Friday quickie

Have to be up for work tomorrow so this lonely bottle of Cardhu will only get sampled tonight. £10 off in Tesco (£35 reduced to £25 – how could I resist?). Still, it’s expensive, it’s best to make it last as long as possible.

I finally got around to getting my hair cut. I look like I’ve evolved! It’s thinning on top so even when it’s long, it’s not bushy when I look in the mirror to comb it after washing it, but when the back dries it puffs out into a shrubbery. When you start to become conscious of the weight of hair on your head then it is time to visit Pretty Blonde Barber and have it shorn. Anyway, that job is at last ticked off the list and it’s a weight off my mind.

Oily Al has messed up again. If he gets independence for Scotland we’d be booted out of the EU. He acts like that’s a bad thing. If he had any sense at all, he’d realise that it’s one of the most powerful arguments for independence he could have and spun the right way, would get him a definite yes vote with a massive majority.

Also, he has to ditch Sterling and devise his own currency. The Seeyoupal, with coins counted in Jimmies, would be a great one. Don’t put John Logie Baird or McAdam on those notes, no, put one panel of an Oor Wullie cartoon on the back of each one – and make one of the panels rare. People all over the world would buy that currency just because it’s funny. Scotland could print money and get rich selling it.

More seriously, he cannot claim independence when the value of his currency is dependent on the whims of Whitehall.

Independence should be a chance for Scotland to buck the trend. To say ‘Och, awa’ an’ bile yer heid’ to all the control-freakery and Puritan self-hate now permeating the world. Instead, Oily Al wants an independent Scotland that is just the same as it would be if it was still under the UK/EU thumb. What’s the point? Independence means independence, Oily Al. Westminster is irrelevant. The EU controls all the UK so if you want to stay in that, there’s no independence at all, is there?

What happened to you Scots? Did your balls drop off under snow-covered kilts? You know, less than two miles from me is the site of the second to last land battle fought on the UK mainland. Actually, no, less than two miles away is where the first of it started. Some of it was in my back yard.

Scots used to fight for what they believed in. They had leaders who were at the front of the battle line. Now they take handouts and follow a leader who’d back out of a pub confrontation. A leader who would be turned down for a job as a used car salesaman because he doesn’t look trustworthy enough. You want independence? Go for it – but your masters are not the English. They are slaves too. Your masters are the EU and Oily Al is determined to keep you in thrall to them. He doesn’t think he is really offerning independence but that Spanish PM’s words suggest that perhaps, inadvertantly, he is.

Vote ‘Yes’ and get thrown out of the EU. The English, and many other nations, will be desperately jealous. be ready to get a new leader because Oily won’t be able to cope.

The Catalans will also be watching with interest. That Spanish PM doesn’t know what a can of worms he has just opened.

Change of subject (come on, keep up) – there is a Japanese company making life sized dolls of Lady Gaga that play music through her tits. You have to stick your face in there and try to hear above the motorboat sounds you’re making.

I don’t want one. Nothing wrong with her or her music – I think she’s pretty and can sing well, and her songs and videos are pretty damn good, it’s just not my style of music. But I do not want a room-temperature lifelike woman in my house. That is what is commonly known as a ‘corpse’. I read, a few months ago in Fortean Times (far more sensible and balanced than New Scientist), that there is an American company making extremely lifelike silicon sex dolls, which is disgusting. The more lifelike a room-temperature doll is, the more it is akin to necrophilia.

Now, if the real Lady Gaga wants to come and sing to me while I bury my face in her chest, I am very interested indeed. But a plastic one? No. I’ll stick with YouTube for the listening parts.

If you really must have a silicone corpse, at least do it properly.

Right. Sleep time. Goodnight from me, and goodnight from Cardhu. Which has mostly survived, for tonight at least.


10 thoughts on “Friday quickie

  1. FUCK me!!!

    35 quid for a bottle of cheap and nasty whiskey!!??

    Maybe €45 for my bottle of Lambs navy is not so expensive after all.

    Oh! AND last night, my Wife tells me, part of her family own a rum distillery near Bremen, and even have their own family name branded rum!!

    NOW she tells me!!!


    • Well, cheap and nasty whisky can be had for about £15-20, which is why I like Lidl so much. Glen Orchy is a vatted malt, far superior to most ‘cheap’ blends and it’s still £13.50.

      Never did take to rum myself although a fellow Smoky-Drinker is a big fan of Morgan’s spicy rum.

      Interesting timing on your wife’s part there. She tells you now that her family has a rum distillery? What is she expecting for Christmas?

      I bet it’s something expensive 😉


  2. Lady Gagga is welcome to visit. Providing she brings that dress made of meat. Have you seen the price of steak?

    On second thought, that dress might be a bit iffy by now. And, what if she were to insist on singing? Not that I dislike singing, it’s just if I’m to be preached to while singing occurs, I’d rather have the Mormon Tabernacle warblers provide the background noise; they have that huge old pipe organ going, and the phrase ‘huge old pipe organ going’ makes me smile.


    • It was probably her most expensive dress ever. I am sure there was no pork in it, can you imagine the palpitations the Mail would have had?

      It could be an interesting evening. When she tried to leave and asked for her clothes back, well, um, we had those for dinner. She’d have to leave wearing my hat and little else but she’s worn a bad copy before anyway –


  3. Lady Gaga is controlled ‘Illuminati’/Satanic music industry.

    Anyway, just wrote this in response to a lovely piece of prose by Frank Davis:

    Classy piece of writing, Frank. A joy to read. It could have been Orwell. It has given me the idea of writing a piece to reflect Scotland’s probable future post indy-pretence.

    It could start with the big Independence Day Parades and subsequent public celebrations having to be cancelled due to EU health and safety measures not being quite implemented correctly at all the venues.

    Contrary to recent Spanish ‘concerns’ that Scotland would be booted out the EU and need to reapply, this will prove to be false hope on the part of many of us. Something to do with Scotland having 90% of the EU’s oil reserves entitling us via the UK’s membership.

    But General Salmond (as he chose to be known as from Independence Day) was forced – sorry, was delighted – to sign up to every EU organisation and treaty. It meant we were now a member of EUROGENDFOR – The European Gendarmerie Force –

    So, police from Portugal to Poland were controlling the crowds in all the major towns and cities as each and every Independence Day celebration was cancelled and unfulfilled revellers who refused to comply with the orders of EUROGENDFOR officers were bundled into police vans and into many unmarked cars too, such was the extent of the outrage.

    “We’ve been waiting three hundred years for this glorious day. I, personally, have devoted the past forty years to the cause, and nobody – but nobody – is going to stop me celebrating,” yelled one man in his sixties, tears rolling down his face, seconds before being bundled into a van.

    And then we could go into the haggis being banned – first, the deep-fried ones from the chip shops. In fact, deep frying everything will be illegal. Oven chips only, served up with a 0.5g sachet of salt (kept behind shuttered doors).

    It will be a lot more fun writing it than living it!


    • I seem to remember the EU tried to ban haggis once before. They don’t like to fail so they’re bound to try again. Then we’ll all have to learn to make our own – well we’re getting used to that is no may other areas already so it won’t be a problem.

      Individual independence is surely scarier for the EU than country-independence, and yet that is the inevitable unintended consequence of their actions!


  4. “If he had any sense at all, he’d realise that it’s one of the most powerful arguments for independence…”

    That’s a good point! All the evidence shows that the EU trading bloc is good for those in the centre but bad for those at the periphery. The SE of England gets more out of it than Scotland or Ireland. Hungary gets more out of it than Greece etc.


    • Also, polls are showing that the UK is sick of the EU, while few Scots give a damn about independence from England (perhaps a growing number are realising that it’s not England they need to get away from?)


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