I see Cambridge University has spent three million pounds on booze. I can’t criticise without being hypocritical. If I had three million quid, that’s what I’d spend it on too. Not all of it, obviously. I’d set some aside for tobacco. But mostly booze. Not wine, that’s easy to make. Old malt whisky is not easy to make.
One thing I would not buy would be a pack of twelve rolling papers for fifty damn quid. There is flaunting it, and then there is just being silly about it. Besides, the heat transfer properties of gold do not bode well for lip-blisters here. I could never buy those even if I one day become less than skint. My infection with North Scottish money matters would never allow it. Och! Ye want hoo much? Git awa’ tae buggery wi’ ye. Ah’ll offer ye ten shillings, and no’ a penny mair.
Today I met someone who did not understand that sugar is not a problem for a cleaner because it just dissolves away when you put water on it. Really. This was serious culture shock for me. I was too surprised to make up a devastating lie, such as telling her that sugar will evaporate or spontaneously generate flies. Okay, I know I now work among the sub-120 IQ people but even so, the education system really produces people who don’t know that sugar dissolves in water? How far has it sunk? Do churches now float, and gravy, and little stones? Looking at the state of modern science, I fear that it is indeed so. They all float, Georgie. Oh, they float.
I mentioned putting sugar in tea and she relented slightly but… ‘I thought it had to be boiling water’ and ‘In cold water? No.’ almost made me forget to breathe. She realised in the end just how dim it made her appear and made me promise not to tell anyone. I promised, the political way, and then put it on the internet. I did not promise not to write about it. I will at least be sure not to tell anyone her name is Lisa. That should be good enough.
Work is now embroiled in a childish spat between the Secret Ninja Cleaning Company and Local Shop. Hours are reduced and workload increased and now they have devised an upcoming audit based on checking we have done things they have never asked us to do, and which nobody can possibly pass.
I have seen this before. Management think they are being all smart and strategic while letting the actual workers take all the shit from both sides. What they think they will achieve is always a mystery but what they actually achieve is always the same.
First, they reach a point (they might have now reached it) where their staff say ‘Okay, we can’t win, might as well stop trying’. Work does not gradually decline. It plummets. All previous standards are dropped. Morale does not reduce. It snaps. All gone in a moment. Staff start to look for new jobs and the best staff all go first.
What they are going to be left with when the dust settles is a bunch of two-O-level mop-jockeys who aren’t able to find alternative employment and they will expect those staff to work as if they have spent 30 years lecturing on cleaning and disinfection and food hygeine. Best of luck. I’ll be among the first to leave. Already looking for something new and interesting. I was born in the Year of the Rat according to Chinese lore so am entitled to be first off the sinking ship.
I could be an asset to the Secret Ninja Cleaning Company but I don’t feel like it. I could train their staff, even their simians, to almost lab standard (even cat 2 would be way above any shop standard) but I am not doing that on cleaner pay. I charge a lot more for that kind of knowledge. Or, with what I now know and with the management disasters I have observed, I could set up in competition with the Secret Ninja Cleaners and wipe them out. I am not going to do that because it would earn me a lot of money and I don’t want to pay the tax on it all. So things are getting interesting. Of all the staff, including the management, of the Sectret Ninja Cleaners, I am probably the only one who can fix the mess they have made for themselves. Will I or won’t I? It’s likely to be ‘sit back and watch the pompous morons fold’ at this stage.
Why? Well here’s a hint. It’s something the smoking ban did to me.I realised there was no way to win, no way to appease the fundamentalists. I stopped trying.
So have some pension fund managers. Tipped by Prog in comments, a pension fund manager declares that his job is pension fund management. Not heath. Not bowing down to some mindless bimbo who stamps her little feet if her tantrum is not indulged. The breaking of this round of Puritanism is under way. There will be spite before the end.
This post was full of random, disjointed bits to fit into the new form of politics.