When I first heard this bit of Newspeak, it referred to the amount of food on a plate. Increasingly it is used to refer to the type of food. That’s because, in many cases, the amount has been reduced to zero.
“Let him who has knowledge count the number of the Beast” goes the ancient prophecy. Well, who would have knowledge other than those who have already seen the Beast in action? Those who have already watched the tobacco template applied., over and over again, can easily spot its early stages.
(Tobacco) causes diseases you never thought it could cause. Including a new way to say AGE-related dementia. In conversation you cannot tell the difference, which makes it easy for the drones to accept.
And of course, if you live as directed, you will live forever.
Just replace (tobacco) with lovely fried bacon or something similar and there you go.
A couple of interesting points here. If fried food causes prostate cancer and assuming you don’t roll up slices of bacon and insert them into the eye of your one-eyed trouser snake (I have to say ‘assume’ because you just know there’s always going to be one), then, as with smoking, the only way those carcinogens can reach the prostate is through the blood. Therefore, as with smoking causing remote cancers, the NHS must immediately cease accepting blood donations from anyone who has had a fry-up in the last month. Otherwise, a transfusion recipient who later develops cancer can sue. I really hope someone does. All the evidence is there for them, pronounced by Experts.
The other point is that despite the claim that ‘vegetarians have a lower mortality rate’, the truth is that they all die anyway. Just like everyone else. It might take longer, it might allow the care homes to utterly fleece them of every penny and then batter them around until it’s time to put them on the Stairway to Liverpool and find a way to make it a smoking-related death.
All that aside though, the template is clear. The Beast is back again. All those diseases that were the sole preserve of smoking, then of drinking, are now all caused by the wrong kind of food. The high-energy kinds of food. The ones you need to keep you active and prevent you turning into an easily controlled zombie.
Sure, I know vegetarians who do well on that diet. I do not, and I have tried it. It makes me slow, dazed and appallingly flatulent. My own metabolism does not appreciate slowly-digested things. It wants it all and it wants it now. Low food intake means, to me, rapid weight loss. As in – six pounds weight loss in three days when I had that cold and wasn’t eating much. Oh I was eatling, but picking at food. When you can’t taste it, there is little to appeal.
I’m not fat. If I lost weight at that rate steadily, I would be nothing more than a Cheshire Cat smile in less than a month. If you see a floating smile, pour whisky in, please. I might reform around it.
So no, these new dietary diktats are not for me. I need salt. I do not have high blood pressure. I need fast-burning carbohydrates. As for meat, I like it. I like to eat dead things. It’s better than eating living vegetable matter. In fact I am particularly fond of lamb so I can declare that I like to eat dead babies. I declare this with pride and an evil grin. Mainly because I know it will enrage PETA and as a smoker, that gives me a double-edged sword to fillet them with. Does anyone still think it’s not the same template? Anything to say on that slippery slope fallacy now, Dreadful Arnott?
Do they offer us anything to replace our burgers, steaks and bacon? Why yes, yes they do. I suppose we can take comfort in the knowledge that it isn’t burger-flavoured gum or a shrew duct-taped to your arm, but those things might be preferable to what they really want us to eat.
But then, none of it ever was, was it?