A literal tax take.

The UK government plan to do what Cyprus did and simply raid everyone’s bank account to pay its bills. Under the guise of ‘chasing tax cheats’, the taxman will be able to take as much as he wants from your bank account, any time he likes. No court order or justification required because the taxman never, ever gets it wrong.

If there is an error and your bank account is emptied by mistake, you can hire an expensive lawyer to start the lengthy process of getting it back. Oh wait, no you can’t. Your bank account is empty. Your mortgage is in default, your are being chased by energy companies for unpaid bills and the council want their pocket money too.

The killer in this scenario is – you didn’t actually owe any tax. Think that will stop them?

Don’t worry about the council going short. As soon as they get this in place for the tax office, the councils will be able to do it too. The first you will know of being fined for smoking in your own home (whether you smoke or not) will be when the money vanishes. Left your bin an inch too far from the kerb? Well, you must have because there is a debit on your account marked ‘bin fine’.

Dammit, this IS Panoptica! I had envisaged all money on implanted chips. Nobody ever knows how much they have, how much they are taxed, how much they are being fined… when the chip stops working that’s it till payday. In Panoptica that’s just a threat. The chip never stops working because there really isn’t any actual money at all. The whole place is bust and run on illusion. Step out of line and your chip is remotely disabled. Show proper contrition and it works again because the officials give you ‘a loan’. You are now in debt – but there never was any money. Nobody loaned you any, you don’t have any, but that debt will be recalled if you don’t toe the line.

The one remaining step in the real life version is to take away your knowledge of what is in your bank account. That’s it. The ‘money isn’t real’ part happened a long time ago. Contactless cards exist, implanting the chip is the next and very easy part.

This is the justification for random (it’s HMRC, everything is random) raids on bank accounts –

Britain is being robbed of around £35billion a year by cheats who fail to pay their taxes and others who find ways of avoiding them, according to HMRC.

No it isn’t. This is like a mugger complaining that he is being robbed every night because some people refuse to hand over their wallets.

The government does not need that money. They use it to pay lobby groups to tell them to do what they wanted to do anyway. They give it away to the EU, loaded into the now-useless fleet of coal trucks hitched to daily trains to Brussels. They give it to countries who don’t need it, don’t want it or who will use it to buy a new gold-plated Bentley for some minor official who will then use it to run down poor people. It benefits nobody except Cameron who can puff out his pigeon-chest and preen his feathers while he meets despots covered in expensive jewellery – and he never connects their roaring wealth with the money he gives to their poor, deprived country. Because he is an idiot. “And the animals looked from Cameron to Blair, and Blair to Cameron, but already it was impossible to tell the difference”.

All the  money they get in tax is wasted and the tax system is one of the biggest wastes of all. It is insanely complex and there is no need for any of it. A simple flat tax would do the job far better. It would be harder to find loopholes and if the system was cheaper, it would not need to steal so much tax in the first place.

If you reduce the tax rate, it becomes pointless for the rich guys to pay armies of accountants to dodge it. As it is, they can save much more tax than the cost of the accountants. If the accountants cost more than the tax the rich folk would just pay the tax. If the system was simpler and easier to understand we would not need to trouble accountants at all.

Take your total income. Subtract ten thousand, your tax-free allowance. Subtract legitimate business expenses. Divide the remaining amount by five to get your 20% tax amount. Send that amount to the tax man.

You could even train a politician to do it, given an infinite number of politicians and an infinite number of calculators. The rich would not bother trying to dodge that simple tax, whether by avoidance or evasion. It just wouldn’t be worth the effort.

The only way it would ever really work is if Cameron had the man-parts to really and truly cut the waste from the system. He never will because he’s a waster too. All those quangos and fake charities and lobby groups he pays are a big part of the reason so many people don’t want to pay tax. Bonfire of the quangos? Vote me in and I’ll give you a bonfire of the quangos all right. You will be able to see and smell it for miles. Vlad the Impaler was just too bloody soft.

If tax was paying for the military, the police, the fire service, the hospitals, fixing and building roads and bridges… fine. But it’s not. All those actually useful things are being cut. Instead we get ‘change4life’ and ‘five-a-day’ and ‘units per week’ and ‘ooo, no, you can’t burn half a gram of leaves next to that idling double-decker bus, it’s bad for the child who lives five streets away’ and the bastards think this is democratic governance and money well spent! They really do! That Miller wench was on the radio today, having finally got her coat, saying the scandal was ‘a distraction from the achievements of this government’.

What? Every government in living memory and beyond has delighted in any form of distraction from what they are ‘achieving’. She was not a distraction. Distractions focus attention elsewhere. She was focusing attention on the government and what a bunch of money-grabbing, self-serving gits they really are. We are not supposed to pay attention to the man behind the curtain.

Cameron said he was sorry to see her go and hoped she could come back when all the fuss had died down. Yes, he really said that, the Tefal-headed twat. Such is his contempt, he sees no need to hide his intention to bring back one of his favourite arrogant harridans when he thinks the drones have forgotten about her. Out of touch? More like on another planet.

I wish he was. I wish they all were. Venus is nice in the summertime, and I’m sure we’d all be happy to pay the tax for that expenses-paid trip. We’d even add in enough for a camera to film the whole thing and – hell, why not – we’ll even give them parachutes. It’ll make the camera last longer than the Venera probes did.

Oh, but the taxman will have rules while raiding your bank vault. Rules that make it all okay.

Under the proposals, which will be subject to a consultation, HMRC will be able to take all the money that a person owes in tax out of their bank account, subject to two key rules.

It cannot take the full amount unless the person would have at least £5,000 left across all bank accounts after the tax debt has been paid and the money can only be taken if HMRC has contacted the person at least three times about the unpaid tax bill.

They will stick to those rules rigidly. Haaahahaha!

Read that second part again:

It cannot take the full amount unless the person would have at least £5,000 left across all bank accounts …

Clever, eh? If it means you would be left with less than £5000, they cannot take the full amount. They can take a lesser amount, less than what they consider to be the full amount, and if that leaves you with £1 it’s still ‘within the rules’.

I already have less than £5000 total cash anywhere. Lately I only rarely go above £1000. Soon I will fill in a tax form and expect a refund.  Oh, I have loads of stuff but not much in cash. It’s safer that way. Stuff can be sold or, if the drones ever realise money is worthless, traded. Cash though, not very much. I doubt I will bother amassing much more from now until the day I die. Money is no use, it’s less real than Satan anyway.

I also earn very little and have to stay self-employed, even if I never see another microbiology job, because of the books. They make about £100 a year but as long as they are on sale I am self-employed and will have to fill out a tax form every year. Unless Hollywood takes on one of the books or I write a real corker, this will mean a tax refund every year. I like that. Tax, to me, is like storing pennies in a jar and taking them all out once a year.

So really, this new Bankrobbing Law means little to nothing to me. But then it is not designed for me.

Look again –

It cannot take the full amount unless the person would have at least £5,000 left across all bank accounts after the tax debt has been paid and the money can only be taken if HMRC has contacted the person at least three times about the unpaid tax bill.

They assume that they have the right to take the tax and if they send you three letters, they can then rip it out of your account. Even if you rebut the letters. Even if you declare their demands invalid. They don’t need to debate about it any more. They send three letters, you respond with three ‘no’ letters, they raid your savings.

No, this is not aimed at me. This is aimed at Captain Ranty and the Freemen on the Land.

A movement that has been growing, that has been right all along and that is really starting to worry the tax thieves.

The taxman is not going after Stirbacks or Goggle or any of the others it has always given a free pass. This law is to clear up the problem of the Free. No more debate, no more discussion, no more admissions of fraudulent demand for money not really owed.

No, they send three letters and whether you respond or not, they rip it out of your hoard.

If you are following the Freeman ways, turn your money into gold bars and build it into the floor of your kitchen. Any fake cash you have in banks will soon be raided.

Oh, and if you sneer at Freemen and the wealthy, keep in mind that the tax office has a legend on the wall. ‘Our name is Legion of Idiots, because our errors are many.’

Once this gets under way, you will see random sinkholes under bank accounts all over the place. Could be yours. Could be mine.

Mine won’t sink very far.


52 thoughts on “A literal tax take.

    • I liken them to the morning after a double-strength Vindaloo with peri-peri rice, and a vindictively hot chilli dip for the bhajis. That level of pain in the ass. The ice bucket for the toilet paper and the fan in the toilet bowl level.


  1. Dear Leg,

    Thank you for your gracious contribution to the health and general welfare of our citizens. It will be used productively to change the color of your cigarette packs from puke green to shi.. … er.. excrement brown.

    Enjoy! And thanks again!

    Mr. T Man
    P.S. Please remind us: Which day of the week is our … er.. your … money deposited from that job again?


  2. Just to keep us further in the dark, some banks are reducing the frequency of statements from once a month to once a quarter.

    I read on somebody’s blog that this system applies in Spain, so it is probably a piece of EU “harmonisation”.
    When I was in business the tax inspector for PAYE insisted that we owed around £500 for “benefit in kind”. We didn’t but our accountant advised us to pay up
    as his fee to contest the matter would be more than that and we
    would not get the cost back, even if we won. It was simply a case
    of demanding money with menaces.


    • XX I read on somebody’s blog that this system applies in Spain, so it is probably a piece of EU “harmonisation”.XX

      No….. We do not get statements at all. You want to know what is in your account, you stuff your card in the machine and ask.

      It is called “SELF RESPONSIBILITY.” Why should the banks offer you a service that you can well do for yourself?

      As much as I hate the E.U, I hate injustice more, and to blame things like this on the E.U IS injustice!


      • Dear Furor,

        Sorry, I did not express myself clearly.
        I was referring to the ability of the Revenue to steal money directly out of bank accounts was part of the system. At any rate, that is what was asserted.


    • My bank has always been three-monthly with statements. I scan them to check for sneaky charges resulting from tiny dips into overdraft. Otherwise I do what Furor does and check the balance in the machine. If there is enough for whisky, I buy whisky. I don’t care about much else any more.

      There is one point Furor missed though – those machines don’t tell you about sneaky charges for the time you were overdrawn for ten minutes on the day your pay went in. For that, you do need the statement.

      They won’t necessarily tell you about the bin fines and the ‘smoking in an area upwind of a potential child on the second Tuesday in March in contravention of the Tuesday in March laws’ fines either.

      Once they can take money without troubling the legal system at all then they will make up whatever laws they want and fine you for them whether you break them or not.

      So you do need those paper statements. Once a quarter will do, but you do need them.


      • XX those machines don’t tell you about sneaky charges for the time you were overdrawn for ten minutes on the day your pay went in.XX

        They do here. The machine print out is a full statement, just like you used to get in the post. You are also unlimited on the amount of times you can check, IF something has changed between the requests. If not, it tells you to bugger off and try again later.


        • We just get a little slip like a till receipt. Very recent transactions have some unintelligible guff next to them because the computer hasn’t worked out what they were yet.


  3. Yes that is clever wording. They don’t say that the victim will always be left with at least £5,000, although that would appear to be what they want you to conclude.


    • The weasel words will get the drones to support this measure. Those who have less than £5000 to their names (a lot more people than you’d think) will imagine it can never be applied to them.

      They are in for a surpirse. Again.


  4. I’m thinking about going one better than the ‘Freeman’ route and funnily enough, a friend contacted me after eight years and has been considering the same thing: total independence.

    Consider some of the other micronations. Most are a joke and some are online ‘countries’, but there are real ones, like Sealand, a WWII platform in the Thames Estuary, which was outside UK territorial waters at the time independence was declared. http://www.sealandgov.org/

    And Forvik: owned by and settled by one man. In fact, the Shetlands probably still belong to Denmark or Norway (same country at the time the islands were mortgaged as a royal dowry centuries ago). At worst, they could be crown dependencies like the Channel Is. http://www.forvik.com/

    In fact, the Shetlands, Orkneys and Western Isles (Outer Hebrides to you and I) want their own independence referenda a week after Scotland’s to decide whether to become independent themselves, part of Scotland or remain part of the UK.

    The Hutt River Province in Western Australia (pop. 23) and on the mainland seems to have a large degree of sovereignty.

    It depends on September’s indy-pretence referendum if/when/how it goes ahead.

    Anyone else genuinely interested, please contact me: scowan (at) flagsoftheworld.co.uk or stewartcowan (at) hotmail.co.uk


    • Sealand I have heard of, and the idea of living in a croft on an island and sending in an annual tax form with ‘zero’ on it sounds wonderful. As long as you have space and enough fertile ground to grow and raise all the food you need (including baccy) then earning well under the tax allowance limit would mean there’s nothing to take from you, independent or not. As for slaughtering animals, just say you’re doing it the Halal or Kosher way and they won’t dare touch you. I’d rather populate the island with wild game and catch it fair and square though. It’s also surrounded by sea, with fish.

      There is an island between Cardiff and Bristol that would be ideal. Row over to Bristol for the beer festivals and Cardiff for a pint of Brain’s and what else does anyone need?


  5. “If tax was paying for the military, the police, the fire service, the hospitals, fixing and building roads and bridges… fine.”

    Not anymore. The military have become mercenaries for the globalists and transnational corporations. The police are the government’s private army. The fire brigade: fair enough; I’ll give you that one. The NHS – I have opted out until I absolutely need it, but still have to pay for it. It’s become a despicable monster and more political than medical. Roads are paid for by the road tax, which is fair enough also.

    “Money is no use, it’s less real than Satan anyway.”

    Money isn’t real. Gaddafi was bumped off partly (mainly?) for intending to introduce his gold dinar for use in Africa and the Middle East to replace the US$.

    But who do you think whispers in MPs’ ears to fiddle their expenses? Who do you think whispers in all our ears to do what we know we ought not to and not do what we know we ought to?

    This is a spiritual war we’re in.


    • I have been wondering… especially with all the teen suicides. They have always happened, sure, but they are more frequent now. Also teens on killing sprees.

      There is a lot more. I may not believe in a God but I am sure there are malign forces out there. Things that make my sometimes-a-bit-cruel games seem positively angelic!


      • One of my Creation videos from Australia shows the proportionate relationship of rising suicides and lowering church attendance (i.e. faith, I suppose). The graph looks realistic, because church attendance and suicide rates both remained stable from the 30s to 50s (before rock music!) then suicide skyrocketed (relative to before) while church attendance nosedived (before rock music came along!).

        One of the speakers (I have lots of these DVDs) mentions a mass-murderer who, when finally captured, showed no remorse, stating that he had been taught that we are nothing more than evolved pond slime, so there can be no moral boundaries, so killing other people is fine.

        But it’s funny how hard Dawkins and his minions have been working to prove they are ‘moral’, e.g. by setting up atheist charities, but if they believe in the Theory of Evolution, they should let those unable to survive be killed off. But God gave them a conscience.


        • Murderers gonna murder. They look for an excuse only when caught.

          That mass murderer woulkd have killed all those people even if he had been religious. Tomas de Torquemada was pretty religious, remember. As are all those Alky Ada mass murderers. Although in their cases, their ‘following’ of that religion could be said to have been just an excuse to go out and kill people.

          Likewise, the example you give takes the new Church of Nothing as his religious excuse.

          Mass murderers are sickos, they will look for any way out when caught and are almost as untrustworthy as lawyers, politicians and the Dreadful Arnott’s drone army.


      • In the past it was probably more frequent for teens to use tobacco as a mood stabilizer and mild anti-depressant. Because of the highly skilled marketing techniques of the Antismokers many of those teens today probably don’t smoke and their conditions worsen.

        A Canadian, Gary Desrosiers, did an informal study about ten years ago on smoking bans in various cities plotted against homicide rates. I’m not sure if I ever managed to get hold of the whole thing, but from what I saw it looked like he’d done a good job with it. It showed (big surprise) that cities with bans had their homicide rates take a fairly steep jump in the years immediately after bans compared to comparable cities without the bans. I’d attribute that to more drinking and discord at home primarily, rather than to psychological benefits of smoking, but both could be at work!

        – MJM


        • Ex-smokers kill people (understandable) unless they are given the alternative Electrofag and accept it. Sounds good.

          I can work with that – a drug that does nothing to you until you are forced to stop taking it would make an interesting story.

          Unfortunate that it seems to be real, but then allegory can be a powerful thing.


        • A drug that does nothing until you stop taking it… Here is the tinfoil hat story.

          The government puts something in the water. A drug that does nothing. Withdrawal from the drug turns you violently insane.

          When they need a distraction, they withdraw the drug from some teenager’s water (or junk food) supply and let him loose.

          Oh, now here we have a story. A good one.


  6. It is interesting to note that in the USA at least, a bitcoin is classed as a good and not a currency. I wonder if such an account might be a haven from robbers?


    • So far it’s classed that way, but classifications can change as soon as enough people have them and can be targeted.

      Company cars didn’t used to count, but then lots of people gained company cars, and now having one is a tax liability. Likewise parking spaces…

      Anything that becomes worth taxing is taxed.


  7. Just received in my inbox about our boys in blue. From your neck of the woods, Leggy. Grampian Police went down to Cheshire to arrest this man, to whom they didn’t name the charge and then claimed he was in violation of an order which doesn’t appear to exist and have refused him bail three times.

    All because he was standing up for justice in the Hollie Greig case. Stay in your homes. Don’t get involved. Don’t smoke. Just shut up, keep your head down, tug the forelock to any ‘authority’ and pay your taxes so they can enslave you.


  8. It is all one big game. Some of us decided to test the rules so they are changing them.

    I have heard nothing from HMRC since I reminded them that they lost their fight with me in August last year. But, let them come. I am no longer terrified of the taxman.

    One mistake they made was to announce this ridiculous, unlawful money-grab a year in advance. This gives me, and everyone else, plenty of time to salt the money away somewhere else.

    My guess is that they will waste even more of our money chasing small amounts rather than concentrating their fire on Starbucks, Amazon, Google, and now, Caffe Nero. The whole idea stinks.

    No matter. They know where I live, and I have told them that I would love to meet them in court. They declined my offer.

    Let’s see what transpires.



    • They will never go after the big corporations because they know they already get massive amountes out of them. Okay, they might dodge corporation tax, but there is all the VAT and all the income tax on several thousand employees to consider. The corporation tax is trivial compared to all the other taxes those companies generate.

      Be careful where you salt it away. If it’s in a system accessible from the EU in any way at all, they will go for it.


  9. Well, we can see what’ll happen here. Bank accounts will become passe, and hoarding of huge amounts of banknotes will become commonplace, as will holding gold. Further to that, people will start to hold their savings in another country, preferably a non-EU one, just to be on the safe side.

    Nice one Osbourne, you just crippled UK banking!


    • I wouldn’t hoard banknotes or coins. They can be made worthless in an instant. Small, valuable, sellable/tradable things are the way to store money. For me, anyway.

      Not coloured diamonds. I had one of thosw phone calls today trying to sell me coloured diamonds. They would not give up. I had to wonder what part of ‘I have no money’ they were struggling to understand.

      Anyone phoning you up offering a great bargain… doesn’t have one. If I had a great bargain I wouldn’t tell anyone about it and certainly not a total stranger.


    • That is brilliant. If that were implemented I would not have dropped out and gone to minimal-earnings, I would have been a professor by now. And written a lot more books a lot faster.

      The present system discourages me from trying too hard. Yours would push absolutely everyone to try harder.


  10. Stewart;
    Your Road Tax stopped being dedicated to the roads in 1936 (Harold MacMillan) and became part of general taxation.
    The only way out of this is to keep it under the mattress or in some sort of Billy Bunter account which you top up with cash. I agree this will not be used to go after anyone who can afford a decent brief.


  11. It’s desperation, pure and simple. The politicians and bureaucrats have blown the national wad and the public purse has been transformed into a capital gobbling black hole. So HMRC and Councils will steal anything taxpayers can’t nail down.

    As a side thought, I wonder when the first armed guards will become commonplace in UK tax and council offices?


    • Only a few years back, I would have laughed at the idea of armed police with machine guns in every UK airport. The guards are always armed, the inmates aren’t allowed any.

      As the Far East found, centuries ago, the inmates will improvise.


  12. Ah, it’s working again. Brilliant. Not that I’ve got anything to add to this particular post.

    It’s a question of degree though, where’s the difference between making your employer dock it from your wages or them taking it from the bank?


    • The difference is that they can’t dock the wages of the self employed. Window cleaners and guttering-emptiers and so on, who make soooo much money…

      All those Big Issue sellers had better watch out. As soon as they earn enough to open a bank account… foosh. It’s gone.


  13. I’ve started to rebel in a minor way – I’ve opted out of the NHS Big Data Scheme – signed the form and handed it in to my surgery. I have so little trust nowadays that I expect it to be ignored and don’t expect to be able to prove my suspicions that it has.

    I’ve reached the point of consoling myself that I don’t live in North Korea.


  14. From what I read here, you lot are about to be in the same shape as are Americans. If the Infernal Revenue Source decides that you owe Unca’ Sugar, the IRS takes ‘their’ money and you can go whistle for it. Except our bunch doesn’t worry their pretty little heads about if you have five grand left; they suck it dry.


  15. True story…

    About 15 years ago, the wife and I were in a big wrangle with HMRC. They reckoned we owed them large thousands of pounds when we knew we didn’t owe them a brass farthing. Letters flew back and forth for 18 months or so. We had sent them photocopies of our evidence proving our side of the case but they wern’t having any of it. The case was coming to a climax when the wife parked the car for a few moments round the corner from a shop in one of Bristol’s less salubrious districts and popped in for a pint of milk and a packet of fags. When she came out the side window was smashed and the only thing in the car of any value (and then only to us) was the briefcase containing all our paperwork on the tax case. We were fuckety fuck fucked!

    We rang the Tax bludgers and expained what had happened and the sigh of relief from the other end of the phone was audible. They then claimed that they had “Mislaid” all our evidence photocopies too, and they would be expecting a large cheque in the near future.

    Pissed off is putting it mildly, we truly were screwed, but then something utterly magical happened…

    Two weeks later a big parcel turned up in the post. It contained all our paperwork. The thief had obviously read some of it and realised what a hole we were in, and sent it back to us.

    It comes to something when you can trust working villians better than you can trust your own Govt!


  16. O.K. Tax. I have just realised that I am “on the border” between one tax bracket and another.

    If the boss offers me a double shift, he can go and fuck himself with a NATO wire wrapped walruss prick.


    I need to work FIVE double shifts in a month before I break even. Only on the sixth do I start making money!


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