Tipped by Alcantara, it seems that eating milk and cheese produces a death rate and cancer rate that is pretty much the same as that attributed to smoking.
So, maybe it wasn’t smoking doing it after all? Hands up who thinks that that is what they concluded. If your hand is up, you’re an idiot.
They also failed to notice the corollary. If cheese is as dangerous as smoking then smoking is no more dangerous than cheese. Take one step more and smoking is as safe as milk. We know a song about that, don’t we? I do, and now you will too.
Coincidentally, the Captain’s first line here is ‘Cigarette died when I washed my face’.
The last line is ‘I may be hungry but I sure ain’t weird’ which is, perhaps, a little more questionable in his case.