They’re hiding something.

The distraction machine is in overdrive. While MPs demand minimum pricing for prole booze, they have decided to keep their own booze prices low. Trivial, really, and exactly what you’d expect from a bunch of self-serving spineless spitebags, but it has sent the Mail drones into overdrive. Which is what it was for.

After years of denying that there is a problem or trying to blame farmers using veterinary antibiotics, the gig is blown by the Cameroid who announces that antibiotic resistance is a very big problem. Without them, medicine will be plunged into the Dark Ages and we will die of a scratch. Yeah, I can have some fun with the drones with that one.

Antibiotics were only discovered in the 1930s, although Great-Grandma’s mouldy bread poultices worked on the same principle. Cameron seems to think the world was plagued by plague before then, and isn’t now. Has he forgotten the Terrible Plagues we are supposed to all have died of over the last few years? Oh, but those were viruses and antibiotics have no effect on viruses.

The Cameroid knows nothing about bacteria and antibiotics, as is evident from his fearmongering. Antibiotics are far from being the only effective treatment. In most cases, they just cure you faster than you would have healed yourself – but sometimes they save lives. If they had been reserved for cases where the infection was life-threatening they would still be useful. No, they have been dished out to get you back to work in one week instead of two. Too late now.

You know why antibiotics like vancomycin are ‘drugs of last resort’? They are damn well dangerous (and very, very expensive). You do not give anyone vancomycin unless it’s a choice between possible death and certain death. That’s why it’s not as widely available as penicillin. No drug company will make very much vancomycin because there isn’t much call for it except in the most dire cases. That makes it expensive and adds to the reluctance to use it.

I had a dose of penicillin once. An infected cut on my finger made it swell up like E.T’s so I was prescribed a gram a day of oral penicillin. The finger healed up but the world fell out of my bottom in the process. That would have been about 1991 or thereabouts and I don’t recall having another round of antibiotics after that one. Worst hangunder ever! Never again!

But as I said, antibiotics are not the only cure. I still have a freezer full of the Stuff that the doctors in the infection unit were delighted with. Unfortunately the money-changers were not so keen and put obstacle after obstacle in the way of a proper trial until we just gave up. Maybe their Pharmer bribes were just too much to lose.

The Stuff might be the reason I have never had a day off sick. I still take a dose now and then, more often if I start to feel a bit dodgy after a particularly violent curry or some eggs that were a week past their botty-explosion date. I take about a sherry-glass at a time and I still have about 20 litres, I think, in the freezer at the lab.

It’s not an antibiotic. It’s far, far cheaper than drugs. Salmonella and Clostridium difficile cannot become immune to it, it doesn’t work in a way they can become immune to. There are bits in it that stick to those bacterial cells and drag them out of the gut with the rest of the fibre, there is something (not precisely identified as yet, but it’s in there) that mimics, and sticks to, Cl. difficile toxin. Could I get Government funding for this? Could I buggery. I gave up trying over ten years ago.

It’s all been done commercially so it isn’t and won’t be published. And I can’t tell anyone precisely what it is because it is subject to patent and to commercial confidentiality. I can say that your Granny’s old saying ‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away’ was far more right than she could ever have known, and it did not depend on how hard you throw the apple. I can also say that I have given space in my tiny garden to two apple trees, utterly illogical given the small space I have available. You might think there is a reason for that. I couldn’t possibly comment.

There are no apples in the version of The Stuff that is frozen but it does work with apples instead of the fruit that’s in it. Not quite as well, but almost as well. It works best with the entire formulation – none of which would make Pharmers a penny – but the apple alone is a good thing.

All this talk of antibiotics is useless anyway. A bunch of loonies have just recreated the 2009 very-nasty flu virus and added the ability to beat the human immune system. What a good idea. Not.

Once I applied for a job working with Cryptosporidium, a protozoan that lives in water supplies and turns your arse into a power washer. I didn’t get the job, no big loss, I wouldn’t really have wanted the responsibility. It has an infective dose of one. One of these microscopic single-celled beasties, just one, and you will excrete more water than you contain. Your skin will absorb moisture from the air and pass it to your gut just to keep the flow going. You will dehydrate people by touching them.

They wanted to grow it in culture. Loads of it. To study it, you have to do that, but one culture dish could contain enough to wipe out a large city. In retrospect, succeeding in that project would have been tense at best.

It all puts me in mind of the oft-replayed ‘V’ speech. The line ‘I know why you did it. I kow you were afraid. Who wouldn’t be? War. Terror. Disease.’ and so on. It was how Chancellor Sutler took power and the means are all in place for that to happen. So who is it? Who is Sutler?

Cameroid? Hahahaha. Clegg? Might as well claim it’s Donald Duck. The Ed Miller Band? Couldn’t conspire his way out of a paper bag. Oily Al? Couldn’t sell me a used car, much less a totalitarian dictatorship.

The Cameroid and the others are a distraction, playing the distraction game and playing it with his cards held the wrong way round.

Did you know there is a movement to re-unite India, Pakistan and Bangladesh into one country? That is going to cause strife. Bangladesh has only gained its independence in recent decades and the split between India and Pakistan wasn’t much further back in time. They were set up and now it’s time to call in the chips.Time to fire up the highly profitable war machine again.

Who is behind it? Who is Chancellor Sutler?

In this, I think ‘V’ was wrong. I don’t think it’s anyone as obvious as an MP. No need. MPs are muppets, what we are looking for is the one with his hands up their arses.

The one who stays below the table.

The acceleration in distraction can only mean that the real Fat Controller(s) are close to being discovered. They are scared and are pushing absurdities out to keep the drones occupied.

This, I think, could be a good thing. It might mean the final exposure of all this shite is close at hand.

Still, if there is an outbreak of thought among the drones, it will spoil my fun in terrifying them.

But then every silver lining has a cloud.