Eight and twenty units, makes you bleary-eyed
When the bottle’s opened, some begin to sing,
Others raise their glass and say, ‘This is fit for kings!’
Who said I can’t write cheeldren’s verse? Oh wait, it was me. Anyway, that’s ‘Sing a song of sixpence’ for the modern era. I expect all those cloned girl-singers to release cover versions at any moment. It’ll be sampled by every techno band out there, even the ones that sound like someone put up an IKEA kitchen without remembering to use any screws, and then slammed the door.
By the end of the week, that new nursery rhyme will be on every three-year-old’s iPhone.
It won’t, not really, but since the Puritans will all have had heart attacks and/or turned to Twitter to compress all their pent-up outrage into 140 characters before they get this far, it’s safe to admit that now.
Currently, (thanks to View from the Solent via Email), the Righteous Ones are wringing their jelly-fish-like hands because some songs, sung by adults, mention a wee dram or two.
Really. They think this will turn kids to drink. Have you seen the price of drink these days? If your kids are buying regular shots of strong booze you are giving them far too much pocket money and can you adopt me please?
The report, published in the journal Psychology of Music, used four focal years for analysis, comparing music charts across four decades. They found a significant jump in the number of times alcohol was mentioned.
They started in 1981. So they just missed ‘Day Trip to Bangor‘ which all the kids were singing in 1980, they missed by far ‘Lily the Pink’ by the Scaffold and they definitely missed the song that, with a concerted effort, I think could see a resurgence to be this year’s Christmas no. 1:
Or maybe no. 2, just behind ‘Sing a song of whisky’ dubstep version. (thud thud thud thud sing a song thud thud of whisky thud thud thud – drink or no drink, you’re getting a headache).
Let’s be honest, Chicory Tip’s song is far better than the terrible drone of the earlier Puritan version. I think ‘that bum’ was probably a relative or ancestor of mine…
If the research had not been cherry picked they would have found a massive drop in booze-references in music between about 1940 and 1981, which I will bet has not recovered. Start in 1981? What a load of crap. They found the low point and started from there.
Another band of pseudoscientists. The rest of science really should do something to oust their charlatans, or the next time they laugh at a TV medium, they will find that medium laughing right back. Harder. And justifiably.
Assuming, of course, it hasn’t already happened.
(For the record, I once visited Bangor. The rain was like stair rods and it’s the only place where I have ever felt rain that actually hurt. The only way they had a lovely time would be if they drank all the cider before they arrived)