The Daily Mail are once again surprised and horrified to find Lidl selling reindeer steaks – as they were surprised last year and the year before. Goldfish have far better memories than Mail reporters, as do most of their commenters.
Once again, a bunch of animaloons have decided it’s bandwagon time.
However, animal welfare groups have accused the company of making a mockery of the Christmas season by putting Rudolph on the menu.
Animaloons are now objecting to a fictional cartoon reindeer being eaten at a festival that actually has nothing to do with Christianity and nothing to do with reindeer either – added to which, any link between the birth of Christ, or even the Pagan gods, and a reindeer will stretch the meaning of ‘tenuous’ to breaking point. They genuinely expect to be taken seriously.
I object to this. Lidl have not ruined Christmas. I did that with ‘A Christmas Contract’. The reviews prove it. According to the reviews, I ruined it a bit more with ‘The Sweet Man’ and more again with ‘Cold Turkey for Christmas’. This Christmas I should put all those stories into one volume and send it to the Mail. The shockwave of outrage should produce a tsunami that will swamp Brussels, with any luck. Lidl and their reindeer steaks? Pah. They aren’t even trying. No mention of that five-pointed star, not a peep about the effect of the smoking/drinking ban on Santa’s down time, no toxic candies handed out with a smile, no elves coming back thirty years later with an invoice for goods ordered and supplied (whoops, that’s for this year’s Christmas-wrecking outing).
Just some meat in a bag. And that causes offence? I bet it doesn’t offend turkeys. They’ll be all for it. This is one Lidl Christmas the turkeys will all vote for. A steak with a halved fried tomato on top.
I note they also say they have caviar at £1.49 a pot. It must be a very small pot. I’ve never tried it but at that price for a taster I’d give it a go. The whole thing is the most effective annual Lidl advert ever. I’ll visit tomorrow, I’m in the mood for some more Glen Orchy anyway and a whole cooked lobster at six quid sounds good too.
As for the animaloons, this is what they think –
‘All that seemingly matters to this cut-price supermarket is delivering sick novelty and the pursuit of profit this Christmastime.’
Have they not been in Tesco this past month or so? Or any other supermarket? Or any other shop of any kind, brick or online, at any time ever? This ‘pursuit of profit’ they decry as evil is the only reason any shops exist at all. Including all the activist ‘wear this anti-profit logo and pay us for it’ shops. If there was no ‘pursuit of profit’ nobody would ever have anything for sale.
As for ‘sick’, Ruduplh is a cartoon and Santa’s reindeer were invented by a poet. They do not fly and pull big sleighs at faster than light speed. Sorry, animaloons, Santa isn’t real and neither are his magic reindeer. We can’t buy them in Lidl because they do not exist.
All branches of Righteousness have now fully entered the Absurdity Zone and all are likely to collapse at once. That will require a lot of popcorn when it happens. It’s going to be a riveting thing to watch.
Animaloons, the only advice I can give you now is – send not to ask for whom the bells jingle…