Smoking stuff is well covered by Frank Davis, Junican (Bolton Smoker’s Club), Velvet Glove, Iron Fist, Dick Puddlecote and more (in the blog list) so I can veer from the usual rants this evening.
Decorating is complete, no amusing incidents this time (well, they’re amusing to you buggers at least), carpet is intact because I took the precaution of buying an enormous sheet of thin plastic in Poundland and covered the entire floor and the curtains. Ha! Spill all you want, paint, your evil plans are thwarted.
Tonight I have been heating my plums on the stove. I have thirty pounds of the damn things still and there’s at least another ten pounds on the tree. The ones I’ve picked are starting to go bad so I have rendered some down into six-pound batches for winemaking. A sort of DIY wine kit. I can freeze some batches if necessary but as they went into tin trays hot and then sealed, they should be okay for some weeks chilled. Heating will kill off the autolysing enzymes and most bacteria, keeping the air out should stop moulds and chilling should slow down any surviving bacteria. I am not going to Tyndallise the batches, that is going too far even for me.
These are the sort of tins you get takeaway curries in, Poundland sell them in packs of ten and six pounds of rendered plums go into five. There is a delay in starting booze production because the local boozemaking shop is out of the right kind of yeast – but I did learn that there is a local boozemaking group. Hm. I wonder if they need someone to make their yeast more alcohol-tolerant?
Via the View from Cullingworth, I see Old Holborn has penned a quite restrained (swearing-wise) rant on his despair at the feeble minds of modern humanity. Personally I find it all intensely funny. People, including high-ranking politicians, getting outraged at an Asda Halloween suit? Haaahahaha! What a bunch of weak and useless drones. Ripe for believing any old shit I care to make up.
The latest is the massive outrage at Tesco’s ad for an ‘inflatable gay friend’. If I had seen that product before the report I would just have collapsed in fits of mirth, and did so when I saw the report. I wouldn’t have bought one. It’s just such a bizarre idea I can’t believe anyone would ever buy one – I am having trouble believing it really exists as a product.
Years ago, I recall seeing a children’s toy phone in the shape of a frog. The handset was the eyes and the legs were wheels. I recall thinking ‘If you get a job designing children’s toys, they must provide the absolute best hallucinogenic drugs on the planet’.
How far out of your head to you have to get to think ‘inflatable gay friend’ would be a hit commercially? How stoned must you be to even think of it? I’ve been exceptionally drunk many times but that idea never once entered my head. All the way down the line from originator to packet designer, they must have all been fiercely stoned. I picture someone waking up with a sore head and thinking ‘What did I do last night? Oh hell, I didn’t put that on Tesco’s website, did I?’
There are two things funnier than ‘inflatable gay friend’. One is the mind of whoever thought it up but the funnier by far is the reaction of the po-faced, pompous prats who found it offensive. Humanity is not a total loss just yet, the po-faced are all well rated down in the comments so there are still some humour-circuits working in a few brains at least.
An inflatable gay friend offensive? Even as an abstract concept it’s hilarious! As an actual product it is hysterically funny. It would also have died out very quickly as a commercial product because it’s such a stupid idea – but I bet it sells well now.
These drones can’t get anything right. They have been promoting smoking since tobacco advertising was banned, they are now drawing the kids’ attention to the booze they have been shunning, they are pushing fast food to the point where the fast food companies might as well save money on advertising and leave them to it, and now they have boosted the profile of a balloon shaped like a guy in a pink shirt that should have died a natural death because it’s a simply idiotic commercial idea.
Everything they do has the opposite effect to what they want. Everything.
And that is the funniest part of all.
Except there is one thing even funnier… they are the only ones who don’t see it.