That’s what the film ‘Waterworld’ should have been called. All of it has passed through a bladder at some point, human or otherwise. Ducks piss and crap in reservoirs as do fish and otters and all sorts of other animals. We drink wee. Well, you lot do. I drink it after it has had the wee distilled out.
The Daily Dronescarer today reports that there is cocaine in drinking water. Don’t get excited, they admit that there isn’t really, it’s just the metabolites peed out by cocaine users. Not actual cocaine. This stuff is used, the active part is gone. You will not get high on tap water. You’ll just get wet.
Funnily enough, they don’t mention the little detail that if the peed-out metabolites of a drug are in tap water, then… tap water is urine.
Tap water must therefore also contain cotinine, peed out by smokers. If you drink water you will fail a cotinine test. It will also contain the excess salt peed out by heavy salt users and sugar peed out by diabetics. (There are obvious reasons why the sugar won’t be there at all, but let’s not trouble the drones with complexities. They already screw up their little faces at the idea that bees are not the only pollinators in the world).
In fact, anything that can be detected in urine must, logically, be present in tap water. Including urea (same as sugar but again, the drones won’t notice). All those medications, all those bladder infections, all those byproducts of all the horrible things, all of them spew forth from that tap you imagine is giving you purity but which is in fact directly linked to a pipe stuck on the end of Satan’s knob.
They are already trying to eat no fat or sugar at all and now it is not safe to drink the water. Oh, right, they only drink bottled water. Where do they imagine those bottles are filled, I wonder? At a pure and fresh mountain spring? Nope. At the public urinal. Why do you think they provide those urinals? Out of the goodness of their hearts?
In the very olden days before even I was born, water was considered a dangerous thing to drink unless it had been made into ‘small beer’. This was pretty much shandy-strength stuff you could drink all day and the safety part was in the boiling of the water during mash production. The boiling would have been enough but back in the days when humans reached adulthood, boiled water was just bland and if you’re going to all the trouble of boiling it anyway, why not make it into beer? Makes sense.
The problem for the drones is, they are scared of beer too! The residue of beer drinkers is also in tap water now and I am working on making tap water an even stronger drink 😉
So they won’t drink alcoholic drinks and they can no longer drink water and all foods and soft drinks contain water… Oh this is getting interesting.
Maybe this is why the Puritans get so far ahead and then collapse every time they try to impose their grey and awful world on us all. Maybe, every time, they push the absurdity to a point where all their useful idiots convince themselves to death.
Maybe, in this round of Puritanism, that point is fast approaching. I say we help it along.
All it takes is a little push.