The Bismuth Award.

This came up in the comments and it’s also on Simon Clark’s blog.

If you stop smoking in your home or confine your smoking to one room, they will give you a little badge. A silver badge for confined smoking and a gold badge if you go outside your own home to smoke.

They are still in denial over the reason we smokers don’t visit pubs so much, aren’t they? It’s because we have to go outside to smoke and when it’s cold and wet, that means pubs are not pleasant places to be. Now, if a publican doesn’t want people to smoke in his pub, well it’s his pub. He can apply whatever rules he wants. I would not expect to be allowed to, nor would I have any desire to, impose my rules on someone else’s property – because I am not a neo-Nazi, self-important, bearer of the One True Revelation, antismoking dog’s foreskin with lips pursed tighter than a shrew’s anus.

In my house, which I am paying for, and which will one day actually be mine, I decide what visitors can and cannot do. Okay, I am not going to insist you smoke, it’s not compulsory, but one fake cough, wrinkled nose or hand wave and I will get a sudden urge to not have visitors. The door will open and when it closes, that visitor will be on the other side of it. I will never get the little gold badge and guess how upset I am about that?

Not at all.

As for confining myself to one room in my house when I am paying for all of it, no. I am already effectively banned from smoking most places outside my house, I will not self-impose any kind of ban inside. The line in the sand is most definitely drawn. Cross if you wish, there’s a pit of spikes this side of it. I won’t get the little silver badge either. I am not interested in having a badge that marks me as a compliant drone. Give it to one of the weasels.

There are some rooms I rarely, if ever, smoke in. The bedroom is for sleeping in. I go in there when I am tired and I go to sleep. I don’t smoke in bed, nor do I read in bed. I sleep there. Next day I will make a coffee before having a smoke. Now that I think of it, my tobacco never even goes in the bedroom.

There’s the spare room – I don’t go in there unless I want something from storage. I’m not in there long enough to smoke.

The kitchen. My hands are busy making food or drink, or are wet when washing up. I don’t eat or drink in the kitchen and don’t see it as a relaxation room – the comfy chairs are elsewhere. It’s not a place to sit and smoke and besides, it’s often cold in there. Heating is focused on the rooms I use more often.

None of these are non-smoking areas. They are just places I’m not using as smoking areas. If I have a visitor in the spare room and they want to smoke in there, I will provide an ashtray. There’s already one in the kitchen anyway.

This is the most patronising and insulting idea the antismokers have come up with yet. Awarding some tawdry certificate to people who accept that the antismokers have the right to tell them how to live in their own homes? Oh, there will be takers, I am sure. The drones will clamour for the ‘I am a compliant idiot’ stickers and display them with pride. ‘Look at me, I am doing as I am told’.

What next? Will they be part of the home information packs for prospective buyers? If so, when the day comes for me to sell up, I’ll get one by lying. I have no qualms about lying to the antismokers – they have never been troubled by all the lies they have told me. The house will be thoroughly infused with third hand smoke but I’ll just lie. And no, it does not ‘stink’ as the antismokers insist, because I clean it. They cannot tell by sniffing. The best part is, they are convinced that they can.

How about we have our own smoker’s ‘badges’? Nothing so blatant as a certificate on the wall. Instead we could indulge in a little symbolism. Some small item on a shelf.

I have a collection of shiny stones (I like to tell people that money will soon be worthless and we’ll all be buying things with shiny stones soon) and lots of these stones have mystical attributes attached to them. I don’t care about the mystical attributes, I just like the stones.

So let’s stay away from the dreadfully tacky gold and silver awards and just place a particular stone where it can be noticed. I picked out a few stones to get the ball rolling, How about this –

If you are a nonsmoker who does not hate smokers, whether that be a smoker-supporter (careful, you’ll be an accessory to SHS!) or someone who just does not care about smoking at all, place a piece of quartz on view. It does not mean you have to allow smoking in your house – your house, your rules – it just means you do not support measures to stop me smoking in mine.

In case there’s someone who doesn’t know what quartz looks like (it is never safe to assume everyone in the world shares your interests) here’s a picture of one of mine –

quartzNo they don’t all have little blue eyes. That’s a reflection from the LED strip underneath the desk that illuminates the keyboard drawer.

If there is occasional smoking in your house – maybe you have visiting relatives who smoke, maybe you smoke once in a while, maybe you’re a nonsmoker who doesn’t mind smoking visitors, then tiger eye is the stone to signal your stance to visitors.

It’s hard to get a good photo, it’s reflective and it shimmers, but this is it –

tigereyeFinally, if there is active smoking in your house whenever you’re in it, display a crystal of bismuth. This is mine –

bismuth2A lot prettier than a patronising certificate, aren’t they? They are not ‘awarded’, you decide whether to get one or not. It’s not some drive to get compliance, it’s entirely your choice. You need not display anything more than a few ashtrays or even a ‘please don’t smoke’ sign to indicate your preference although I would advise against the latter. Personally, I would not light up unless I could see an ashtray in use and if it was my first time in your house, I’d ask whether you minded anyway. A sign is insulting.

The choice of bismuth for the smoker’s signal is deliberate. It’s a particularly stunning crystal and everyone is going to want one. If it becomes established as an ‘it’s okay to smoke here’ indicator, antismokers dare not get one.

Note that I do not endorse any of the cystal sites I linked to there. I haven’t tried any of them, they are just sources of information. I shop around on eBay for good stones and there are many seaside shops selling them. Real shops let you choose one you like and are often cheaper – because there’s no postage.

The list can be expanded if anyone has any ideas. Or it can be changed if anyone has better ideas. Just – no gold or silver. The antis have co-opted those for their compliance badges so let them have those. Let them push the drones into accepting their ‘awards’.

We will get our own and award them to ourselves. No funding, no organisation, no committees, nothing. We buy a rock or we don’t buy a rock and we don’t give a damn who has a rock and who doesn’t.

Note to government – whatever you are paying these people, we have been doing the same thing in the opposite direction for free. Have you noticed that yet? Guess how much funding Octabber had? Guess how many committees met to set it up?

None at all. The hugely expensive Stoptober ran for 28 days and involved no real people. Octabber ran for 31 days, with 31 (correction – 35) real people’s stories, and cost nothing. Stoptober involved committees. Octabber had one central operator with random others calling in now and then.

I wonder how much the daft compliance-certificate idea has cost? How many meetings did they have? When it fails, as they always do, how much tax money was wasted? Has anyone worked out the cost to the NHS of antismokers? That figure doesn’t need to be made up, it’s right there in NHS accounts.

The smokers’ response, as always, involves no more than the price of a cheap rock (unless you get a really big one but that’s up to you) and will not involve meetings, it will develop on its own. If it fails, it’s cost nothing at all.

Ultimately the antismokers will run out of money. We never had any to start with.

That’s why all we really need is patience and bloody-minded persistence.


46 thoughts on “The Bismuth Award.

  1. “Ultimately the antismokers will run out of money. We never had any to start with. That’s why all we really need is patience and bloody-minded persistence.”

    Very true Leg! I think that’s what drives them nuts and why they’re so angry about the Internet.

    And EXCELLENT comparison of Stoptober and Octabber! Pat Nurse did an INCREDIBLE job there!!!



  2. The Zealots, by sleight of hand, got their best bet passed – the full smoking ban. Since then, their efforts have been centred on minor matters. But the probability is that the full smoking ban cost less than the promotion of these minor matters. The full smoking ban was backed up by swingeing fines of publicans, but what swingeing fines can be levied on people who smoke in their own cars? the idea is basically unsustainable because there is no ‘publican’ to persecute. The Zealots tried it on by getting the highway code to include smoking as a ‘distraction’. A fat lot of good that has done.
    Everything that the Zealots are currently proposing will have less effect and be more expensive to impose. It follows that we must attack, attack and attack the full smoking ban. Little else matters. That means attacking the SHS scare.
    You were talking about Big Food being lost already. Well, they will be if they do not ally themselves with Big Alcohol, Big Salt, Big Sugar, etc. If these organisations do not form a group and make their influence felt, then they will be picked off one by one – by professional charlatans.
    We cannot do anything about that, but we can continuously pick at THE BAN.


    • XX The Zealots tried it on by getting the highway code to include smoking as a ‘distraction’. XX

      So what?

      The “Highway code” is exactly that, a code. It is NOT the law!

      AS to “smoking as a distraction”. Then they must also want to ban these ; “I got no dick so I play my music loud”. Insuffereable motherfucking wankers. (Although… considering they have no dick wanking may cause some confussion)

      If THAT is not a distraction, I really give up trying to think what IS.


    • Yes, we can keep pointing out that the smoking ban is central to the current round of bans. We can keep pointing out that the same template it being applied over and over.

      Eventually the drones will see it, but only when that template is applied to something they like.

      If they want to keep the ‘something-they-like’ then they have to break the template. Doing that will also break the smoking ban, but the drones don’t have to know that 😉

      Antitobacco makes use of idiots to get their way, I see no reason why we should not do the same.


  3. Tracey Furness (Smoke Free Homes project worker) , Kelly Cruickshanks (smoking cessation co-ordinator), in the caption to the pic,

    Are these really real jobs, paid from our purse?

    And why is the fireman (real job) and a fire engine in the background of the pic?

    Do they think we are going to spontaneously combust?


    • They think we are going to set fire to everything. Every major fire is blamed on smokers first, then quietly, quietly, the real cause is reported.

      Just as with cancer, nobody is doing anything about the real causes. It’s all just blamed on smoking.


  4. Pingback: The Bismuth Award. | A school of dolphins

  5. Whilst I am reluctant to support the Army of Regulators, I do have sympathy with the primary aims of this campaign. Exposing children unnecessarily to fume is no more acceptable than their covert introduction to an addictive habit which takes root in the social elements of offering/exchanging/smoking tobacco products. Smokers are simply asked to pledge a smoke-free home, or that only one room will be used for smoking, but never in front of children.

    I am less enthusiastic with the line “Even non-smokers can sign up to the scheme, so that when friends of family come round, they can respect the Smoke Free Home status.”

    I know, Leggy, “Doin’ Right Ain’t Got No End” and one day that same Army will lay siege to my own home, demanding its liquor-free status…for the sake of the cheeeldren.


    • So –
      “Exposing children unnecessarily to (Religion/Music/Art/Television/Radio/Internet/Meat/Fat/Sugar/Science/Culture/Thought/Politics/Tea/Hobbies/Sport/History/Philosophy/Dirt/etc) is no more acceptable than their covert introduction to an addictive habit which takes root in the social elements of offering/exchanging…”?

      Expose children to the world they will live in.
      Including things you personally don’t like.


      • There is no harm to others from smoking and where kids don’t like it, parents are quite capable of making policy based on what their own families want -they don’t need sanctimonious strangers to make rules for them.

        Secondly, read tabbers and you will see some smokers came from non smoking homes – as indeed non smokers cam from smoking homes.

        You might fall for the propaganda MTG, but some of us can think for ourselves and so can our kids – and they are our kids. They do not belong to the state or the anti-smoker industry who are not the ones making all sorts of sacrifices for our kids as all parents do. Smokers are no different. They are not monsters nor child abusers.

        Leave us alone.


        • “Smokers are no different. They are not monsters nor child abusers.”

          There’s another board I’ve been active on lately where we were just treated to this little gem:

          “I never smoke, but I respect people rights to do so.” Is this not nearly the same like to say: “I never force children to inhale tobacco smoke (second-hand smoke) and I never rape children, but I do respect people rights to do so.”?

          Nice, eh?

          The poster is a typical mentally ill Anti, making multiple posts of the same character and somehow constantly switching names while doing so. He/She would probably treat the “Four Pages Of Hate” in TNacht as though it were the Holy Bible. :/

          – MJM


    • They are already well advanced on the anti-booze front. You won’t have long to wait. I’ve started homebrew again for a reason.

      They are also going at the fat/sugar/salt hard now. You won’t have long to wait.

      And you know, I’ve made preparations for those too.

      See, there will come a time when the new denormalised will look at us smokers and say ‘How do you cope with all this?’

      We’ll say ‘Not telling’.


  6. Got lots of stones on display here, except the bismuth. Your specimen is a real beauty, isn’t it? The “smoking permitted here” sign in this house is the blackened incense holder in the tokonoma, in front of the Buddha seated on a lotus leaf. When I was thurifer at church in the UK they used to call me “Holy Smoke”. I would certainly be banned nowadays.


    • I was lucky to get that one at a good price. Full hoppers are expensive now.

      Don’t they have ‘No Smoking’ signs in churches now? They have them in all the food shops nobody ever smoked in anyway.


        • There were reports just after the smoking ban of clubs that had resorted to burning incense to cover up the nasty stench that was previously disguised by tobacco.

          Nobody seemed to mind…

          …because people are idiots.


          • Don’t have it at hand at the moment, but there’s at least one study out there claiming that incense puts out forty times the intensity of carcinogens as cigarettes do (per hour? or just intensity? Don’t remember.)

            – MJM


            • There was something about the glue that holds it all together but I don’t have it to hand either.

              Even so, forty times ‘mostly harmless’ isn’t so bad in the real world. In Droneland of course, it’s instant death. It’s fun to let them believe it.


  7. “Money will soon be worthless and we’ll all be buying things with shiny stones soon”, LI many a truth spoken in jest.

    You seem to like fucking around with small things, ever considered taking up Lapidary? I have a faceting machine that I use on a range of natural semi precious and lab grown precious rough stones.
    The seashore up your way is known for Citrine (one of my personal favourites) and Baltic amber.


    • A faceting machine? I am impressed. I’ve never really got much further than carving amber and jet using sandpaper and a dremel, though I once did manage to shape some moldavite into a teardrop so I could see the bubbles.


    • Amber? I’ll have to go looking. It’s not the best time of year for the seaside so there won’t be many people around.

      Not that there ever are, here. You could power a small town with our summer shivering sunbathers.


  8. Actually LI – we ended up with 35 tobacco consumers over 31 days telling stoptober to shove it.

    Our next counter campaign is the Platinum Promise – email the if you want to make the platinum promise that you will (politely) tell the anti-smoker industry to shove their patronising idea and keep their noses out of our business and their feet out of our doors. We can even rustle up a certificate (at no cost) to those who have the most creative idea of ways to tell them.

    A post will go up on Octabber about this soon as I have some time today – and the campaign to name and shame those MPs, MEPs and councillors, (plus wanna-be politicians standing for election) who refuse to represent the interests of their tobacco consumer constituents.


        • I know of three smokers, offhand, who do not use the internet at all. There will be many more. Then there are the internet smokers who don’t know about blogs and the ones who know but never read.

          Out of the few remaining after cutting all those out, getting 35/36 in a month is an astounding feat!


          • I do intend to get the blog updated asap with news of the possible e-book 😉 But bloody work is holding me back this week …. grrrrr!


            • I have several books in process – if only I didn’t have to work! It’s catch-22; I can make enough money writing eventually, but I have to find time to do it while making money conventionally.


    • if you want to make the platinum promise that you will (politely) tell the anti-smoker industry to shove their patronising idea and keep their noses out of our business and their feet out of our doors.

      Platinum promise? I’ll qualify for that!!!! I’ll chase anybody I don’t like off MY premises – very politely!
      My intense dislike of any thing anti-smoking will make this job – very politely – VERY enjoyable!!!!


  9. Pingback: Patronising Piffle | Longrider

  10. A silver badge for confined smoking and a gold badge if you go outside your own home to smoke.

    Right, folks. How do we remind the smoke(r)haters of some REALITIES in life?

    1. Chiiiildren want a f****** badge. I have outgrown that stage of life a long time ago.
    2. MY home is exactly that. MINE!!! I DECIDE where to put the ashtrays.

    Please, no-one tell me that there are adults who want a “badge” from ASH………..(?)


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