Thinking about transport.

Work is stabilising. Soon my weekly shift changes will alternate between a 3 pm start and a 5 pm start. Now that’s what I call civilised hours. Early starts will only happen when someone is on holiday.

The new uniforms appeared. Proper shirts instead of the polo shirts. No ties, which was a little disappointing but then, imagine what it would look like after being dipped in a few horrible things. Trousers do not require razor-sharp creases. Good. My ironing skills are not up to it – I’d have those trousers looking like a major railway intersection in no time.

These new shirts have ‘Hygeine Team’ embroidered on the back. The other two find this embarrassing, but I have decided that I will henceforth refer to myself as ‘Doctor Clean of the Hygeine Team’ and the other guy can be ‘The Mopman Prophet’. I will find a suitable name for the Boss Lady at some point. It has to be something that won’t get me fired on the spot and then beaten to a pulp.

It’s a stable income and an increasing one, since the reduction from four to three Secret Ninja Cleaners means more hours for all. I’m just glad that most of mine will be after that evil noon stuff is all done and out of the way. I prefer to only see the sun when it’s going down.

There might be some income left over to start saving up for a car. Not some big fancy racing thing. I’m not interested in going fast, just in getting there. And mostly in carrying a lot of stuff so I don;t have to clean it out too often. Then again, I don’t want some girlie little shed on wheels that looks as though fifteen clowns might get out of it.

This, I like. Can nowhere near afford it yet (and it’s in America so I can’t have it anyway) but the car project is in its infancy. Tomorrow I might well revert to not wanting one at all, once the whisky wears off and I get to thinking about insurance and road tax and petrol…

.Since that eBay link will eventually vanish, here’s a pic I pinched –

hearsePerhaps it’s because I’ve been eating after midnight again, perhaps it’s the whisky, but the idea of kerb-crawing behind pensioners with a big grin and a big top hat has a certain appeal. I could even run a book on how many I can get to accept a lift.

It has the rollers in the back so you can load crates of booze easily and nobody will be surprised to find me crawling along at walking pace. Insurance must surely be cheap since at least one of the occupants is presumed to be already dead anyway, and you know it’s been serviced and has not been involved in beachfront racing (except perhaps to collect some of the results). They look really good too. Add a few wheel arch flames with pitchfork-weilding devils, a skull on the gear handle, a few more skulls for good measure and you could hire it out for weddings, children’s parties, etc. Perhaps that’s not my best ever business idea, on reflection.

Anyway, the whole car thing is far in the future. When (if) it happens, it is very likely indeed to be something unconventional.

It is definitely NOT going to be a Prius. That’s like one of those disabled buggies with a shell on.


40 thoughts on “Thinking about transport.

  1. Funny you should mention a Prius Leggy as yesterday someone tried to race me in one, I was in a BMW M3. We got some real crazies down here in the south of England fella. 🙂


    • Heh! My eldest daughter (32) is, unusually, a car nut, and currently drives a Subaru impreza with all the silly letters after the name, in race trim with uprated turbos and remapped electronics. Puts out over 400 bhp on the dynamometer. Damn thing goes like shit off a stick. Positively scary to drive.She plays with Porches and Ferraris when she’s on the road. Don’t think a Prius would get too close.


      • Apples and oranges, Wobbler…
        Oh, did you know that a leccy/hybrid with the same KW (BHP ain’t used no more) as a petrol motor, will always out accelerate the petrol motor from a standing start?

        I hope your dearest daughter (I think highly of her already) has declared the mods to her insurance company?

        Otherwise she ain’t got no insurance.

        Weren’t the Asian guys on the A406 driving an unregistered mod?


  2. “I will find a suitable name for the Boss Lady at some point. ”

    Hmmm… Little Miss Mop-it?

    Little Miss Moppit
    Said, Please Don’t Stopit
    It feels so good,
    like it’s made of …

    hmm… ok…. maybe I better stop while I’m ahead….



  3. What is the deal with all those disabled buggies they have around these days? Nothing like it around when I grew up. In fact I find them rather an eyesore, not to mention sinister, although I’ve yet to see a clown riding one.

    Perhaps some sort of taxation on them might be in order, instead of robbing us smokers and drinkers?


  4. Heh. I’ve just started driving around an Auris, the younger, slightly handsomer brother of the Prius ( I know that’s not saying much). Why? Nothing to do with the environment or the climate. No, it’s simply the tax.

    My old car was an ancient Mondeo that needed £140 a month to get me to work if I was careful about hypermiling it. I’ve been tooling around in the Auris all week and it’s used about an 1/8 of a tank so far. My best estimate is that fuel will be around £40 a month now. Duty and VAT in the UK is around 60%. Far from plugging it in, I think I’ll probably need to be reminded which side the petrol cap is – the official range is 450 miles to a tank but I’m covering 30 a day and the range is going down by 2/3 of that. Perhaps it’s warping space.

    Then there’s the annual car tax. At the moment, there isn’t any. That will not change for at least a year and if I learned that hybrids were subject to a ‘directive’ from Gideon’s masters in Brussels I wouldn’t be surprised. That’s another £245 pa. Insurance is a few bob cheaper, largely because although they are pricier, they are deeply uncool. Not stolen a lot I’m told.

    I’ve had the Mondeo 3 years and it was typically costing around £600 per year in new bits as old bits fell off. MOT time was always expensive. I’ve no idea what maintenance will be but a new battery will be needed before the decade is out and they currently run at £850.

    It’s certainly the oddest thing I’ve ever driven and you certainly wouldn’t want to race it. The battery is fantastically heavy. It flattens traffic calming bumps as it goes over them. On the other hand it will do 60 mph on a slight downhill slope without using petrol at all and as it rolls out onto the road 1st thing it’s completely silent. I’m hoping I may yet do for a number of local cats.

    I’m still working out what all the buttons are for.


  5. I’ve said it before , no doubt, but get yourself an old diesel -you could paint a sign on the boot “THIS is what is giving your Kids lung cancer”! Then go round to the various local garages and do a ‘deal’ for all the old oil they pump out of sumps and that they have to handle like it was radioactive and , more importantly, PAY horrendous sums to have taken away. Also have a word with every ‘mate what does cars’.

    Build yourself a centrifuge and make ‘Black Diesel’ by centrifugerating all the crap out of the old oil….and Robeta is your Transgender Uncle.

    If I had the space or a barn then that is what I would be doing, not burning ‘shine but a-makin’ black diesel y’all….can you hear the banjos?


  6. I’m tempted to buy a second-hand Prius when they are worthless because the batteries need replacement then put a decent engine in it.


    • Dreadful sounding bit of newspeak, isn’t it? Always loathed that word, “hygiene”. Reminds me of this squeaky clean young female from my school days who would say it in a really squeaky cleaning voice.

      Almost as irritating as chalk on blackboard. Clean-freakery.


        • I know that, but I do enjoy a good tangent, don’t you? In fact an old acquaintance once described me as a practitioner of “tangent shamanism”, whatever on earth that is? I’m afraid I got sidetracked at that point so I never did get to the bottom of it.

          But it is a horrible word though, isn’t it? I actually find the misspelling of it very slightly less objectionable…


    • The memory-jogger as I learnt it was ‘”I” before “e” except after “c” and not counting enough exceptions to this rule so as to make you look illiterate since you will no doubt not be able to remember every one”.


    • OMG! That just ticks sooo many boxes! Suddenly I can see why grown men might play with matchbox cars! Those are amazing photos. I could imagine Leggy doing his childhood welsh mining town of Trwyn-Gwaedu O Iwch Glo….with added woodbines.


  7. An acquaintance once used as his daily-driver car a hearse, painted black (as it should have been) with an old West boothill (graveyard) mural decorating the vehicle. The name, stenciled in gold leaf on the hood (bonnet) and across the back was “The Last Ride”.


  8. I had the good fortune to borrow a quite new Range Rover from the kind mum of a longtime student, to ship our boy up to and back from that Famous Old University a few miles from you. That car was the Master Of All That I Told It To Do.

    Don’t know what your budget is, but one of those is nice. If you’re into mad stuff though, there’s a dude here in Southport who owns three (yes, 3) Bright Yellow Vauxhall Calibras. All L- and M-reg I’m afraid, however. If I won the lottery I’d offer him for the lot, for the idea of them is so off-the-planet. But he might sell you one though (they all go, I see them regularly trundling about round here.)

    There’s also a fella with a kind of chintz-boudoir-decorated and embroidered (in lovely filligree metal stuff all over) hearse looking like a well-adorned cross between a RR silver-ghost and a small 1940s van. He even drives about with a coffin in the back, seen through the glass sides. It’s a DAF of some sort (it says so on the front.)


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