What a sad and stupid people…

…the human race has become.

Over in America, a teenager is accused of peeing in a reservoir.  A pint, maybe, of sterile urine (if you don’t have an infection, urine is sterile) into 38 million gallons of reservoir water which is most definitely not sterile. Are there no fish in the reservoir? No insects? No birds wading, swimming, flying over? No animals along the banks?

Reservoir water is full of shit and bacteria. That’s why water companies have to go to such great lengths to clean it up before pumping it into homes. One pint of sterile urine actually made those 38,000,000 gallons 0.0000003% less contaminated for a brief moment, until the bacteria moved in on that little bit of urea. The ‘contamination’ would be undetectable within seconds because the bacteria will have eaten it.

So the teen is arrested and charged and the water company plans to dump all of those 38 million gallons because it is now ‘contaminated’. What was it before? Pure, pristine, distilled and sterile? Evidently that is what they believed it was.

There are people out there who drink their own urine. It has no appeal for me (unless I ever discover it’s still 40-proof when it comes out) but those who do it have never been reported to suffer any ill effects. Even if they have a bladder infection, what harm can it do? They already have that infection anyway.

Nobody with any sense drinks water straight from a reservoir without treating it with something. Boiling, or water purifying tablets, or whatever. That large body of standing water is one big pit of watery poo. Every species in the vicinity will have taken a dump in it and some of those species carry bacteria that do them no harm – but which will make us shit through every available orifice if they get into us.

A pint of pee is of no consequence whatsoever. The local authorities even tested the water and found no pee. Not surprising – as I said, bacteria will soon dispose of the urea and not just that of human origin, but from bats, rats, birds, otters, fish…. oh, just think of an animal. They all use the reservoir as a toilet.

What is surprising is that they tested. Why? What the Hell did they hope to find? How big do they imagine this guy’s bladder is? What do they think he’s been drinking? There was nothing to test for. Their normal routine tests would never pick it up, in fact I don’t believe any test ever would.

It’s not the first time this kind of stupidity has floated up. It’s like the turd that’s scared of the dark so won’t leave the bowl.

In 2011, the city dumped 7.8 million gallons of water from the reservoir after another man urinated in it.

What do they do when there’s a dead bird floating around, I wonder? Empty it all and get in there with bleach and brooms? That doesn’t sound unlikely, and it would be a lot worse for water quality than the pint of pee. In reality, they are not worried about dead rats or foxes or cows or corpses, only about teenager pee.

This is the mindset that produces the terror of second hand smoke – even second hand steam – while declaring a street full of diesel fumes to be ‘fresh air’. This is the mindset that is terrified of putting too much salt on their highly processed GM foods. ‘Made from reclaimed meat’ is food-speak for ‘Don’t eat this, it’s bone scrapings, gristle, ears and testicle bags all mashed up and formed into the rough shape of something edible, then covered in batter so you can’t see it.’

I know people who live on those things but won’t eat liver. Liver is a great meat. And very cheap because idiots think it’s horrible while they tuck into testicle-bags and snouts in batter. I like to eat liver. Have to, considering my drinking habits. I need the parts to make more of my own liver every day.

Thirty-eight million gallons of water are to be wasted in a drought area because one teenager might or might not have dropped a pint of urine in there. What about the concrete-booted bodies the Mob have left there? No problem because the water purification system will remove all trace of them. There will be no eyes popping out of your taps, probably. But keep watching. You never know.

However, teenager pee will retain its form after any kind of processing and will emerge intact into one single pint of tap water one day. It could all be in one pint of beer. Okay, fair enough, some of the cheap beers do actually taste as if they were not so much brewed as urinated into the bottles but even so.

You know, we have installations that can turn raw sewage into drinkable water these days. It’s pretty hard work but it does work. What goes in is utterly disgusting but what comes out is safe to drink. Against that, is there really any danger from a bit of second-hand fizzy pop diluted to a level of 1 in 304000000? That is 0.003 parts per million or 3 parts per billion which is even less than the amount of anything remotely dangerous in the Electrofag steam on its way into the vaper. Yet you can terrify a drone with what comes out.

Getting a pint of pee out of an entire reservoir of water involves no actual work of any kind at all. The normal water purification process deals with far more really dangerous stuff every day. The pint of pee is nothing, it’s already diluted away and dispensed with by the teeming bacterial load of the water within seconds. If there was any intelligence left in the world there never would have been any idiots testing for it.

Did you know that water looks crystal clear when it has 10,000 bacteria per millilitre? It has to get to around 1,000,000 per millilitre before it even looks a bit cloudy. That crystal clear lake or sea water is definitely not sterile.

Urine is sterile, unless you have an infection. Water, any water, even tap water, is not.

In the end it does not even matter. All the dangerous bugs are taken out of tap water and the water is tested to make sure. I don’t drink it anyway, it has no taste and fish do unmentioanable things in it. I prefer my water to be mixed and fermented before drinking, like in the old (very old) days when it was safer to drink small beer than to drink water. They knew what they were doing.

Stupidity is rife. It is everywhere but it is not where you’d expect it to be.

I had a visitor to the toilets in Local Shop today. A zombie mouth breather in the flesh, with her brood of monstrous simians in tow. I left there expecting to come back to a trashed toilet.

No. She and her brood had left the place very clean indeed. Far better than I have seen after some pompous middle class wannabe aristos had been in there. She wasn’t much to look at but I bet her house is clean. Okay, she won’t be on University Challenge but then neither will those wannabe aristos who evidently have butlers at home to flush for them. Dirty old tarts. And the pompous-git blokes are no better.

One of Winston Smith’s quotes in ‘1984’ was ‘If there is hope, it lies in the proles’. He might have been right. Now that I have descended from the ivory tower of science into the real world of people who don’t know what IQ means and who actually believe that while a group of crows is a ‘murder of crows’, two or three crows is just a ‘manslaughter’ (today, and it was once again the same poor gullible girl. She’s lovely, I just can’t help myself) – I can see that Orwell had a point.

It’s the proles who have standards. They have control of their children. They have Heritage and a past to look at. Ignore the chavs, I’m talking about the real proles now. The ones I came from, grew up with and thought were all gone into the benefits entrapment.

They still exist but are forgotten. They don’t get into the Daily Mail because they are not whining about their lives, they just get on with it. The real proles are still there.

They are the ones who will laugh at peeing into reservoirs because they know what else pees in there. They are the ones who will, without any microbiological training, instinctively understand why this is wrong.

They, those proles, are the real hope for the future because they are the ones nobody pays any attention to.

The ones nobody tries to control because they don’t think it’s worthwhile.



23 thoughts on “What a sad and stupid people…

  1. I remember once actually convincing someone that there WAS a real problem with electricity leaking out of empty light fixtures unless you plugged them with a bulb. The idea wasn’t mine to begin with (Actually Leg, it sounds straight up YOUR alley!) but I was amazed to see it work in action.

    I’ve pointed out the animal pee thing to folks too in the past, but the most common reaction seems to be one of them deciding that in the future they’ll only drink bottled water. Out of sheer human kindness I don’t mention that the urine in that will simply be a bit older.

    At least it helps us to understand the why/how of antismoking success.



    • Well… there was a time in the mid ’80s when I took to berating people for leaving mains outlets switched on with nothing plugged into them. Electricity was leaking out all over the floor and costing a fortune! I’d forgotten about that one. Good to see someone keeping it going 😉

      Sheer human kindness? What’s that? There are so many people on the planet that every drop of water has passed through at least one bladder by now. It doesn’t matter whether it comes from a tap or a bottle, someone peed it some time in the past and it’s about to go through whoever drinks it next. There’s an interesting statistical fact I just made up.


    • My Great-aunt could ‘smell’ electricity leaking out of unplugged outlets. She was certain, and nothing could convince her otherwise.
      Shortly afterwards, she died of a a burst aneurism in the brain. If only we could convince the proles that a a pint of untraceable sterile urine would have the same effect……


      • I wonder, in that coldly analytical way scientists have, whether the pressure of the building aneurysm was in some way responsible for her ‘smelling’ electricity?


  2. It is stunning to consider the hubris of government; unaccountable, spendthrift, anti-science, anti common sense (or, frankly, any sense at all). In a former life, around 1968, I helped seine areas from which drinking water was drawn. You’d have played hell filtering some of that stuff out. Just for the love of pete (see what I almost did there) do the math. How big a bladder could the boy have had? Talk about dilution.

    These people are not elected, they are selected. It can’t be natural selection. It must be unnatural. Witches, probably. A good burning should sort it out.


    • It’s Portland. It rains more than in England. It rains more than in the freaking rainforest. It washed more oil slick off concrete parking lots than…no. No.

      Thank Gaia that a caring and benevolent government wants the very best for me. All hail Al Gore. Damn Mark Steyn.


  3. I suppose that almost everything we do breaks a law now. We probably break hundreds everyday. What a sorry and sad state of affairs. I wonder what the chap who pished in the reservoir got as a punishment? Made to stand and not pish for a whole day?

    Small aside. I wonder how all those people going to the Commonwealth Games on the shooglie in Glasgow will enjoy the background smell of pish?

    Ho hum…


    • I once heard a joke. I hope I tell it right.

      A man dies and goes to hell. The devil tells him he must choose between 2 rooms, where to spend eternity. The first room is an infernal mine; hot, sweaty and full of whip-wield demons breathing fire. The second room is filled with people standing around chatting, but up to their ankles in shit. It smells disgusting but the man thinks he can learn to live with it, so he chooses the second room.

      He nearly has time to introduce himself when a loud whistle blows and the biggest, meanest demon enters the room. “Alright c**ts! Break time is over! Now get back on your fucking heads!”

      I was 12. It tickled me.


  4. The SHS-is-like-peeing-in-a-swimming-pool mob must have clamoured for the reservoir drain 🙂

    Thank you for giving me a much needed laugh by your turn of phrase in that piece – scared truds, indeed :>


  5. Filched; but, funny.

    The EPA doesn’t appear to have a limit for urine in drinking water, but it does limit nitrates in drinking water to 10,000 ppb, and urine does contain a lot of nitrogen, so let’s use that as a proxy.

    How many times would that teenager have to pee in a Portland reservoir to produce a urine concentration approaching the EPA’s limit for nitrates in drinking water? About 3,333 times.

    But of course urine is 95 percent water. (If you’re ever trapped in rubble after a natural disaster, go ahead and drink it.) Only about 2 percent of urine is nitrogen-rich urea.

    That means he’d have to urinate 166,666 times for the concentration of urea to approach that of the EPA’s limit for nitrates in drinking water.

    Since most animals, including idiot teenaged show-offs, take about 21 seconds to urinate, that means he’d have to urinate constantly for 3,500,000 seconds, or about 40 days.

    Urea has a half life so it would degrade by 40 days. Instead it would be more efficient to have 175,000 teens urinate simultaneously into the reservoir.


    • “it would be more efficient to have 175,000 teens urinate simultaneously into the reservoir.”

      Uh oh Gary.

      You may have just created a new category for the Guinness Book of World Records!

      – MJM


  6. Like it says in the Good Book y’all, Proverbs 5:15 : “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.”- This inspirational message was brought to you by The Most Reverend Pastor John-Billy-Bob-Joe of the Four Square Tabernacle TV CHURCH OF GOD THE PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME….y’all

    Now give til it hurts, give til they call the men in white coats.


    • I always wanted to ask one of these guys ‘Why does God always need money?’

      I mean, creator of the universe, builder of incredibly complex stuff, omnipotent and omnipresent but lousy at handling money? What, he can’t resist advertising or something?

      And if you have the power to create anything at all, what do you need money for anyway?

      Oh. Right. Taxes. I should have known.


      • “Jump in the river and learn to swim-God gonna wash away ALL ya sin and if you still can’t see The Light, God’s gonna buy you a satellite” -Hooters “Satellite”


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