Deflections.

I have considered giving an envelope to the guy at Local Shop who is quite clearly in the Asperger’s bracket. I would write on that envelope ‘Do not open until tomorrow’ and would envisage a tale worthy of Kafka coming out of such a thing.

Wilfred picked up the envelope and turned it in his fingers. The scrawled handwriting on the front said ‘Do not open until tomorrow’. He replaced the envelope precisely into its original space, as he had done every day for the past forty-three years.

His name is not Wilfred but he’d fall for this one. It would be unneccessarily cruel so I’ll save it for the next antismoking drone I meet. They don’t need to be clinically defined with anything, they’re just stupid.

There’s nothing in the envelope. No need. It will never be opened. Maybe it should contain a note that says ‘I told you not to open this until tomorrow!’

It’s similar to my suggestion at Local Shop that we should have signs above the sinks saying ‘In the interests of hygiene, please wash your hands before touching these taps’. You would be amazed at how many thought that was a good idea. Most did the ‘hey – what?’ after thinking about it but some still think it’s a good idea. They are destined for Admin.

It’s something to deflect attention from real life, as all stories are. Something absurd yet with just enough logic to be believed. These days you don’t need much real logic at all.

ASH are in the news and for once they are not pushing smoking onto children. They have declared that Electrofag is a pretty good idea after all. It is. It’s a marvellous gadget. You can smoke absinthe and roast chicken in this little toy. You can puff on it when you can’t be bothered rolling or tubing real baccy. More and more people prefer it to smoking tobacco and it’s easy to see why – where are you going to get cigar flavoured cigarettes? You’d have to fork out for cigars if you want that experience.

Electrofag is much cheaper too because you don’t have to pay 70% duty on every puff. With cigarettes approaching £10 for 20 (are we there yet?)  that’s ten shillings a smoke! You could get two pints of Brains Dark in Cardiff for that in 1978! There’s no duty because it’s not a tobacco product… but it is. Where do you think they get the nicotine?

The ASH deflection is merely a ploy to get all the vapers onside. They have realised htat they are missing out on millions of potential antismoking activists and are actually driving those vapers back to the smoky side.

Come over to the smoky side of the Farce, Luke. See the fun we have over here.

That’s why the Pharmers are silent. They aren’t in on the game, they are running the game. It has always been a long slow game and the vapers are about to be duped. Will they fall for it? Yes. Smack smack smack. If you are our friends, the smacking stops. Oh yes, they will fall for it. Most already have.

Then there is the news (news- ha!) that ASH use tax money to lobby government. The MP in question is sincere but the whole thing will be brushed aside as some kind of tobacco industry scheme even though the influence of the tobacco industry on government could be compared to the influence of a peanut on the formation of a black hole. Actually, an anti-peanut because whatever the tobacco industry says, the government do the opposite.

There are many tales of terrible paedos in the news. Almost all have been shown to be baseless. The Salivator is probably one of the biggest deflections of our time. Sure, he was a creepy dude but did he really do all the things he is accused of? Most of what he was accused of wasn’t actually illegal. Immoral perhaps, but not illegal. Anna Raccoon hsas been digging and has found that the Evil One was not as dark as he is portrayed.

So what is the whole Salivator affair deflecting us from?

Hmm...?