Of knitted mice and childish men.

I had planned to rip into the latest tantrum from the infantile booze control Puritans, but VGIF has done the job so comprehensively I really can’t add anything so I have nothing to say.

Instead, here is a picture of a knitted mouse from Thailand. It’s going back tomorrow. I have extracted all the information I need from the woolly rodent. And I didn’t even need to use the trap.

knittedmouse

I still think it’s a rat.

This isn’t like real model-making. The mouse is a tad over 4″ tall so if I give it a nominal equivalent height of 5’6″ (six-foot mice are the stuff of nightmares and Disneyland) I have a scale of about 1:16.

Taking measurements from a dining room chair gives me a rough size but the seat width will have to be about twice scale size because this is a fat-assed mouse. Other than that, it’s pretty straightforward. Perfection in scale isn’t necessary when dealing with mice in shoes. This is one for the ruler, not the micrometer.

The chair wood thickness will be a little oversized compared to the real chairs I have, but mine aren’t fancy ones with curvy bits and carvings. Basically, I have old MFI-sourced planks I nailed into a rough chair shape while following an instruction sheet that was translated from Mandarin into Icelandic, then into Navajo and finally into English by a blind dyslexic Swedish drunk with a lithp. The mice deserve better. They aren’t getting hand-carved chairs but a bit of shaping and filing will improve them. I’ll have a look at some wood moulding strips, one strip will give me enough for a whole damn dining set!

Whether the seats have pads will depend on whether I can be bothered. Most likely not, I think. I’ll use straight wood seats with buttock-locating curves filed into them, like the ones we used to squirm on in school.

There is no rush for these, I can take the time to source decent bits of wood and there is no need (apparently) for fibre-optic fag installation. Well, I offered.

The list of partial projects is growing. There’s still the Rolls which I think will become Santa’s drunk ride home with Gary Glitter driving. Or maybe Death, to avoid scaring the children. I made some progress on the 1/72nd pair of Man with a Van vans over Christmas, the ones I abandoned on the death of their intended beneficiary. I still intend to contact Barking Spider when they are finally done to see if he wants to give them shelf space. I can’t sell them or Bunni will haunt me with images of ethereal cats.

The 1/1200 sub is waiting for the final version of its captain. Prototypes made of brass wire were too big. I am considering making him out of human hair from a smoker, for that added toxin flavour. I grow too much of it anyway, might as well do something useful with some of it.

The Jaguar XJ220 is unstarted. I’ll leave that alone for now – there are unfinished ships in the waiting room too and that OO gauge coach lit with an LED strip that has the ashtrays, but not the smokers yet.

Then the books…. What I need is for the world to just stop for a few days, maybe weeks, to let me catch up.

Winning the lottery won’t help. I’d just buy all the whisky in town and then nothing at all would ever get done.

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8 thoughts on “Of knitted mice and childish men.

  1. You may not be planning fancy curlicues, but it might be fun to take inspiration from the work of Robert Thompson, the craftsman who incorporated a small carved mouse as a signature into each piece of his wooden furniture – I’m sure you could think of a suitable subject to put your own stamp on the chairs.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_(Mouseman)_Thompson

    Oh, and as for ‘six-foot mice being the stuff of nightmares’, my constant companion in early childhood (and a great nuisance to my parents) was a six-foot tall invisible mouse, which probably goes a long way towards explaining why I enjoy reading your excursions into Gothic territory.

    Like

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