Hey, short people.

Smokers are now officially dim.

So are short people.

Speaking as a smoker of far less than magnificent stature, I must therefore conclude that I am as thick as two short planks. This means that the clientele of Local Shop must be, as I have long suspected, zombies. They are far dimmer than me!

Anyway, we’re all used to the smoker-bashing by now. Also fat-bashing, drink-bashing, burger-bashing and all the rest. Today, we welcome the short people into Denormalisation Club. Don’t worry, folks, you’ll soon get used to it. You’ll also find it’s generally much friendlier on this side of the divide.

Perhaps we should rename it ‘Non-Aryan Club’ since that is pretty clearly where it is headed. Linking the differences to genes offers the Health Nazis a clear means to eradicate all non-standard behaviours and body types. A means they have tried before, more than once, and are likely to be itching to try again. They could call it, oh, a ‘final solution’. Oh wait – they already did, in one of their most recent purification drives. They’ll need a new name for it this time round because re-using the old name is likely to spook the proles.

With the inclusion of the short people, I think everyone but the Aryan ideal has now been denormalised. All religions have been turned against, all non-British-Standard-Human lifestyles and body shapes demonised, the deformed and the disabled turned out to fend for themselves. Really, all that’s left is to reel in the gays and there has already been a ‘gay gene’ identified – or not, depending (as with all things in science now) on who paid for the research. Is the ‘gay gene’ a real thing or not? Does anyone believe it matters at all? When they come for you, as when they came for all the rest, the truth becomes a highly flexible thing.

Anyway, I’m back on a week of early shift, so I’ll just leave a little song to welcome our new denormalised, non-Aryan small people into the fold. A song that was misunderstood by the drones at the time (1978) and they still don’t get it now. Get ready, professionally offended,  this one will twist your knickers until only dogs can hear you whine.

Oh, and as for short people being dim… Isambard Kingdom Brunel. That is all.


18 thoughts on “Hey, short people.

    • I forgot to mention.

      In every photo of the diminutive IKB, the man who designed a lot of bridges and tunnels and ships and the entire Great Western Railway… he almost always has a huge cigar in his mouth.

      And a big top hat on his head.


    • My kind of woman. Two more things & you’d be perfect. Can you cook? There was something else, but I’ve forgotten what it is.

      FWIW, 5’11”, BSC (BullShit Certificate) in engineering, MBA (Master of Bugger All) & I smoke when I feel like it.


  1. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
    33 years a smoker.
    5 feet 1 tall.
    IQ 148.
    Who are you calling stupid, Edinburgh “scientists”? I know the difference between cause and correlation, which they apparently have never grasped.


    • There is little real science left. The conclusions are determined by whoever pays for the ‘research’ and the ‘experiments’ are designed to produce the goods.

      It’s all just mercenary propaganda now. That’s one reason why this scientist is a janitor.


      • It’s reaching a point where they will have to stuff their fists in their collective(ist) mouths to keep from blurting out the truth too soon, before all the infrastructure is in place.

        And now even being below average height is being denormalised. The other day, in whimsical desperation, I went to the NHS website looking for guidance on how to eat more (illness > loss of appetite >severe weight loss). The webpage on being underweight, after it had dispensed advice on seeing your GP if this or that, was actually a find and replace version of the overweight page, and contained helpful instructions on cutting down on high fat and high sugar foods. They just can’t help themselves, it seems. Even the clinically too skinny according to their BMI figures must not eat BAD foods.


        • And to think, they can’t understand why all those obese kids are developing anorexia. An obesity epidemic and an anorexia epidemic at the same time. Now that is some serious doublethink!


    • That you’ve been smoking 54 years suggests that when you got your MA it was required to be able to do more than just spell your name correctly to pass.

      As for me, I’m average height and left school at 16 with two ‘O’ levels. 🙂 Ever the rebel, I’m afraid…

      My youngest daughter, however, having got her Bachelor’s in Arabic is now doing her Master’s in International Law. The intelligence gene must have skipped me!


  2. “They’ll need a new name for it this time round because re-using the old name is likely to spook the proles.”

    How about ‘exclusive inclusion’, or perhaps ‘negative diversity’. Suitably and opaquely Blairite. Ah, the final solution to the ‘Not Exactly As We Want Them To Be Question’. I love the smell of fascism in the morning!

    Oh, Brunel’s cigar is already beginning to disappear, rather like Churchill’s. The wonders of photoshop eh?


  3. They might try “Working With Strategic-Improvement-Partners To Bring Government Closer To The People”.

    Quite recently, and scarily, I saw one of those vans of a firm that sucks from local-authority-teats, doing, er…stuff found “neighbourhoods.”

    And, I kid you not, it said as a strapline under the name:-



  4. Brunel, at 5’4″, was probably only slightly under the average height for his era.

    Newton, at 5’6″ was tall for his era.

    Einstein, at 5’9″, was also above average height for his era.

    Anyway, it is not how much IQ you have; but, how much you do with it.


  5. I was 5’9″ when I last looked, but have a long body – extra vertebra – and short legs. Does this mean that my body is bright but my legs are dim? I suppose it depends which shirt I’m wearing . . .


  6. I was watching something or other about mankind’s trip to the moon, and there was this shot of a meeting room to discuss some technical aspect.

    A meeting room with an ashtray before every seat. A…used… ashtray.

    How in the name of Gaia did we ever get there, given that the people were so evidently dim?

    Tis a mystery. A genuine mystery.


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