No arguing – they know best.

In a copy of the antismoking propaganda so blatant only a fully infantilised drone could miss it, the WHO claim that three million people die of alcohol related things every year. As when a smoker is hit by a bus and it’s recorded as a smoking related death (works for ex-smokers and those who once knew a smoker too, that’s why more smokers die every year than actually exist), anyone who dies and who liked a tipple is a drink-related death. Whether it was drink that killed them or not.

If they were crossing the road on the way to the pub, it’s a drink related death. If they were an overweight ex-smoker too, they died three times. With all the new bans and lifestyle controls, soon each of us will die more times than a cat. Eventually the WHO will report the death rate as a number three times the size of the entire population of the planet even if you include all the spiders and bluebottles. And the drones will nod in blind compliance.

Alcohol apparently now causes 200 diseases, so it’s a mystery to me why I don’t have any of them despite trying very, very hard for many years. I don’t have any smoking related ones either and I’m neither obese nor diabetic despite eating just what I like, whenever I like. And I have so far failed to die of anything, or even have a day off sick since the early 1990s when I had flu. I suppose I’m just one of life’s failures.

There’s no point arguing with the WHO. The World Hate Organisation knows best and its made-up pronouncements become fact as soon as they are uttered.

You must also stop talking about the detrimental effects of artificial sweetener. This Has Been Stated and it is now fact – sugar is bad for you, strange and unnatural chemicals are just fine. You must accept this. You must obey. They know best, even when it is clear they know nothing at all. Artificial sweeteners are only in fizzy drinks and chewing gum? Methinks someone should look closely at a lot more labels.

As an intestinal-microbiology scientist I’m sticking with sugar, thanks. Just don’t eat too much of it and there’s no problem. Besides, you can’t make booze with aspartame. Maybe that’s why they want the sugar gone. Won’t work. You don’t need sugar to make beer and you can make wine without it too – not as strong perhaps, but wine nonetheless. Well ripened fruit is the key to that one. Alternatively, use honey. They dare not ban that!

As for ‘hidden sugar’ – every label on every food you buy has ‘carbohydrate’ and ‘sugars’ listed by law. Also how much sodium is in there – a nonsensical one since it only refers to added salt, not to the sodium content of the rest of the food.

Then there is the Halal issue. Recently, a moron in charge of a supermarket declared that customers never objected to their Halal meat before the tabloids started banging on about it. They didn’t object to it because they didn’t know they were buying it, because it’s not labelled. This is beyond the comprehension of a supermarket boss which makes me wary oif his ability to ensure food safety compliance, a far more complex issue than writing ‘Halal’ or ‘Not’ on a label.

Ah, but refusing to eat Halal meat is now Islamophobic even though Islam forbids we infidels from eating it. Only the best and healthiest animals can be Halal, we horrible heretics can have the scabby ones.

The dhimmi who wrote the article uses this phrasing – “… it was claimed the restaurant chain Pizza Express uses halal chicken on its pizzas…” when Pizza Express have quite openly stated that they don’t tell people their chicken is Halal unless they ask. They don’t lie about it, when asked they say so, they just don’t advertise it. On this matter, Pizza Express are perfectly open. There is no ‘claimed’ about it. The wording implies that Pizza Express are being accused of something they aren’t doing, which is just Leftie weasel words.

There is a Sharia Halal Board. Did you know that this board existed to push Halal onto us all whether we want it or not, and to accuse us of racism if we don’t like it? No, neither did I. Well it’s of no importance as far as Pizza Express are concerned. I can buy a cold pizza in a supermarket far cheaper than a hot one in their shops and heat it in 15 minutes or less. The nearest Pizza Express is in trhe next town so they can’t deliver in 15 minutes anyway. I always go for pepperoni except for the time I bought a haggis one. Neither of those is in any danger of being Halal. I suppose the sheep parts in the haggis might be but it’s surely had the Halal processed out of it by the time it’s ready.

Incidentally, the processing of poultry isn’t nice, whether Halal or not. A single chicken doesn’t sell for much so the processors have to conveyor-belt them through, and it’s a process that would make Leatherface gasp in admiration at the wanton brutality of it all. Hey, you want cheap chicken, they have to kill a lot of them fast. It’s cruel, yes, but I eat it anyway. The alternative would be to raise my own chickens and kill them softly to the strains of Beethoven’s sixth symphony while projecting chicken porn on the walls around them. Sorry chickens, that’s too much bother. The speed they go through that choppy place, I wonder that any priest can pray that fast.

We have to put up with Halal. It’s for the Sharias. They know best. Anyway, I see it as one in the eye for the radical Islamists. Hey, radicals. I’m in your curry house, eating your food. No scabby stuff for this infidel. Haha, I’m eating the holy stuff and I don’t believe in anything at all. Well, you refuse to label it and I’ll eat just about anything so there you go. And I’m going to wash it down with whisky too, then have a smoke afterwards.

I’m sure a commenter pointed out (Flaxen Saxon maybe? [update – it was Bulaman]) a while back that all New Zealand lamb is Halal. The UK supermarkets might not even know that! That comment might have been on another blog I read late on, when things get hazy. Well, most of this week I  don’t start work until 5 pm so there is a lot more haziness at night than usual.

We won’t have to worry about Halal for too much longer anyway. Locusts, woodlice and dung beetles will never be Halal, nor Kosher, and that is what They Who Know Best expect us all to live on.

Maybe that is what is happening to all the bees. They’re getting turned into pies in Sweeny Todd’s hives.

You could make scampi from locusts and since most scampi isn’t even prawns any more it might well be hard to spot the difference. You never know, it might even be an improvement over the ‘mechanically reclaimed’ fish scraps that is in most of the cheap stuff now. Getting scampi made from langoustines will take a second mortgage for most of us. Langoustines, locusts, both start with an ‘L’ and both look really creepy when alive so there’s no difference really.

Insects might well be edible but so are horses and dogs, and there has been outcry about horses on the menu already. I really don’t see even the French accepting insect burgers too well, and they eat snails and frogs’ legs (the legs aren’t bad, just far too small, although I have not tried snails). Even in China, where roast dog and wokked pigs’ stomach lining are on almost every restaurant menu, I never saw sweet and sour earwig or lemon cockroach or spider in black bean sauce on offer. Even the Chinese, the ultimate omnivores, don’t eat insects.

I bet there’s not much Halal in China. I can see Islamic priests getting a response from Allah along the lines of ‘You want to eat what?’

Getting the British public to chow down on houseflies in aspic or to accept the grubs of the carrot fly as extra protein really does not sound likely to me. Especially when they find out – as they will – that those who make them eat this crap are tucking into a rump steak or a lamb shank daily – and on the cricket-munching taxpayer too.

They know best, they say, but they don’t know what they are setting up for themselves.

Let’s not tell them. Let’s just get a good stock of popcorn in for what will happen when their drones get pushed just that little bit too far.

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47 thoughts on “No arguing – they know best.

  1. Leg supposedly wrote, ” And I have so far failed to die of anything, ”

    Note that I say “supposedly wrote.” In reality, I suspect something far different took place. I believe the real Mr. Iron was murdered many years ago and eaten by giant intelligent cockroaches who have taken over his computer and produce these blog entries. For evidence, I have only to produce (or in this case, since I can’t find the durn things, ask the cockroaches to produce) URL pointers to some of the horror stories he also claims to produce under the nomme-de-flair “H.K. Hillman.” After reading three or four of “his” pieces I’m sure you’ll agree they couldn’t have been written by an actual human being.

    It is hard to say what the cockroaches’ true motivation is for continuing to carry on this blatantly transparent charade. Do they get a tax-break by denying their six-legged status? Are they simply foreseeing the future when they will be prized as food and served as suckling-pigs with apples in their mandibles? Who knows? It is impossible for the human mind to truly comprehend the complexities of arthropodal attitudinal aberrations.

    Just be warned, Misters and Mizzes Cockroaches. We are on to you and your game. “Leg Iron” indeed…. as transparent a dodge as thirdhand smoke.

    – MJM

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  2. ‘Alternatively, use honey. They dare not ban that!’

    Way ahead of you on that one – first hive going strong, captured another swarm this week and nicely-pollinated apple trees on track for honey cider later this summer (to accompany pizzas made in oven built from garden clay).

    I’m not sure I agree with you about rebellion: the insects will probably go down a treat if powdered and added to the drones’ usual foodstuffs. I’m sure the producers will think of a nice anodyne term to put on the label.

    In any case, labelling is clearly no deterrent; if I may quote from a recent post of mine on cake decorations that included plastic shards and powdered brass:

    A brief tour of online retailers suggests that, even after buying clearly-labelled ‘non-edible cake decorating glitter’ – how is that supposed to work? – consumers are happily leaving comments about how much they and their children enjoyed eating it.

    I’m starting to think that, if you told them “Soylent Green is people”, they would just smile and say “Yes, but it makes such yummy cakes!”.

    (An interesting coincidence about the film but then, these days, that particular dystopian vision is never far away.)

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    • If you have honet, you are halfway to mead…

      Also note Rose’s recent comments about tobacco in the hive smoker to kill off the mites. If you haven’t already, plant a few.

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  3. When Morrison’s assured me that their own fresh and frozen beef and chicken and fresh lamb was not halal, I bought it.

    As soon as I read that animals killed the halal way and subsequently found to have a blemish are no longer declared halal and enter the normal food chain (if you could call it ‘normal’), I gave up on meat.

    I have been forced to become a vegetarian against my will (apart from fish). It’s not ‘Islamophobia’, but it feels like a ‘phobia’ (as that’s the incorrect term of the times) against everyone who’s not a Muslim, whether for religious or animal welfare reasons. We’re the ones who are aggrieved and inconvenienced here and have had to make a major dietary sacrifice.

    But it’s almost quaint to see a Jew and a Muslim writing jointly to a newspaper to defend their traditional slaughter method, although the Jews don’t face the animal towards Mecca while gobbledygook to a false god is uttered (at the speed of light in the case of chickens, I would have thought).

    Does this make me ‘Islamophobic’? Like ‘homophobic’, the word can mean anything you want it to mean, like “Donald won’t let me have my way with him. He’s sooooo homophobic”.

    Insects aren’t kosher, so I assume they aren’t halal either. Imagine the outcry from Muslims if/when they start stuffing creepy crawlies into food without labelling it as such.

    Oh, the irony….

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      • One of the benefits of Germany is that pork is the king of meat. The steak is usually quite disappointing and to get decent lamb you have to go to the bearded ones. Unless you go to a farmer’s market the chickens look like they’ve spent time as deserters in a punishment battalion.

        Strangely, they don’t really do bacon.

        Their game can be second to none, away from the cities. Not sure what the false prophet said about deer.

        I was going to get into sugar in beer but I see that FT has already brought out his Reinheitsgebot – although it does not prevent Binding from being exceptionally awful.

        I’d really like to see a situation where these experts had to put their jobs and credibility on the line to go with their declaration. I’ve had to risk my job only a couple of times, but I work with people who do it every day of the week. That’s why they earn so much.

        But a bureaucratic scientist – or rather, someone who has scientific qualifications – faces no risk. He could say that the sky will turn purple tomorrow and will be safe in his sinecure when it doesn’t. They are the false prophets of the secular West, I do my wudu when I sort my recycling – it goes into the same bin when it’s collected. I know that more than 3.5 units per day is haraam. Five a day is helal.

        A prophet is one who can see the future, and I reject all other prophets in favour of the one who can truly see my future, i.e., more and more of this nannying until I am dead. I realize that I am the true Prophet, and I am completely fucked.

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        • XX to get decent lamb you have to go to the bearded ones.XX

          I have a contact where I can go and choose my own from the field, and slaughter myself (Shotgun in the head works a treat. Whlist muttering my thanks to the great god Mossberg.) He does Goat as well.

          He also has a LARGE beard, but he is pure Odinist! Do not mistake a beard to be the sign of a sand-nigger.

          You CAN get decent lamb from supermarkets, but at between €15 and €30 per kilo, depending on time of year, FORGET it, unless you have access to Richard Bransons bank account.

          Even then, you can not garuntee it is not “halal.”

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        • One of my sons has a bacon joint all to himself after shopping at Asda on a Monday (husband flirts outrageously with the counter lady so she always put one aside for him). The child picks it clean, it’s a sight to behold. Wish he’d stop putting the cleaned bone in the fridge afterwards…

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  4. “But it’s almost quaint to see a Jew and a Muslim writing jointly to a newspaper to defend their traditional slaughter method,although the Jews don’t face the animal towards Mecca while gobbledygook to a false god is uttered (at the speed of light in the case of chickens, I would have thought). Does this make me ‘Islamophobic’?”

    Not particularly, as long as you feel the same way about the “Kosher for Passover” meat (I’m a bit religiously illiterate here, but I gather you’re saying the animals are killed in the same way and that that is what you are objecting to?) Calling their deities “false gods” might make you intolerant (if you believe you have one that is not false) or atheist, but not phobic.

    “Donald won’t let me have my way with him. He’s sooooo homophobic”. Heh, well, assuming the utterer is male, I’d say “He’s sooooo straight.” Wouldn’t need to have any homophobia at all!

    The big question though is BugOphobia! I can just see Leg sitting around at the local Shop with his coworkers during lunch break, reciting the number of “allowable” insect parts in their hot dogs etc.

    :>
    MJM

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      • You assume the cherries in your cake are vegetarian then you find out the dreadful truth that they’re coloured with crushed insects.

        MJM – the God of the Jew is the same God as the Stew. I doubt this ‘allah’ entity – real or perceived – is God, so as I am banned from eating food sacrificed to false gods, I must resist eating halal.

        I wouldn’t say it was intolerant to deny allah, just as I deny all the other gods. I wouldn’t treat a Muslim differently than anyone else. We’re all of one blood. All THE human race.

        Anyway, I was a Mormon for a short time, and I now think that is one heck of a crazy load of cobblers. It is heresy. Full of lies. Straight out of Freemasonry.

        Generally, nicer and kinder people than you get at a normal “Christian” church, though.

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        • Allah was originally a moon god, I understand. Analogous to Hecate. History of religion is fascinating, even though I have an alternate explanation for all of it that I’ve been working on. I probably won’t publish it in my own name though. Death threats are one thing, actual death is quite another.

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          • Yes, allah is supposedly a moon ‘god’.

            A lot of people now are taking their supposed ‘history’ about Christianity from the secret societies that want to destroy it. This is how we get the ‘Jesus never existed’ meme which is contrary to all the evidence.

            The ‘history’ we are taught generally is nonsense, I think. And being rewritten all the time. The EU getting the Nobel Peace Prize, for example, because we wouldn’t have had relative peace since WWII without this thing that started with the Maastricht Treaty in 1992…

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            • I remember reading that a whole thousand years or so of history isn’t real. Some powerful emperor, way back when, decided to move the calendar forward to make it look like he had reigned for a thousand years and employed a lot of people like me to just imagine what might have happened in the missing millenium. Well not quite like me. He’d have sacked me over the two hundred years of occupation by huge aliens made of cheese, whose corpses we still feed on to this very day.

              No idea if that’s true (the missing millenium, not the Cheesemonsters – that part is obviously true because of Cheddar Gorge and other cheese mines) but it’s hard to be sure with so many different calendars in the world now.

              The ‘history’ I am working on is also nonsense. It is almost as entirely fictional as a main-party manifesto and it won’t be hard to make it more credible. I will hook a few of the professionally offended with it though, as I did with ‘A Christmas Contract’ which was even labelled as fiction!

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  5. XX You don’t need sugar to make beer XX In fact, if you use sugar in Germany, you are not ALLOWED to call it beer. (Reinheitsgebot.The Reinheitsgebot (German pronunciation: [ˈʁaɪnhaɪtsɡəboːt] ( listen), literally “purity order”), sometimes called the “German Beer Purity Law” or the “Bavarian Purity Law” in English, is a regulation concerning the production of beer in the Holy Roman Empire and its successor state, Germany. In the original text, the only ingredients that could be used in the production of beer were water, barley and hops.

    The law originated on 30 November 1487, when Albert IV, Duke of Bavaria promulgated it, specifying three ingredients – water, malt and hops – for the brewing of beer. Later, in the city of Ingolstadt in the duchy of Bavaria on 23 April 1516, two other dukes endorsed the law as one to be followed in their duchies, adding standards for the sale of beer.

    The earliest documented mention of beer by a German nobleman is the granting of a brewing license by Emperor Otto II to the church at Liege (now Belgium), awarded in 974.XX

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  6. I had to laugh when I read that WHO said that binge drinking constituted 3 pints of piss poor lager in one session.

    i don’t drink lager, but otherwise The Daily Mash had it spot on:

    “You seem to have confused a safe drinking limit with what I like to call ‘lunch’ ”

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    • Last I looked “bingeing” was some one going out on a Friday, coming back Sunday night/Monday morning, after having sampled every optic in the pub until empty. And doing that maybe once a month or two, and hardly touching a drop in-between.

      By definition, you can NOT be a “binge drinker” if you do it every day.

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