Someone at work asked me if I could make little chairs for some knitted rats from Thailand. Yeah, well, I live a mundane life, can’t help it. I said ‘sure’ (she did the big eyes thing which never fails) and today she brought in a knitted rat.

I don’t want to keep the rat for very long. This is a smoky house, she is a nonsmoker but not an antismoker, all I need are measurements and maybe a quick-rigged plasticard rough chair for size. Then the rat can go home.

It’s easier than most of my current ongoing models and won’t take too long. It’s a big scale, the chairs would be around 1/12th scale so will have mortice and tenon joints. Compared to N gauge or the 1/1200th sub I’ve drilled out, a piece of piss. They won’t be crappy pine either, they won’t need much wood so they can be made of something decent.

This means that tonight, I took to YouTube for woodworking videos and was seriously distracted. Very, very distracted. There are so many.

Slightly disappointed too, to find that ‘tobacco wood‘ is not actually from tobacco plants but is the bits of wood used to hang the leaves.

But then I still have the stems of this year’s crop, set aside for possible electrojuice production. They are reasonably solid and woody. Something could be made from them.

Not these little chairs though. I have some little bits of teak and oak in the garage, and a scroll saw.

I wonder if the YouTube man’s bracelet wearers realise where their wooden wrist-patches come from. I wonder if future Ebayers will realise where the realistically planked buildings and wagons came from… Oh, that evil feeling is back!

I haven’t felt this evil since breakfast. Which was boiled egg, a feasting on the unborn.

Eat the unborn. It’s good for you. Then make little chairs for knitted rats from Thailand. You know it makes sense.



15 thoughts on “Chairs.

  1. Who on earth would need to knit mice and rats? Don’t we have, as a planet, enough living ones?

    What are people coming to? There are at least 100,000,000,000 of these creatures, and they helpt to destroy up to 45% of our food production tonnages.

    Build mousetraps for the woman instead.


  2. “I wonder if the YouTube man’s bracelet wearers”

    After steaming a batch of whole Burley leaves from *insert plug for here* I deribbed them and found that the stalks were beautifully soft and pliable. Just for shit ‘n giggles and because the Lord hates idle hands, I wove three or four of the longest stems into what we as Boy Scouts would have called a ‘woggle’ back before they no doubt banned the term for being far to close to ‘wog’ for comfort.

    Then , not knowing any boy scouts to present it to, I chucked it in the bin. Did have visions of the local Arkela dib-dib-dogging whilst proudly displaying her new ETHNIC neckerchief-holder-formerly-known-as-a-woggle…


    • I remember those woggles. You could also weave the stalks into rings that double as patches. A bit more graceful than duct-taping a leaf to your arm, and cheaper than the patches too. 😉


  3. I remember a tv advert for Davenports brewery, a Birmingham brewery that specialised in delivering beer to our homes (their advertising strapline was ‘beer at home means Davenports’) and the adverts would always end with an avuncular chap (I think one of the Devenport family) toasting us viewers with a pint of mild and saying ‘chairs’. (well it sounded like chairs, not cheers). Hence the chair connection with a great product – beer !


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