I have no £50 notes and have never had one because I live in a place where it would be a right bugger to get change when you wanted to spend one. Imagine going into Farmfoods or Poundland with one of those! Heck, if I spend £50 in Lidl I can barely get the stuff home.
Even £20 notes can be a nuisance unless I’m buying whisky. Then I never seem to have enough of them – although £20 does get Glen Moray or Ledaig in Morrisons and gets you a 12-year-old single malt called Ben Bracken in Lidl. In Poundland, they look at you as if you’d presented a slab of gold if you try to pay a £2 bill with a £20 note.
There was a company recently (I think it was Swiss which seems likely) that produced gold in a credit card sized slice, divided into one-gram squares. A brilliant idea for a new form of money. If something costs five grams and you have a fifty-gram card, you just break off five squares. When there are too many single squares floating around you just melt fifty of them and cast a new fifty-gram card of squares.
Wouldn’t it be great if you could just cut 10% off a £20 note and call it £2? It’s not possible of course. Counterfeiters already produce fakes of entire £20 notes. It would be so much easier just to make a load of strips.
Did you know that there are a great many fake £1 coins in circulation? I wouldn’t have thought it worth the bother but I suppose, once you have made the stamping die and have the metal colour right, you can churn them out all day. Everyone is checking large denomination notes. Nobody is checking one-pound coins. I am, now.
Anyway, the £50 note has been faked so often that it is to be replaced with a new one. Should you be lucky enough to have a stash of £50 notes under your bed, check them now.
The old ones won’t be legal tender after 30th April. Some banks will still change it after that, or you can go to the Bank of England to get it changed but if you want to avoid the hassle, check now.
The problem you have here is that hardly anyone has a large and legally acquired stash of £50 notes. So if you do have such a stash and it has nothing to do with drugs, guns, tobacco or hallucinogenic radishes, prepare to be asked some very searching questions.
So have a quick look at your carefully stored pension fund but don’t do it right now.
It’s dark. Underbed Monster is active…