed from a kids TV show to become our government, both national and local, and got into other positions of power that effect every aspect of our lives. And the ‘off’ switch aint workin’ no more.


    • How dare you insult the Woodentops in such fashion!

      The Woodentops were far, far smarter, and certainly had no desire to orchestrate every minutiae of your life.


  4. Cameroid, has decided to order Google to ban child porn from the internet

    The disconnect here is that child porn is already banned… even States like Cuba, China and Russia take a pretty robust stance on allowing this sort of stuff. Its not the case that there are websites freely offering this type of material. What there is, is hidden, they simple wouldn’t want to be listed by Google.

    We are not going back into deep history. We are only going back into my childhood. Not even half a century.

    Even less than that when you consider the likes of Sam Fox and Kate Moss both posed for mainstream media when ‘under-aged’. Or that you could walk into WH Smiths for the latest copy of Health & Efficiency featuring snaps of naked kids running about on some foreign sunny beach. Of course that sort of stuff has been rigorously stamped out now. Oh yes, you’re now legally a child until 18 years of age. A 17 year old can go shag anyone on their estate but woe betide them if they take a snap of their naughty bits on their mobile…. they’re now producers of child pornography. In the US there are school kids on State Sex Registers for life for doing just this.

    And let us not forget that proper child porn (the possession of) was legal in this country until the early 80’s, although it could still fall foul of the then obscenity laws.

    As far as kiddie-fiddlers and other pervs are concerned, the internet does not matter. They use it to facilitate their perviness but that perviness will not vanish when Cameroid installs North Korean controls on us all.

    The internet isn’t the problem. It’s actually digital cameras and cheap travel that now facilitate the production of this material – much of it never appearing openly on the web. The internet might allow some unsavoury fellow to jack off to a collection of ones & zeros, in 192,000 glorious colours. But the camera and cheap flight to Thailand often results in a real child being displayed, abused or worse. Does Cameron propose we ban these items too? The argument goes that without the consumption, they’d be no production. This is patent nonsense. The vast majority of production will be for personal consumption by the abuser, akin to taking a trophy. It will probably never find its way on the internet. As was often the case with polariods or self-developed snaps.

    Its all very well Cameron and his feeble minded friends in the media wishing to turn the internet into an electronic version of the 1950’s Home Counties – perhaps that’s the real plan? – but it could cause more harm than good. I would sooner some chap get his jollies on the internet than go out to sate his desires in real life. Look again at where past initiatives have taken us. Kids playing the modern electronic version of ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ being criminalised. Harmless naturist websites now forced to hide in the dark shadows of the internet. People arrested for taking snaps of their babies in the bath. Video camera’s banned from school nativity plays.

    We haven’t simply gone after the evil ones; instead we’re broad-stroke criminalising the under 18’s and turning their photographic likeness into something abhorrent. I’m not talking about what we would recognise as pornography but what the authorities tell us is pornography. What next. We raise the age limit to 21? 26? Better to be safe and sure, right? We’ve already perverted the word paedophile to include the biologically inappropriate age range 12 to 18 so why not go further? At the rate we’re going it will soon only be legal to view images of me, Leggy and Nora Batty online…. and of course, Google won’t index us and you’ll need your Government approved verification of age to enter.

    Were we free of weirdo sex pervs? Hell no. We knew who to stay away from…

    We did. It was drilled into us.

    Kids today should be educated to take account of the modern world and its dangers but all the same principles apply as they did in our day. I was mightily encouraged last year when Channel4 News attempted to blow the lid off the online game Habbo Hotel – a hotbed of paedo activity they excitedly claimed. Instead, the kids they interviewed seemed to have a pretty clear grasp of what was going on and who to avoid. Its a fascinating insight into what’s really happening out there and I’d recommend Cameron and his chums read it before hauling Google into the headmaster’s office.

    The internet has been a huge force for good, so much so, that it has literally changed all our lives. To stifle it now would show we’ve learnt nothing from our history and likely risk learning nothing of the real world in the future. Like Leggy, I was a very early adopter (by the way, early 90’s was likely on a 14.4k modem or 28k if you were posh) and I doubt we’d want to return fully to those wild west days. Back then the Governments were jealously kept at arms length, often their only involvement was the funding they gave the Universities which provided most of the internet’s serious content. More recently they’ve started to tinker, to interfere. Slowly, the internet is being turned into a mix of BBC2 and CBeebies. Unless we take care, the internet will become a child friendly place with non-slip surfaces…. boring and pointless, where your browsing history is on the PM’s desk before breakfast. Dissenters will return to pamphlets, the teens will find another medium to flash their bits, the terrorists will move to using carrier pigeons and the paedophile will again take up his traditional hiding place in the playground bushes. Problem solved.


    • >>early 90′s was likely on a 14.4k modem or 28k if you were posh<<

      I still worked for IBM in the early '90's and the going dial up data rates were 2400 baud or 4800 if you were posh…


  5. Yes, but when your popularity is already past the sewage works, never mind just down the toilet, a sop like this could win many MumsNet type voters.


    • That’s what’ll happen, I reckon. Camoron will try to erect (hah!) a British variant of the Great Firewall of China, only using the Usual Suspects of Crapita, Electronic Disaster Systems and all their manky friends. The same collection of dunces, grifters and leeches who did so well out of Bliar’s NHS IT plan. The thing is this: kiddie porn exists on the internet, and most of the nasty stuff is really rather well hidden.

      A while ago, I read an interview with someone who knew all about this sort of thing; he was a convicted paedophile who had accessed and even set up systems to sell child pornography. The systems to do this use a publicly accessible portal page advertising the usual sordid “Very Young Girls” tagline, which then throws the would-be pervert at a payment portal. Once the punter has given their card details (and sealed their fate should plod ever get their hands on the records), they get shown mild material, then get told to pay much more for the real stuff.

      If they do, they get a link to another web site. This one isn’t listed anywhere, and operates purely on https. Anyone or anything looking at this page gets a simple password form, and that’s it. The server is usually a virtual one, running on a hosting platform in Russia. This system is a basic Linux machine, with a web filestore that is encrypted. To start the web server off, someone has to log in remotely and tell the OS the password.

      This is what makes the server back-ends such a sod to break; an outside investigator cannot see the illegal material via the web, nor via the operating system as the OS doesn’t have the password. Any police investigation and the operators simply reboot the machine and leave it there; the coppers can then knock themselves out trying a dictionary attack on the cryptfs.

      The way to break illegal websites is the same as the way to break drug smugglers: go after the money. Raid the payment processors and force them to clean up their act or check their customers more thoroughly. If they won’t play, block them via DNS blocks or similar.

      Camoron won’t do this. Camoron will try some variant of DNS checking, and possibly transparent web proxies and pretty much everyone will learn how to use VPN gateways to circumvent this silliness.


  6. >I was on CompuServe in the early 1990s with a 56K phone line modem
    N00b! 🙂

    Without even trying, it’s easy to get “Watch free daily updated busty sam cam videos on your mobile” by googling ‘samcam’ and ‘creampie’.

    And this comes from someone with a double first who thinks that LOL means ‘lots of love’. FOAD, Cameron – and I don’t mean ‘for attention of Dave’.

    Curiously, they had the A and B buttons in Australia also. I think the deal was to call my father and once he’d answered, press B to obtain the refund and wait five minutes for him to collect me.


  7. Kids now are not allowed the freedom to learn what we did through experience. No one had to tell us about the prevs, we ‘knew’ somehow, no need to bother parents about such trivialities, we just laughed at them, kids today don’t get the chance to learn to be streetwise. Assault and murder by strangers is still rare and most are within the family/family friends.


    • Actually this is true. I recall returning from an evening visit to the local baths (local? more like 3 miles away) when friend and I walked through an underpass on the way home. At the far end, my pal said “Did you see that man? He had his willy out.”… Being only 10 or 11 years at the time, we did what any boy of that age might have done; we did an about turn and walked past the guy hovering around the opposite end of the underpass for a second look. I can’t recall witnessing the offending item but I know we were in fits of giggles all the way home…and no, we didn’t deem it necessary to mention it to our parents, teachers, Childline or the Jimmy Savile enquiry.


  8. Button B would return your money if you didn’t get through.
    Unless somebody have stuffed a crumpled piece of paper up the return spout, intending to return later to see what they’d netted.

    You could get a free call by tapping the number on the phone cradle instead of putting money in. I didn’t believe that til I’d tried it! A engineering consequence of cleverly cramming in all the comms info on one pair of wires.


  9. I’d loved to know who invented this story. Was it Dave himself or some journalist trying to get a good story? If it was Dave, heaven help us, I thought he was more intelligent than that, or at least had advisers to help him not make such a fool of himself…

    As for Bilderburger, am I the only one who has noticed that about a year before someone becomes PM in the UK or President in the US, they are mysteriously invited to that year’s meeting. Almost as if they are being vetted…

    If they pass muster, they suddenly rise to power pretty quickly. In which case, my money is on Ed the Red being replaced by Ed Balls soon.


  10. XX As for Bilderburger, am I the only one who has noticed that about a year before someone becomes PM in the UK or President in the US, they are mysteriously invited to that year’s meeting. XX

    Aye. And never those that end up being “runners up”..

    Must be some crystal ball those bastards have.


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