Synchronised pud-pulling.

The Collective now state that ‘all 14-year-olds watch porn in their bedrooms‘ and that their internet usage should be limited to two hours per day.

Two hours? Blimey, modern kids have far more staying power than I did when I was 14, or indeed at any point in my life. Two hours a day? You’d go blind in a month but you’d be able to sell your palm hair to wig manufacturers.

The modern kids have it easy, they don’t have to worry about making Mum’s underwear catalogue all sticky. Nor do they have to sneak in mags and find places to hide them. The porn is hidden with a quick ‘delete history’ nowadays but otherwise, nothing at all has changed. Teenagers will be interested in sex and the spirit of Mary Whitehouse will imagine that can be changed and nothing will ever change. Except the means of access to flesh-toned imagery.

Teenagers are mostly at school. They will use the internet to regurgitate the crap they are expected to believe in for homework, and they will use it for porn. Girls too – come on ladies, you are not the sweet wallflowers you pretend to be. I have cleaned your toilets and overheard your conversations. I know how vile you can get.

Limit their access to two hours a day and what will they cut back on? The porn or the serious stuff? Does that even need an answer?

Modern porn is horrible. In the seventies it was normal-sized guys with Freddie Mercury moustaches and waka-waka guitarists in the background. I have seen recent stuff and it’s all the same. Some guy with a horse dick grafted on and a girl who could accommodate a train. First the suck, then something that stretches her to the point where she could not hold a baby in for the full nine months, then up the tradesman’s entrance. Usually with a bit of slapping and spitting. Disgusting. Also he is expected to finish in her mouth which must surely account for declining birth rates. That is not how babies are made, modern teens. It is how mouth ulcers are made.

I agree that teens should not see this. Over 50, it makes me wince. Let them see the old seventies films where the guy at least knew which hole it was meant to go into, and had equipment normal men could relate to. For most male teens, watching modern porn then looking down can only lead to feelings of inadequacy. Few will be able to impress the average donkey and some will get a snort of derision from a pug. For female teens, it can only lead to unrealistic expectations. No, girls, it is not normal to have a telegraph pole with a bouncy castle on the end rammed up there. Or up there. it is not a good idea to wreck your sphincter muscles either. You’ll be sorry when you have to wear *cough* ‘roomy pants’.

We had it easy in the seventies. All we had to worry about was whether we could manage to grow the moustache and work a waa-waa pedal.

Porn, though, was always there. In my teenage years it was in print, in magazines. In ancient Rome it was in frescoes and even before that, phallic symbols abounded.

People like sex because sex is where people come from. Teenagers are just getting to the stage where they are realising this and wanting to learn more about it. That is how it has always been and how it always will be.

Limit them to two hours of internet a day and what will lose out – the schoolwork or the fingerwork?

It’s not a hard equation (fnarr) and for those Marxists who want us all turned into Borg, it is in fact an obvious next step.

It’s a sideways version of ‘dumbing down’.


25 thoughts on “Synchronised pud-pulling.

  1. Boys will be boys, and girls get pregnant…usually at too young an age to handle it. And in five years they will all be too enamoured with their cellphones to even notice the opposite sex, so there will no longer be any procreation, and we will cease to exist as a species. I think I will start hanging out with apes…..


  2. What do they mean by “porn?”

    For these arsehole, like the anti smoking twats, “one picture of half a tit will kill you! ALL you need is HALF a tit, and you will be DEAD!!!”

    (But then, you all know my theory on milk any way.)


  3. I can sum up modern porn in a single word – boring.

    As you say, all the same over and over again. That or some bird with a dildo. Frankly, if it carries on like that then sane people will be turned more off than on IMHO.


    • I once looked up ‘fisting’ because someone told me about it and I didn’t believe it. The image is burned into my retina – if someone gets an eye transplant from me after my death, they’ll see it too.

      As you say, it’s all the same. One script and then ‘porn – the remake’ over and over. I can’t honestly see any modern kids watching more than a few minutes without getting bored.


  4. I blame the FemiNazis.

    Before them, it was possible for one to persuade a real woman to be shagged by one. Even I could do it.
    Often, it could become possible, if one was polite yet insistent and consistent, to shag more than one woman in a short period of years, but of course not all at the same moment.

    Now that it’s illegal to pick up girls of any sort anywhere – let alone at “the office” where it was the regular quintessence of normality in the late-60s/70s/80s – (I don’t know about the 90s as I didn’t have an office then – only a firm which I ran) I guess that some men, perhaps an increasing number, numb away their sorrows by watching videos and pictures of strangely-sinister-looking naked men shagging seemingly eager women.

    Surely, if one was thinking about sex, however vicariously, the last thing you’d want to see is _another man_ IN THE SAME (virtual) ROOM AS YOU, HAVING SEX (with the female you are regarding….if we were wild animals, that would be (and surely is?) the cardinal mark of intraspecific-failure: he’s got the female that you wanted and will pass on his genes, and you have not, and therefore you will not…

    So I think this trend for showing men “getting off” in various odd ways as well as the normal one probably came in when real men couldn’t get what they had always had.

    “Proper” “porn” is, surely, a pretty woman undressing, nicely, and really a bit submissively, _For You_ , to _give you what you should have_.



    • He’s also got something I’d have to use several rolls of duct tape to even get close. In the old days, I’m sure most of the porn men were of normal size. These days, porn only leads to a sense of ‘well there’s no point even trying’.


  5. One of the best criticisms that I heard of Mary Whitehouse and the anti-sex crones of the National Viewers and Listeners’ Association back in the 70’s has always stuck in my memory. After one of their shrieking “stop the sex” type campaigns, one writer asked why the Association considered it absolutely beyond the pale to show images of a man inserting a blunt object into a woman with the intention of providing pleasure, when an image of the same man inserting a sharp object into the same woman with the object of harming her wouldn’t raise so much as a peep of protest from any of them ….


  6. Does one still find tattered pages from porn mags in the woods? (I ask not having been in any woods for a while.) If not, that is one curiosity of my generation’s childhood lost to technology.


    • If you want to get kids playing in the woods instead of playing on computers, put around the rumour that there are porn mags out there. They’ll walk the entire forest.


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