Does exactly the opposite of what ASH put on the packaging.

I have never heard of Ronson cigarettes. Is this some fakery made up by someone who thought ‘Well they make lighters and flints so it stands to reason…’ or is it an attempt to cash in on the old Ronseal advert slogan?

Anyway, some bloke was caught selling Ronseal – no wait, Ronsons in a Wetherspoons and he had loads of them at home. He also had enough stocks of willie-stiffening pills to turn fifty men into a permanent set of scaffolding poles. When I was a kid we used to joke about needing lollipop sticks and a rubber band. Now that comes in tablet form.

The police found other terrible things.

During a police raid at the property, a Samurai sword, a dagger and an air rifle were discovered.

None of which are illegal to have in your house. And why is it always a Samurai sword? I have three, all ornamental and totally useless in a fight. I also have a Masonic ceremonial sword which is very nice but blunt (I’m not a Mason, the sword has someone else’s name on it and was made in Chicago). I have one which has a button on the handle which, when pressed, lets the double-ended blade slide through the handle. In fact, I have quite a few non-Samurai swords, all of which would be a far better choice in a fight. You break in and want to pick a sword to fight me with? You are going to pick the wrong sword. The pretty ones are rubbish, I’ll tap the blade out of the handle in a second. You pick the shiny one, I’ll take this tatty one.

Daggers are openly sold. You can have as many as you want. Even Riddick’s curvy knives (second one down). Air rifles, same. Take them outside and wave them around and you’ll get almost as much attention as someone with a camera these days – although camping with large knives, and a kid going through the streets with a (broken open or covered) airgun would not have got a second glance thirty years ago. Now? They find one in your house, even if it has never been fired, and you must be a criminal. They’ll even pretend it’s a real gun.

It’s not. Just as the ‘cigarettes were said to be counterfeit’ suggests they weren’t. I haven’t heard of that brand but if they were fake the Mail would have been screaming it out.

Then we have the ‘cost to the economy’ crap –

Estimates suggest Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs loses around £1.9billion of tax each year because of the huge trade in tobacco smuggling.

Aw, diddums. Did we price ourselves out of the market then? Do you expect smokers to give a crap? We are denormalised. The government, and the economy, have made it clear they don’t want us or our money. So stop whining that you aren’t getting it. You told us to fuck off. We fucked off. What is your problem now?

This one struck a chord though –

Coun Jacqui Beswick, from Rochdale council, said: ‘I would urge members of the public to report anything suspicious by phoning the citizens advice consumer service on 08454 04 05 06. Alternatively they can contact the police on 101.’

101? Orwell would be so proud.

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25 thoughts on “Does exactly the opposite of what ASH put on the packaging.

  1. A Ronson is a type of lighter, isn’t it? Never heard of a cigarette brand by that name. The malers may be trying to cash in on the cachet of an old name, or just have a soft spot for same…

    “During a police raid at the property, a Samurai sword, a dagger and an air rifle were discovered.”

    Ah, same old press insinuations and scaremongering. More than two knives/swords/axes = “an arsenal of potentially deadly weapons”; copy of Mein Kampf or an Osprey book of WW2 Wehrmacht uniforms = “neo-nazi literature”; taxidermy or mounted animal skulls = “macabre collections of corpses”; electrofag on a bus = “potential explosive device”.

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    • XX More than two knives/swords/axes = “an arsenal of potentially deadly weapons”; copy of Mein Kampf or an Osprey book of WW2 Wehrmacht uniforms = “neo-nazi literature”; XX

      I have seen less than that being used in court to “prove” that someone had “racist intent” when accidentally looking the wrong way at a sand-nigger.

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      • “Every kitchen has an arsenal of potentially deadly weapons”

        as Frau Blocked Dwarf is a paranoid psychotic, that observation is particularly worrying…

        …as with all fine dry grain powder, I’m guessing snuff can be made to ‘explode’ under the wrong circumstances , right?

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  2. They always suggest,”The illicit trade is said to fund serious crime.”

    As if serious crime runs at a loss, and needs subsidizing by trivial crime?
    Did journalists use to read what they’d written, and think; before printing it?

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    • They certainly used to have to ferret around and think hard about what they committed to paper. It could be physically dangerous not to. I know as I accompanied one ( a relative) on several ‘expeditions’ visiting places, high and low and seeing people, high and low. On one occasion, I feared for my health! it was amazing the people that used to sidle up to him, whispering in his ear. He was personally known in the front and back streets and, more importantly, trusted.

      But, of course, those were the days of proper ‘journalism’, long since gone. Copy and paste the latest release from wherever, now, no effort involved and all done remotely. Piss easy, eh?

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    • Heh. Tins on checkouts with ‘Help Serious Crime’ on them would probably collect quite a bit of money these days. Especially if you worded it ‘Help serious crime to lose its dependency on tobacco’. That would rake in a fortune!

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  3. XX And why is it always a Samurai sword? I have three, all ornamental and totally useless in a fight XX

    I have nine, they are real, you can LITERALLY shave with them, and would be IDEAL in a fight.

    But as long as I do not take them out of my house, they are LEGAL!

    EVEN in the U.K!

    Of course THAT would not scare the proles into buying more Daily Mails, would it?

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    • I have one sword that, given a choice, nobody would pick in a fight. They’d take one of the shiny samurais with the rat-tail tangs. The one I’d pick looks like a big steak knife, it’s full blade tang with a bit of wood riveted on each side. It can hack its way through a wooden beam.

      All of them are legal as long as they’re in the house. I could even display them in the window if I wanted. I won’t because I’d soon get fed up of being reported as ‘not a drone’.

      How can they expect me to be normal when they’ve spent all that time and money denormalising me? I would question the thought processes of politicians if I thought for a moment they had any.

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  4. Ronson cigs used to be rather good, in a ‘slightly less than eye-bleed price’ sorta way. I’m trying to recall when I last smoked them…pretty sure Tescos or Massassins even stocked them for a while.

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    • Just googled a bit and the Ronson cigarette brand used to belong to JTi/Gall and was sold to Bacco. For a time-according to the ICIJ -it was a brand beloved of smugglers.

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      • “JTI, which is owned in part by
        the Japanese government, manufac-
        tures some of the brands that smug-
        glers cherish the most, including
        Ronson. Redko says his company
        is constantly decreasing produc-
        tion of Ronson, though he would
        not disclose the exact figures of “

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    • Never saw them, but I recvall that just before the Doors of Shame descended, there were ‘value’ brands of rolling tobacco appearing. Never tried them, they’re probably cut with lawn clippings or wilted cabbage. There were a lot of low-end readymades, but the names kept changing.

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  5. I have never heard of Ronson cigarettes. Is this some fakery made up by someone who thought ‘Well they make lighters and flints so it stands to reason…’

    Be on your guard regards fondly remembered brand names. Bell & Howell, for example, is no longer that maker of video equipment remembered from my school days. Now it is CCC (Cheap Chinese Crap. That does not say that Chinese only make Cheap Crap. That says that that particular brand now is CCC). I purchased a rifle scope from BSA. BSA evidently no longer means Birmingham Small Arms; I don’t know if you’re trying to buy a bike, a small motorcycle, a well-made firearm or firearm accessory, or whatnot but it does not indicate a product made with legendary British craftsmanship. Just typing ‘legendary British craftsmanship’ dates me as surely as do tree-stump rings date trees.

    Is a Volkswagen made in Mexico a product of German workmanship? I suspect not.

    Branded products used to denote a product intended to be, designed to be, executed to be, and actually a superior product over whatever generic style whatis was out there on the market. Now, not so much.

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    • There is a silver lining. When the brand name is trashed by CCC, you can get the old, original stuff on eBay for bugger all. Metrication is also a good thing – I recently bought a Moore and Wright micrometer in Imperial units and in top condition for a fiver. The young can’t figure it out – but model scales are still mostly based on multiples of 12, not 10. It’s actually easier to work in Imperial!

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      • I had a maths teacher who maintained that a duodecimal system was superior to the decimal system insofar as it was divisible by both two and three. However, I abandoned the imperial system when I was building recording studios in London in the 80s. The architect would give me the plans marked all in millimeters, and having in the past struggled with adding lengths like 1ft 6 and 5/16 in plus 4 ft 7 and 3/8 in, to go to just adding (or subtracting or dividing or multiplying) whole numbers was a revelation. And as for calculating radii… I was converted!

        I have a nostalgic fondness for the imperial system, but only in the sense that one has a nostalgic fondness for, say, a 1952 Ford Prefect; lovely to play around with, but not a viable choice for everyday transport.

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        • I’d already learned the Imperial Way before we went over to the dark side, so can use both interchangeably. Measuring, I’ll use whichever gives me the easiest number – so a room can be twelve feet by four metres on my notes.

          It does cause a bit of a problem when buying things like carpet.

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  6. “Coun Jacqui Beswick, from Rochdale council, said: ‘I would urge members of the public to report anything suspicious by phoning the citizens advice consumer service on 08454 04 05 06. Alternatively they can contact the police on 101.’”

    Yeah, that’s really helpful, unless you work somewhere where the private switchboard bars calls starting with “1”!

    Like

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