The Rise of the Shattered Man.

Tomorrow the Horrible Earlies begin. I will be covering the Local Gadget Shop cleaning in the early hours and working in Local Shop until 9 pm, every day for a week.

The hours aren’t so bad. I’ve done worse – but I did it for £300 a day, not a fortnight. This does mean that Local Gadget Shop cleaner gets at least a week of his holiday and lets me know something very important.

If the manager can do it to him, she can do it to me. I too have holidays and flights booked, for the middle of August. I know she has given no thought at all to who will cover my time when I’m away and will – as she did this time – phone around the week before I leave desperately trying to find a mug to do it.

Local Gadget shop is easy. Two hours a day and pretty much all you do is hoover the carpet although there is at least an hour’s worth of carpet in there. No cafe, no bakery, no food spillages since they don’t sell food. The staff area and toilets – half an hour, maximum. The hoovering can be leisurely. And I get to look at what’s available in gadget land while I do it.

Mine is different. Six hours (variable) with spillages all the time because they refuse to insist on manual dexterity testing of customers and will not allow me to hog-tie every child entering the shop. Getting cover for me is a lot harder than getting cover for Gadget. I know she hasn’t tried.

So she has made my decision for me. It was time to think seriously about moving on anyway, I should really have done so after the first year but general laziness prevented it.  If she decides to cancel my holiday within a week of it happening, I cannot then work out the two weeks’ notice required on the contract (when I sign a contract I take it seriously). There is only one solution. I will have to hand in that notice at the beginning of August.

I’m on the lookout for a job starting in September. Nobody is going to hire me and let me take two weeks off at once but as I am visiting the parents for the holiday, it’s cheap and I can easily survive two weeks. Especially if I look to go a bit upmarket. With my newly-acquired retail experience I can take the game up a few notches now. Also I know that many places have been running on students who are all going to vanish back to colleges and university in September. Many places will be fighting to fill vacancies around that time.

Doesn’t have to be in a shop. There is a funeral director in town and I have the perfect demeanour for that kind of work. Hangdog gloom with a face to match. I bet all funeral directors start their day by reading the Daily Mail from cover to cover so they are actually envious of their clients by the time they get to work. Or maybe in an office where I can show them what office politics was like in my old world. The scheming and backstabbing at university level where IQ starts at about 140 makes every other office-politics game look almost childish.

There are many options available, more if I learn Polish.

I will, of course, warn Mopman of this decision since if he wants a week off he’d better take it before I vanish. However there will be no early warning for the area manager. Just that two weeks of notice.

The funeral director thing would be a real option if I could only get a suit made of this stuff.


Blogging will be light for a week, as will whisky consumption. I will double up next week.


3 thoughts on “The Rise of the Shattered Man.

  1. BLACK!
    Somewhere out there is a black tshirt with a black print on it saying; “I’m only wearing black until they invent something darker”

    I’m IT (retired, can you tell?)


  2. One of my work colleagues heard me saying I liked a nice Scotch and brought me in a bottle of “some shite he was given” which was gathering dust.
    Talisker 10 year single malt – cheers!


  3. XX The scheming and backstabbing at university level where IQ starts at about 140 makes every other office-politics game look almost childish.XX I am going to nick that. I MAY even give you a bye line, but NICK it I will! 😀 😀


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