Past the credulity horizon.

Cancer Research’s subversive response to Drinkuary is apparently on television. In summary, if you support the CRUK campaign, they want to to not drink any alcohol at all in January and send them money to prove you’re doing it. By way of contrast, if you support Drinkuary, you can drink or not-drink as you please and nobody expects any money from you.

Furthermore, the CRUK campaign is paid for through your taxes while Drinkuary costs the taxpayer nothing. The choice is yours – do you support, and send more money to, a campaign that you have already paid for, or do you reject the idea of paying arrogant, self-important people to tell you how to live? The latter is all that is required to support Drinkuary.

I have not seen the CRUK ad on TV because I don’t watch the idiot lantern, but their propaganda is all over the tabloids. As always it is hyped to such a level that it has started to collapse in on itself to form a black hole from which no intelligence can escape – assuming there was some in there to start with.

One such propaganda exercise is in the favourite paper of the loony-tunes masquerading as public health, our very own comic of carnage, the hack-rag from Hell, the Daily Mail. They are clutching their handbags to their chests in horror at the thought of five cases of teenagers being treated for booze-mushed liver in the last three years.

Five. In three years. Yes, that is enough for ‘experts to say’ that there is a teenage booze epidemic and that all the cheeeldren are going to die. There are still drones in the comments who want massive alcohol restrictions on the basis of this but more and more are noticing the ‘five in three years’ part of the story.

Some people are unable to handle alcohol because they are genetically incapable of detoxifying it. Very few people have the extreme version of this which would mean that even moderate alcohol intake would start liver damage. Unless everyone in the country is tested at birth, the only way to find out if it’s you is to drink alcohol and see if it makes you ill.

Five cases in three years is actually fewer than I would expect for this, but then most will have realised the booze hurts them and stopped drinking it. In which case, five teenagers in three years pushing it to the limit is about right. They probably didn’t even realise it was damaging them until they turned yellow, and why would they? It wasn’t damaging their mates to anywhere near the same extent, if at all.

Of course, some people don’t drink booze simply because they don’t like it. I have no problem with that. I don’t eat marzipan or tofu for the same reason. Both are the vile produce of Satan’s Kitchen of Faecal Creations in my eyes, but I have no interest in stopping anyone else eating them. Eat all the marzipan and tofu you like and if we both have a piece of Christmas cake, you can have the marzipan off mine too.

If you don’t like booze, we have the basis of a mutually beneficial trade here.

But I (unsurprisingly) digress. The point is not the article, that is the usual overhyped nonsense any normal person expects from a newspaper whose reporting is so rough you wouldn’t dare use it as toilet paper. The point is in the comments.

Fewer and fewer are falling for it than used to. The Puritan Righteous have added too much mass to their idiocy and it is now collapsing beyond the credulity horizon.

There will always be drones who lap it all up as long as you use the magic words ‘Experts have Said’ or ‘Studies have Shown’ but the stupidity they spread to others is wearing off now. There will always be enough of them to spread mad ideas and cruel jokes.

Easter is coming. According to the supermarkets it’s already here, the shelves are stocked with chocolate eggs and hollow bunnies. Local Shop had a few boxes marked ‘Creme Egg Parasite Unit’ delivered. I was disappointed to find that they are the plastic trays that attach to shelves, and not devices for inserting parasites into chocolate eggs. No matter, it only took an hour to work out how it could be done.

Last year I had a lot of fun telling people that I never eat unbroken chocolate eggs in case there’s a spider inside. This year I will tell them how parasite eggs could have been inserted into chocolate so even the broken eggs aren’t safe. Hey, I am only doing my bit to combat obesity here. Sure, I might be tasked with disposing of a lot of chocolate but everyone has to make sacrifices.

Yes, there will always be gullible drones to play with. They’ll just be a little harder to find for a few years.

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51 thoughts on “Past the credulity horizon.

  1. Well I think that…
    Mmmarzipan!
    Yes, there’s something strange and alien about people who don’t like marzipan. But they’re good to share Christmas cake with.
    Er, what was I gonna say?

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    • Never did get the hang of that marzipan stuff. My dear departed mother used to make her Christmas cake around June time and then store it in a (more or less) airtight cake tin in the larder for six months. It always hit the table with a half-inch thick layer of marzipan covering it, and then a much thinner layer of icing (she was big on cake decoration, and did amazing things with those tools that would squeeze icing out like a toothpaste tube). I could never understand why she would insist on ruining a delicious cake by covering it with that stuff. No matter, my sister was my garbage bin for those unwanted layers. I always saw it as analogous with the peel on an orange; protective and nice to look at, but inedible.

      To drag myself back on topic, I think that the move by the prohibitionists to apply the TC template to booze will be their undoing. And may even have the effect of blowing the whole anti-tobacco bandwagon out of the water, too. As LI points out, even readers of the DM are starting to realise that stuff preceded by the words “experts have said” is like as not going to be a complete load of tosh. And they may even start to revisit all the other prohibitionist stuff that ‘experts said’ was going to cause them to drop dead next week if they didn’t stop immediately.

      Who knows, Alcohol Concern and their ragtag army of useful idiots may well turn out to be our unwitting allies! Now that would be delicious irony!

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      • XX the peel on an orange; protective and nice to look at, but inedible.XX

        ??!!??!!

        Point one, WHAT do you think is IN that Christmas cake? And point two, Inedible??? I NEVER peel an orange OR a lemon before eating.

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        • Yeah, I used to pick the bits of candied orange peel out, too.

          As for eating an orange without peeling it, you’re just weird, FT! 😉

          Actually, they grow Koum Kouat here, which are like very thin skinned small oranges, about the size and shape of a plum, and those are really nice eaten whole, skin an’ all. I also like marmalade, oddly.

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      • It’s not just booze, they’ve already moved on to fast food and are looking for other places to play the same game. The drones (the real zombie ones) will never notice, even when they type ‘All drinkers/fat people/current-hate-target are a drain on the NHS and should pay for treatment’ in comments. It’s all exactly the same, over and over.

        Fortunately, some of the less droney drones are noticing. When it gets back to just the hard core zombies, the house of cards will come down. Again.

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  2. The more fake the charity the louder they shout, aided by the press-release recyclers. Hey, recycling! That’s a good thing, innit?

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  3. XX Some people are unable to handle alcohol because they are genetically incapable of detoxifying it. XX

    Had the experience when I worked voluntaily with the origional Vietnamese “boat people.” They could drink Saki by the gallon. Give them a can of Tescos best lager, and they were falling over like ten pins.

    XX The Puritan Righteous have added too much mass to their idiocy and it is now collapsing beyond the credulity horizon.XX

    The more they see themselved being “Defied” the more viscious they become.

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  4. I had seen the Easter bunnies in the sweet shop but not the “Creme Egg Parasite Unit”. what a wonderful concept!
    Our daughter had a Japanese school friend – and a can of cider was far too much for her!

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    • Ah, the Hollow Bunnies. A delightfully chilling idea. The Parasite Units aren’t out yet, at least not in Local Shop, but they will be. They are those clear plastic half-tubes that hang on shelves and get knocked off by trolleys pushed by fools. Then ‘someone’ has to fish out all the damn creme eggs from under the shelving units.

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  5. “the magic words ‘Experts have Said’ or ‘Studies have Shown'”

    And don’t forget “the science is settled” and “the debate is over” to make sure no-one questions said ‘experts’ and ‘studies’.

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  6. My sister is doing that bloody CRUK crap. She’s getting sponsors and she thinks it’s for a good cause. I tried to tell her otherwise but apparently it’s just a “difference of opinion”.

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    • Support her by having one additional drink for every one from which she abstains. The Exchequer is counting on you.

      Best put the missus in a women’s refuge while you’re doing this.

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    • A smoker across the street tried to get me to sponsor last year’s daft bike ride thing. They didn’t go anywhere, they took turns on an exercise bike. I also tried to point out that she was raising money for people who hate her, but to no avail.

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  7. Cancer Research’s subversive response to Drinkuary is apparently on television

    And why might they be soliciting money from drinkers especially?

    2011

    “The WHO International Agency of Research on Cancer has stated, based on evidence, that alcohol is carcinogenic in both animals and humans. Several evaluations of this agency as well the joint 2007 report of the World Cancer Research Fund and the American Institute for Cancer Research warned of the link between alcohol and cancers in the mouth, throat, esophagus, liver, colon-rectum and breast cancers.

    “Based on the evidence, “there is no level of alcohol consumption for which cancer risk is null.”
    http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/230871.php

    For their own good, of course!

    How to explain why there is no official safe limit without misleading anyone.

    4. EVALUATION

    “The Committee considered that, despite the long history of human consumption of plants containing glycoalkaloids, the available epidemiological and experimental data from human and laboratory animal studies did not permit the determination of a safe level of intake.

    The Committee recognized that the development of empirical data to support such a level would require considerable effort.”
    http://www.inchem.org/documents/jecfa/jecmono/v30je19.htm (potatoes)

    I love marzipan.

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  8. Amazing how you become attuned to drone behaviour: drove behind one today – road work people had put 40 mph signs along the stretch they intend to work, absolutely no sign of workers or work being done but drone-in-car in front sat exactly on 40mph (on a 60 mph stretch). I imagine them to be the kind of people who would drive into a river if a satnav told them to.

    I wouldn’t dream of hustling for money but if anyone’s got any spare marzipan……

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    • XX drone-in-car in front sat exactly on 40mph (on a 60 mph stretch). I imagine them to be the kind of people who would drive into a river if a satnav told them to. XX

      THAT depends on where you are. It will get you a three to five year driving ban, AND a possible lie down time of up to three years here.

      Driving cars into rivers happens rarely here. What is the Brits problem?

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      • …but I don’t think I’m where you are, FT (are you in Germany?). These were temporary mph signs very evidently put there for safety during roadworks (there was a “work starts here on 6.1.14, delays possible” sign) but, this being the UK, and it raining this morning, start of work appears to have amounted to…putting out the mph signs. It’s a road on which along the single carriageway bits, it’s impossible not to catch up with traffic ahead; in front of drone-car the road looked like one out of a car ad, why? because no other eejit was driving at 40mph , they’d disappeared into the horizon at 60mph! So, nope, just the behaviour of one of the brain-dead 🙂

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    • What you have to watch out for on those roadworks are the revenue-generating portable speed cameras, set to the new lower limit even when the road is clear. Your drone might have been caught out before…

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      • Very true, and this could be a prime location for a sneaky speed camera van to hide. In the summer months there is an increased threat from even more sneaky camera operators on foot, hidden behind the road works signs and general clutter, although the wind, rain and cold should have put paid to this for a while.

        There are plenty of non-drone types who are very paranoid about this sort of thing, especially those on 9 points. These days the insurance company parasites clobber people who have any points, especially those with more than 3, so this paranoia is hardly surprising.

        The result is slow processions of cars whose drivers’ eyes are glued to the speedo rather than the road and who are struggling to stay awake – especially in the 20+ mile sections of motorway road works with average speed cameras. Overtaking and pulling out of junctions becomes much more difficult and dangerous and foreign lorry drivers (who are presumably immune to penalties or whose registrations are not recognised by the cameras) drive faster than the surrounding traffic and bear down close on the tails of cars. So much for safety. The enforcers’ profits must be good though.

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  9. ” 2007 report of the World Cancer Research Fund and the American Institute for Cancer Research warned of the link between alcohol and cancers in the mouth, throat, esophagus, liver, colon-rectum and BREAST cancers.”

    You would have to spill a LOT of drink on your breasts to cause cancer, and I never do, nor do most men.

    I guess that is why that men drink more than most women and very seldom get breast cancer.

    Everyone knows that the ‘association’ between wearing bra’s and breast cancer is much higher than drinking booze and breast cancer.

    I would never- ever wear one of those confinement devices!!

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      • Give me 5 minutes and I’m sure I can find an association.

        No wait! Ten seconds –

        “there is no level of alcohol consumption for which cancer risk is null.”

        ‘Aftershave drink’ kills Russians – 2007

        “The products, which also include herbal tinctures sold in pharmacies, are widely available, cheap and contain up to 97% alcohol, the Lancet study says.

        It was found that they contain very few toxins but are deadly simply because of the extreme alcohol levels.”

        “Lead researcher Professor David Leon said: “We’re talking about things like eau de cologne and aftershave which are widely available at kiosks and cheaper because they are not subject to excise duty.”

        London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine
        http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6752515.stm

        Entry to the body through abrasions of the beard area from shaving.

        Done

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      • It will be. As soon as I meet a bearded antismoker. Smoke clings to beards, you know, and seeps into the structure. Before you know it, your beard will do this –

        Oh, just place the hairy tuft lower down and you have a horror story that will stop human procreation dead in its tracks.

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    • I have wondered about bras. No, not like that – I learned to unhook them through three layers of clothing in my twenties, and could hit a moving target too. I mean technically.

      When I was about 11, I was squinting at the TV (little black and white one, every bugger squinted) and at the board in school. So I had NHS specs like Elvis Costello. Later, I learned about the uneven growth of the body at puberty and wondered if it had just been a case of my eyes not growing at the same rate as the sockets. Maybe they would have evened out – but the glass lenses in front of them meant they adapted to seeing properly with those lenses in place.

      The same might go for ‘training bras’. If boobs are left to develop their own muscular support, they might not slap their older owner’s knees when the bra comes off. Yet girls get strapped into them when they have barely developed bulges. The muscles have no need to do anything so don’t develop.

      Thinking about boobs is what real scientists do.

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      • I won’t link to it, not knowing where it is and besides what kind of fellow would deny you the experience of looking for it, but there was this French study that seemed to indicate that wearing a bra did nothing for future sag, and perhaps even was contraindicated (something about exercising the underlying muscles). As I recall, they only had a sample size of 30 and for all I know it was only 15 women at that but further study is of course necessary.

        Real scientists do think about boobs. Howard Hughes thought about boobs, and the best presentation of them. I’m not sure if that was before or after he built that humongous wooden airplane so maybe we dodged a bullet with that one.

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  10. My name is The Blocked Dwarf and my last drink was roughly, cos it really doesn’t bother me, about 157784630 seconds ago. Joking aside, I am an alcoholic and I spent most of my teenage and adult years trying to get ‘my liver to leave with my lover’ (Marillion I think?). Last week I had to go for an Ultrasound scan to see if I was pregnant-well I assume that’s what it was for- and the technician made a point of complimenting me on the pristine state of my liver and didn’t understand why that elicited a *SNORK* of derision from me.

    Thing is, 5 years ago I was teetering on the edge of chronic liver failure…not too near that edge but a litre and a half of whiskey a day for 6 months close. But that’s the good thing about the liver, it tends to self heal. Even just 6 months after stopping drinking my ‘bloods’ were back to what passes for ‘normal’ values in my caffeine stream.

    All of which is a long winded way of saying that Leggy is right and that the handful of teenage cases are the exception that prove the rule.

    Now someone give me the email of that Japanese school girl who is anyones after a wine gum PLEASE! …why couldn’t my sons date ethno-gentically alcohol-challenged girls and not WETS who could hold their own , albeit with WKD, against a grizzled professional alki such as myself?

    *hums that tune about “Turning Japanese” to himself*

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    • XX Last week I had to go for an Ultrasound scan to see if I was pregnant-……

      *hums that tune about “Turning Japanese” to HIMSELF* XX

      NOW I am confused!

      Or is that the German sense of humour that is confuded???

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      • It is on the tip of my tongue…it started with a ‘P’…uhm…oh…yes it was “PANCREAS”-that was the word! Not PREGNANCY . I get words muddled up sometimes. An MRI of my brain would look something like a Swiss cheese.

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  11. The early commenters on the Mail article seemed to be supportive of the article’s implications. I suspect that it may be due to the misery of getting out of bed at the crack of dawn and running a couple of miles and then returning home at 6.30 am with bugger-all to do for the rest of the day. What could better justify your misery (to yourself) than joining other miserables on the comment pages? It seems to be a regular thing – early comments are inevitably from health nutters. More sensible people get out of bed at a later time – after they have slept off the alcohol.
    Worker bees ought never to rise from bed more than half an hour before they have to turn out for work. A quick wash and brush-up is quite adequate, along with a quick snack. That bit of urgency ensures that a person arrives at work bright and alert and raring to go.
    It takes a year or so for a person who retires to reverse that need. It took me over eighteen months to reverse the process into a nicely slothful way of life. Even now, after two decades, I am still working on the correct level of alcohol/sleep/sloth pattern for healthy living. It may take another ten years of research to bottom it out. I suspect that no definitive conclusion will be reached until a total “Null” result imposes itself.

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  12. In other news – I got my NJOY electrofag today! I was surprised to see these being advertised on the tele and looked em up. Not really into that sort of thing but they had free samples. So I got one. Might come in handy for annoyance value. Anyhoo, got the strongest one cuz there’s no point pissing about is there?

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    • The Njoy one has great prank value because it looks real. When someone tells you not to smoke, the look on their faces when you drop a lit cigarette into your shirt pocket is priceless.

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      • YES!. I noticed the lovely orange glow behind the ‘ash’, but don’t forget hacking potential! I think you mentioned it before, but when this thing runs out I’m gonna be taking it apart to see what makes it tick and see if I can make it tick again.
        It might be a waste of time but learning is never a waste of time, unless it’s in ‘mainstream education’!

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  13. CRUK also has a parallel TV spot running at the same time now about how they saved lots of folk from breast cancer (including men), please send us some money etc.

    For why? To waste on some heart-rending ad campaign to keep all the the “creatives” in Soho in work?

    Like

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