This must surely be a contender for ‘headline of the century’ –
Uh… what?
This is, apparently, the ultimate in the reality-TV lunacy of the decadent age. Rome fell long before they reached this stage.
In the show couples have 35 minutes to have sex in a large box on stage. They then discuss the act afterwards with presenter Mariella Frostrup and a panel of experts in front of a studio audience.
They… what? Really? Can’t they come on and talk about the frenzied sexual madness of the night before? Do they really have to appear dishevelled and sweaty for such a discussion? And 35 minutes? What if they’re not finished? Is there someone shouting ‘Time’? What if it’s all done in ten – is there a pack of cards or a Scrabble board in the box? Do people really watch 35 minutes of a box with grunts and shrieks coming from inside?
Colleagues at the Probation Trust are also understood to feel the show is an embarrassment
I think the entire country can agree on that. In fact, I am now amazed that anyone feels the need to receive any television transmissions at all. All you get is biased news interspersed with mindless crap.
I will not watch this porn-by-proxy rubbish. The only thing I will watch out for is whether TV can ever get any lower than this point.
They’ll have to work at it.
underdogs bite upwards 
“The only thing I will watch out for is whether TV can ever get any lower than this point.
They’ll have to work at it.
Please do not give them a challenge, Leg Iron – I have little doubt they will find it quite easy to sink even lower.
LikeLike
Challenge? In every way I can, I will help them down the last few steps to Hell.
LikeLike
It’s total and utter shite, apparently you don’t even get to see them having sex in the box. Utterly pointless tripe.
LikeLike
Nope. You only get to see the box. Then they talk about it. They might have had a game of Monopoly and made the rest up for all anyone knows.
LikeLike
Nah, games of Monopoly last longer. If you’re doing them right, anyway…
LikeLike
“I spent the entire 35 minutes trying to get out of jail” would be the best comment that show could hope for.
LikeLike
Very true! They probably are.
The program is utterly pointless but because of the likes of the Daily Hate ramping it up and just the general intelligence of some of the drones out there it will get good viewing figures. As you have said, it just doesn’t get any lower than this. This is how bad it has become.
LikeLike
I bet they won’t be allowed to smoke afterwards.
LikeLike
Even for channel 4, that would be a step too far – although if they can have sex in the box, surely it’s their ‘home’ for 35 minutes?
If they opened the box and a cloud came out, I’d watch just to see the drones in the audience react.
LikeLike
I’ve pretty much given up on all TV (except Pointless, I love Pointless) but even I would watch that, especially if the experts give a hand flap.
LikeLike
Hah, I was thinking the same thing too. The audience, TV hosts, network, sponsors, etc. would all have a sh*t fit should someone smoke after sex – but having the nearly public sex and then making a long meaningless “discussion” out of it, hey, that’s a-ok. God, talk about a world turned upside down, the anti-smoking industry and it’s league of hateful haters have managed to do, just that.
LikeLike
My decision to not have broadcast TV in the house ten years ago is vindicated in spades. Who on earth watches tripe like that? And who commissions it? They seem to be in a race to see who can set the bar at the lowest point. God help the human race…
LikeLike
The bar is currently underground and digging…
LikeLike
As we’re not allowed any more to poke loonies with a stick, someone employs them to throw up television like this.
LikeLike
Brilliant. I was reading up on Bedlam just this week. It was the place to go on public holidays.
LikeLike
Very occasionally I have a feeling of overwhelming superiority and look down on my fellow man as from a lofty height.
I just had one of those moments and I’m not apologising for it either.
LikeLike
If it wasn’t for humanity, I’d have a lot less to laugh at.
LikeLike
“Do people really watch 35 minutes of a box with grunts and shrieks coming from inside?”
I’m sure there will be some that do, but not me. I saw the trailer a week or so back and my flabber was well gasted. To be honest, like you Leggy, I don’t quite see the point. If we could witness the actual act then on some level at least that would be instructive or even just plain entertaining.
35 minutes! How did they come up with that? Did they just Google it or was it planned around the breakouts for network commercials? And what would I do with 35 minutes…? I reckon the whole of One Direction, a couple of ciggies, check my messages on Facebook and just enough time to comb my hair before dozing off on Mariella’s sofa.
If this show makes it to a second series I’d be very surprised.
LikeLike
I have an idea for a better show. I go into a box for 35 minutes with a few bottles of very expensive malt and make it vanish. All that will be left will be a cloud of smoke.
The subsequent discussion could be a lot of fun too.
LikeLike
If it makes it to a second show I’d be surprised.
The box is soundproofed (I’ve just looked it up on the listings :)) Never mind the contestants – what’s the audience going to do for 35 mins!?
Don’t know what amazes me the most:
– the whole concept
– the presenter being Mariella Frostrup (she of the serious radio progs on books)
– that someone in a responsible job would want to take part (actually that anyone would want to take part)
Truly, we get the tv we deserve…
LikeLike
what’s the audience going to do for 35 mins!?
Watch porn on their iPhones.
LikeLike
“The only thing I will watch out for is whether TV can ever get any lower than this point.”
There used to be that pretend doctor who got people to show off their poo.
LikeLike
Oh, the haggard one telling us how to be gaunt and healthy. I remember her. As a microbiologist doing real analysis on real poo (nobody shakes my hand) I was astounded at her ability to encapsulate days of scientific testing in one glance at a box of botty produce.
She should have pretended to be a professor.
LikeLike
“What if it’s all done in ten – is there a pack of cards or a Scrabble board in the box?”
If I still feel like doing Friday Funnies next week I’ve good entry which fits in nicely with that!
LikeLike
I saw this and thought of you…
http://cheezburger.com/7836902656
LikeLike
Do you mean did I stick my finger up the dog’s arse, or the general state of things at MF?
LikeLike
No, it was a suggestion for next Friday. This might be worth storing too –
http://cheezburger.com/7836099328
LikeLike
As you say, this could be the headline of the 21st century (although still some way to go).
Surely the best headline of the 20th was the News Of The World story ‘Nudist Welfare Man’s Model Wife Fell For The Chinese Hypnotist From The Co-op Bacon Factory’, although one from a South African paper comes close with ‘Woman Dies Of Diarrhea After Attack By Owl’.
LikeLike
You have to wonder if the editor who passed those stories has stopped laughing yet.
LikeLike
mainsteam telly seldom if ever goes on in this house, its utter shite and reached the gutter long ago, be listening to people taking a dump next
on the plus side it keeps the indoctrinated drones cheaply entertained, whilst they are watching this garbage slack jawed and drooling they’re not clogging the streets up
Judd
LikeLike
That’s a point – while the drones are glued to the indoctrination box they aren’t bothering the rest of us. The only TV I’ve watched in years is Dr. Who – and I watch it on iPlayer after the broadcast. I’ve gone off it a bit with those new Daleks in Playschool colours though. The utilitarian dustbins were more in line with Dalek thought.
LikeLike
Dear Leg-iron
I have never paid for a TV licence in my life.
My superiority quotient exceeds my income on this …
DP
PS I cadged a roll-up from someone last week for my first smoke of Ash’s Starttober campaign. This seems to be an annual event, which will double my cigarette consumption. DP
LikeLike
The switch to digital TV was wonderful news. The old analogue sets still play DVDs and VHS tapes but cannot receive transmissions any more. So you can fill your house with televisions and none of them need a licence.
LikeLike
C4’s spokesman’s quote in the DM article is jaw-droppingly pretentious. There are three couples involved in the show – bet the discussion descends into “Mine’s bigger than yours” territory :>
LikeLike
There are going to be gay and Muslim couples, there will have to be. I might watch the one with the chav couple to see how far exaggeration can be taken.
LikeLike
The question remains, If you put a bottle of poison in there with them,…… Are they alive, dead, or both?
LikeLike
The question is, if you put a big photo of Bella Emberg on the wall, can he still do it?
LikeLike
Or is one dead, one alive? Both dead, maybe?
Schrödinger would have kittens!
LikeLike
A panel of experts?
How, exactly, do you become an expert on people having sex in a box in front of a studio audience? Where do you practice? Are there exams? Do you have to be a pervert or is that negative discrimination? When the series ends, where do you go? How do you earn a living? Does your mother know?
LikeLike
You practice by watching porn with the screen and sound turned off, ther exam consists of using your imagination and yes, you have to be a pervert.
LikeLike
Pingback: Friday Funnies by Microdave | Max Farquar
Indeed, the world has gone mad. I suppose it is the ultimate expression of ‘reality tele’. Someone actually gets paid for coming up with these daft concepts. Why anyone would want to watch this shite is beyond me. At least I live in New Zealand and won’t have to turn over the channel. I’m hoping that the execs from ‘Nuzzyland tele’ don’t buy this drivel. It is not as if we don’t have enough of our ‘home grown’ crap. Makes me so mad it makes me want to burn stuff, starting with the tele.
LikeLike