Jasper Carrott – prophet.

Jasper was a Birmingham-based stand-up comic (well he usually sat down) who was popular some years ago. I remember one of his jokes that I have not found on YouTube, and it was about homosexuality. Something along the lines of ‘It used to be illegal, then it was legal, now it’s celebrated. I’m getting out before they make it compulsory.’ That would have been somewhere around 1980 or maybe earlier.

And so, in the fullness of time, it came to pass.

The Daily Lunacy claims that the Government’s ‘equality’ agenda is not working because we aren’t all dressing up as Julian Clary and singing ‘I’m a little teapot’. Actually I doubt there is anyone in the world who dresses like Julian Clary other than… Julian Clary. His designer doesn’t sell many copies. Anyway.

Only one in 100 people say they are exclusively homosexual, an official survey found yesterday.

Is that not enough? Does ‘equality’ demand a fifty-fifty split? What about pansexuals, don’t they get a say, or has the small mammal lobby been putting pressure on the government? Maybe they are holding Cameron’s cat hostage.

The count by the Office for National Statistics shows that despite the promotion of same-sex marriage and full gay equality by David Cameron and the Coalition, there has been no increase in the past year in numbers of people who say they are gay.

In the past year? This year we have the same population as last year, the only difference is we’re all a year older. Why would anyone expect an increase in any self-defined group? Last year I was a pist and skint smoker. This year, I am one year older. Nothing else has changed. Did anyone wake up one morning and think “Oh dear me, those curtains simply do not go with the colour of my skirting boards” and immediately cast aside their lumberjack outfits to don a leather cap and sport a Freddie Mercury moustache? Well there might have been one or two but it’s not realy likely to make a difference to country-wide statistics.

Why does ‘equality’ demand an increase in numbers? Are we to expect to be issued with Government-mandated sexual preferences in order to make the numbers right?

There are lots of Christians in this country and quite a few Muslims but not many Jains. So will we be allocated a religion too? Equality demands the numbers match. Some of us will be declared fat and some thin, some will be allocated political beliefs so that all parties get a fair and equal share of the vote…

Why can’t we all just be ‘people’? That would be so much simpler and would require no government involvement whatsoever. It would require no equality legislation because everyone would be defined as a ‘person’ and gender, skin colour, religion, sexuality, size, none of those things would matter at all. None would be defended in law because there would be no need. The law would define crimes against ‘the person’ and deal with them accordingly.

If someone beat me to a pulp because I come from Wales I would not care why they did it. I would only care that they did it. Beating someone to a pulp is illegal, the reasons are irrelevant, the crime is in the beating and there should be no opportunity for excuse. Because these differences are used as excuses. ‘His religion made him do it. He was influenced by some neo- Nazi group or other’ and so on. It does not matter. The trial should be concerned only with ‘did he do it, yes or no?’ and the only mitigating circumstances would involve direct provocation.

So, if someone beat me to a pulp because I was constantly provoking them, then that should count in the defendant’s favour. If they did it because their friends egged them on, or their holy book said that Welsh people must die, or because they were drunk or for any reason that did not involve me provoking them, then the law should not make any allowance at all. The law should treat everyone as equal.

‘Equality’ as applied to human relations is not a mathematical formula. If there was only one gay in the country he/she would be ‘equal’ if we were all treated the same.

Instead we are sorted and categorised and classified like some farmer’s stocktake and there are those who think this is a good idea because, at the moment, they are the favoured stock.

The tide has started turning for last year’s favoured stocks – Muslims and travellers are not getting the easy ride they have become accustomed to any more. It will get worse.

If you are one of this year’s favoured cattle, beware. They are just fattening you up for the slaughterhouse.

Don’t believe it? As a smoker I have watched society from the outside for a long time now. I have no desire to rejoin what I see. It’s not nice in there. You think it’s great that the government is on your side, fine, you carry on believing that.

Note though, that they are now pushing a gay agenda just like the previous favoured groups and look what happened to them. The disabled? People who cannot move or speak are now being classed as fit for work while only a few years ago, someone with a bad back could languish on benefits with a free car thrown in. When that tide turns, it turns all the way.

Watch the tide.