The Tobacco Race.

The race is on.

Duff Sheila has declared that Scotland must be tobacco-free by 2034. Twenty years. That is how long I have to produce a tobacco plant growing wild on every bit of spare ground in Scotland. Under every damn windmill and on the edge of every golf course.

Duff Sheila – challenge accepted.

Let’s up the ante, Duff. Let’s make it ten years. I’m way behind you now so you have nothing to worry about, apart from not getting your pension in ten years. Nothing to fear.

By 2024, Scotland will either be smoke free or covered in wild tobacco. That’s my aim, Duff. Want to take the bet? Go on, you have degrees in things that will help you counter the machinations of an evil biologist. Don’t you? No? Well get something relevant either to combating The Smoker or to at least doing your damn job. You have ten years.

Apparently the 2034 thing was not her idea, it was something she either stole or manipulated from a 100 metre runner called Allan Wells. He is apparently a Scottish hero.

To me, he is a git who wants to control my life and nothing more than that. So he can run a short distance at high speed. That will be useful if he is ever faced by a fat mugger but of no practical use otherwise. On the basis of his bit of running, he feels he has the right to tell me how to live.

Okay, Wellsey, how about this?

I hate running because I can’t do it. So I insist it must be illegal to run when nobody is chasing you. I declare that running for fun is so obviously irrational that anyone found running must have been up to something and should be detained by the police until they fall down some stairs.

Does that seem fair, runner boy? It is exactly the same as your wish to curtail what I enjoy just because you don’t like it. You filthy bastard.

And now you have given ammunition to the New Nazis.

Hero? If this is what people now regard as a hero, then there is nothing left.

It is perhaps worth noting one small detail here. Heroes don’t run.

In this race, Wells, we don’t need you and we especially do not need the twisted form of ‘heroism’ your kind spout.

Who will win? The ones with the funding or the ones with the seeds?

I have no funding but I have an awful lot of seeds.

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28 thoughts on “The Tobacco Race.

  1. You are finally catching on….I have planted tobacco seeds and plants. (they grow well from cuttings here) in about every box garden that every public utility has to offer and there are thousands, over the passed five years since I retired from such utility. Free water, a constant supply of product, and no one else knows what they look like…even when the gardeners cut them down, they grow back twice as large….perhaps we should rename it Phoenix?

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    • I’ve been trying for a few years but in Scotland, a late frost can wipe the lot out. So I’m trying to breed a Scottish climate variant.

      Of course, if global warming is true, we win. That should burn a few drone minds.

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  2. I am on a tear tonite, and after your last post about the loo, I can’t resist the following. I was the Drain Guy for the phone company I worked for. I had to pull a toilet off because I could not just plunge the problem away. I put the snake down the drain and could tell it caught something after about 6 feet. I proceeded to pull out a plastic bag, which was attached to another plastic bag, and after 15 minutes if this, I figured out some ass had flushed a roll of plastic garbage bags down the hopper. I figured it was some pissed off mexican janitor, who was coincidentely fired the next day. But after about 10 minutes of pulling plastic bags out of a shitter, I was begining to look for Alan Funt, as I thought this was some CandidCamera stunt

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    • One of the common ones is in the baby changing/disabled toilet. They put the nappy on top of the special nappy bin (which is no concern of mine, other shit-collecters deal with it) and they push the pedal and… the nappy has gone. It has gone behind the bin, not in it, but we don’t get the brightest and best in Local Shop so ‘it is gone’ is enough for them.

      Luckily for me I have a background in handling all kinds of shit. It stinks but I see no real risk.

      The others are cleaners by education. It’s not so easy for them.

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  3. “I insist it must be illegal to run when nobody is chasing you. I declare that running for fun is so obviously irrational that anyone found running must have been up to something and should be detained by the police until they fall down some stairs…”

    Couldn’t agree more. It is extremely irrational to waste so much time effectively doing nothing. Running for fun? Who could enjoy running for fun? Who enjoys running for a bus? Nobody. Point proven. (Football is fun, but there’s a purpose to the running, whereas jogging from Point A (your house) back to Point A for no reason is surely a sign of mental distress?)

    Running is dangerous and (altogether now) “costs the NHS millions of pounds”. There are the obvious injuries while running, but a GP (let’s call him Dr. B.) who goes to the church I used to go to is out jogging every morning, listing to U2 through his earphones (what a truly ghastly combination – he’s obviously a masochist) and told me that jogging wears out the skeleton more quickly than not jogging.

    There’s no tax on jogging, other than the VAT on a pair of shoes, so smokers and drinkers are paying for the damage done by these people’s dangerous habit. Dr. B’s future hip replacements will be paid for by the people he nags into changing their ‘lifestyle’.

    And breathing in all those noxious traffic fumes at highly increased rates must also be doing damage. Compare this with relaxing at home with a smoke listening to some nice music (obviously not U2). Which one sounds more conducive to good health?

    And running is a habit – an addiction (Dr. B. does it does it every day, so it must be).

    It’s an addiction because of the adrenalin, therefore these runners are drug addicts. They’re too tight to pay for drugs so they make their bodies produce their own. So, yes, the police should arrest them for being in possession of more adrenalin than is required for ‘personal use’.

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    • U2 = Ding-Dingaling-Dingaling-Dingaling-Dingaling, Ding-Dingaling-Dingaling-Dingaling-Dingaling (repeat ad infinitum). All their songs.

      I never saw the point of U2. Could never understand why people listened to them. Hear one track, you’ve heard ’em all.

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    • Jogging AND listening to U2? That is a psychiatric matter. Both those things are signs of madness.

      I once saw a definition of a gym that went something like ‘Running when nobody is chasing you and lifting heavy things that don’t need to be moved’. It is why I have not been inside a gym since school.

      Once I visited a hotel in the countryside (someone else was paying, it was work). There was a gym you could look at while drinking coffee and eating a doughnut. This hotel was surrounded by lots of lovely woodland.

      In the gym, people paid extra to run on rubber belts next to pictures of trees.

      The stupid…. it burns.

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      • Over where I live, the healthist churches (gyms) are large and imposing, fronted with large plate glass windows (one of them is owned by that anti-smoker healthist priest – Duncan Bannatine). Healthist disciples pay handsomely to pump iron and jog in rows on those rubber rolling roads in full view of passers-by. Maybe the idea is to spread the religion – “That looks fun – I must join the healthist faith” Ha!

        It only puts me in mind of a hamster cage with happy hamsters running hell-for-leather inside a plastic drum. It sort of epitomises the drone mentality to me. Every time I see a heavy breathing jogger running along a main road, breathing in copious amounts of exhaust vehicle fumes, I immediately think ‘hamster’! Don’t get me wrong, I think moderate exercise is good for health and I think hamsters, running around in hamster wheels, in hamster cages look very cute!

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        • Gyms with glass fronts? That sounds like the radical arm of the Catholics openly displaying celices and barbed self-flagellation implements.

          It’s certainly not going to entice me in!

          I have only ever seen one sensible use of those treadmill things – and note that this was all in one take, no edits!

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  4. Seems it’s just a re-hash by Duffy to make the intent appear to have athletic support. Two names used and that’s all part of the strategy: “partnering”.

    Neither athletes have a clue the 2034’s old hat, however the template was set by NZ where their date is 2025. (And one NZ local politician suggested sterilizing Maori mothers to save their kiddies from second hand smoke!!!!)

    http://thejackalman.blogspot.co.uk/2013/04/bruce-wilson-asshole-of-week.html

    That’s one reason for Labour in opposition to float the big lifestyle thingy that, in effect, does the same thing. No one born after 2015 will be able to buy tobacco products (2015 plus 18 pretty well comes to 2034, depending on if they get to sit in the hot seat and if they manage to pass the legislation).

    And their (ASH) definition is that less than 5% of the adult population smoke so – sadly – there will be no need to de-fund Tobacco Control. None whatsoever. They’ll be needed for many decades thereafter to monitor progress, churn out studies and statistics and so on.

    The only significant downside to this – from a taxpayer standpoint – is the money the government receives from tobacco duty is unlikely to be able to fund their pensions as well as their ongoing role of initiators and enforcers, so it’ll have to come out of general taxation. (I find that perfectly appropriate because many who support TC – including these athletic talking heads – don’t see any downside to what they advocate. Perhaps when they understand that sports facilities, funding for athletes and such will be curtailed or postponed or withdrawn. But that involves a degree of thought, which is in short supply on tracks and rugby pitches)

    And, as one who keeps an eye on official statistics as well as TC funded studies, I’d be prepared to wager that by 2034 the real figure will bear no relationship to what will be going on at pavement level and that excludes the tens of thousands who have quit because it’s too expensive. Given the chance of a free cigarette they jump at it. They’re “smokers priced out the market”. A bit like people who can’t afford to run a car, or go on holiday. They would if they could.

    Knowing all this, very unfortunately, it does mean yet more money spent on monitoring and policing. But what the heck, the “environmental wardens” don’t just do that Legs, they keep an eye on everyone! Of course it is true that they have no need to fear anything as long as they don’t do anything wrong. And that’s the rub. The number of wrongs is going up every week, with some places – Canada – making it an offense to even use smelly perfume.

    Anyway Junican picked up on the 2034 thing way back in March last year and this is a link to his post that should, in turn, lead to ground zero.

    https://boltonsmokersclub.wordpress.com/2013/03/29/the-new-scottish-tobacco-control-strategy/.

    It’s Duffy all the way; from conception to final implementation. The demonic librarian!

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    • Anyone stlll alive in Scotland in 2034 is welcome to it , ,I’m totally flabbergasted any sane European lives there NOW.

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      • I’ll be 70 if God gives me the strength to see 2034. That’ll probably be the age at which Emperor Oily Al will have decreed that people will be bumped off to ‘save the planet’. Except for Oily Al, his royal family and other special, important people.

        Whatever happens in Scotland will be happening all over the World anyway. Agenda 21 will be policy everywhere, I’m quite sure.

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        • That reminds me of the plan in the 70s(?), when nuclear shelters were built to house, well, politicians and their lackies (is anyone surprised, so far?), and a few soldiers to help restore order when they emerged.

          The immediate questions then raised were: would anyone who survived want to be told what to do by you who hid? And, would any of your soldiers be prepared to shoot at unarmed survivors just on your whim?

          That these questions were raised on the BBC shows just how far they have plummeted.

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          • These concerns were covered in the alarmist 1965 TV special ‘The War Game’.
            The irony is that leftists do compel you to obey their orders, decide your rations of commodities, regulate how many ‘unit’s you must/may/may not have – as though we were mass-produced machines. We didn’t need an emergency wartime government to get snivelling Gauleiterinnen like Sheila, the She-Bitch of ASH.
            If the Shittypedia article about Allan Wells is correct, he’s based in Guildford, which gives one insight into the scerotically-minded Sheila Duffy’s spit-flecked, one-eyed nationalism. Couldn’t she find a local to help her with her propaganda?

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    • It always makes me laugh when the drones say ‘Oh but Big Tobacco don’t fund the NHS through taxes’.

      No they don’t. Their customers do.

      If the anti8s win, it will be cheaper to have private medical care than to pay to see an NHS doctor. Much safer, too.

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  5. American children are taught to venerate Johnny Appleseed, aka John Chapman:

    ‘.. an American pioneer nurseryman who introduced apple trees to large parts of Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois, as well as the northern counties of present day West Virginia. He became an American legend while still alive, due to his kind, generous ways, his leadership in conservation, and the symbolic importance he attributed to apples.’

    (It has always amused me that, in reality, a fair proportion of those apples probably went into making applejack – in those harsh mid-west winters, a barrel of cider left outside the back door was a handy – if hazardous – way of obtaining the hard stuff.)

    You, of course, would be seen as rather more of a Dark Side version, but perhaps you could think of a similarly catchy alias…

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    • A few years back, when I first mooted the idea ot wild UK baccy, a commenter dubbed me ‘The man who went to seed’.

      I like that. I think I’ll keep it.

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  6. Alan Wells? He was the bloke that won a gold medal for running fairly quickly for 10 seconds when the best runners failed to turn up was he not? Of course he’s a sleb, at least in his head. Slebs know everything. Slebs can talk about any subject at all. They have views. The know what’s best for everyone else.

    Slebs mainly do their hobby, it’s not like they work or anything. When they stop doing their hobby they are goosed! So they spout crap.

    As for jogging? They guy that invented it died doing it. Says it all really.

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    • Interesting to note that the guy who invented the Segway died riding one. So inventing things is bad for you!

      By the modern version of ‘logic’, inventing must be banned at once!

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  7. It’ll never happen. Some years ago, when the antipodes were way ahead of us in the anti-smoking league, New Zealand pronounced proudly that they would be a “smoke free” country in (I think) about 2012. But they bragged about it less and less as 2012 drew ever closer and it became increasingly obvious that it wasn’t going to happen. I predict the same deafening silence in Scotland with the approach of 2035. But it’ll be good to have the wild plants growing everywhere in any case.

    It’s also notable (again) how little interest the MSM has taken in this latest new “announcement.” Yet again, tobacco control has failed to recognise how little interest anyone has in anti-smoking now that the ban, in all its hideous glory, is upon us all …

    And yes, Wells only won the sprint because he ran it at the Moscow Olympics which the US (and loads of other countries, for that matter), were boycotting. Competing against the really world-class guys, he never won a thing.

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    • If they dropped all the antismoking stuff tomorrow, the wild plant experiment will continue. If pubs actually became smoker-only places, the wild plant experiments continue. Once started, this will not stop.

      I am nothing if not totally bloody-minded 😉

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