The smoker war.

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A light hearted interlude to begin…

If Mrs. Queen gets to the age of 100, do we all have to send her a telegram? I will, if everyone else will.

What about His Royal Hubbiness? He’s nearly there. Picture the scene on Phil’s 100th birthday –

Mrs. Queen: “Happy birthday Phil. Oh, you must have heard that a hundred times before,” (girlie Royal giggle).

His Royal Hubbiness: “Never mind all that, woman, where’s my bloody telegram? Every Tom, Dick and Harry gets one. Where’s mine? No, hand-writing it on a napkin does not count. Get down the post office. Now.”

 

And now the serious stuff.

War in Syria, in Ukraine, in Israel, in Iraq, anti-Semitism on the rise everywhere because the Lefties want to kill all the Jews in the name of peace, civil unrest reaching global levels… and what is the pressing concern of the UK government?

That someone should fire up half a gram of leaf in a car carrying children. Seriously. That is their primary concern.

Children are one of the most distracting things to have in a car if you’re driving. There is a strong case for building in a soundproof screen between the front and back seats or for buying a pickup truck and a large cage to fit in the back. Then they’ll get fresh air delivered at 70 mph and won’t have to worry about the adults smoking in the front. The young are fast-moving so will have no trouble dodging the odd thrown-out butt.

There are many other things that can take a driver’s attention from where it should be – the road ahead. Handsfree phones do not work. I have been in a car with someone chatting handsfree and while both hands were indeed free to control the car, their thoughts and concentration were on the conversation. It was scary. Then there are car radios which are not like the ones of my youth (bolted under the dashboard with two Meccano strips and with no more than six huge buttons and dials to deal with). Now they can even pop up TV screens and have a million atom-sized buttons labelled in writing only ants can see.

Just a few examples of the things that can distract a driver. Should we really be adding a £10,000 fine if anyone burns a bit of a leaf in their car to all the things that can distract them now? This is just like the pub smoking ban. Unpaid enforcers.

Soon smokers will not be allowed to drive at all. We’re apparently at a high risk of suicide so we might just drive our child-free car into a school bus to end our misery and give at least fifty children cancer at the same time.

I have never, ever, contemplated suicide. Murder, often. Suicide, never. I could rewrite Omega Man as Marlboro Man. The last man left alive finds someone else alive. “Do you smoke? No?” Bang.

Oh, but the best bit, the ultimate, is the ‘third hand smoke is everywhere’ scare. I would love to claim credit for the idea that all grey dust is tobacco ash which started accumulating in the late 1500s and never degrades. The Mail does not mention my part in that game.

Even if you don’t smoke and never have – gotcha. Your pets and children are tracking four hundred years’ worth of smoking into your home every day and so are you. Every time you open a door or a window, the poison of smokers past gets in there. This is better than Freddy  Kruger. It’s not a dream. We can terrify you long after you have killed us all. And you antismokers will do it to yourselves.

Naturally, this will develop to where no smoker can sell a house or car to one of the Weak in case it gives them cancer. No matter. I’ll buy a smoker house and/or car. There are still enough of us to have our own economy. Hell, we already have homegrown and Man with a Van and have had both for years. The Smoker Home and Smoker Car dealerships are just waiting to happen.

This will also mean that employers will come under pressure to not employ smokers. Well, there are employers who smoke and who will have the pick of the intelligent, non-suicidal, non-psychotic, non-pompous and non-lumpy staff. They will do well but the government will pretend that the businesses full of hysterical girlie-men are doing better. Probably by propping up the hypochondriac horde with the tax money taken from those who think it’s all such a brilliant idea.

As with all wars our government think they are well prepared to win, they will lose.

Because, basically, they have no idea what they are doing.

16 thoughts on “The smoker war.”

  1. The trouble is, the claims have now become so outlandish that they’re starting to vanish up their own backsides and miss their targets (i.e. smokers and tolerant non-smokers) altogether. For example, any house over, say, 20 years old will almost certainly have had at least a bit of never-degrading, invisible, unmeasurable, undetectable ETS in it at some stage. So all the truly-gullible and terrified members of the general public simply won’t be able to take the risk of buying any house, anywhere, which wasn’t built after about 1990. And even then (THS being undetectable, invisible etc) how could they know that the vendor is telling the truth when they say that no-one’s ever smoked in the house, ever – not even once or twice? Even the vendors themselves might not know if their teenage kids had a few friends over that weekend that mum and dad were away and that one or two of them (ooh, naughty!) had a cigarette or two. The truly terrified will be reduced to the option of building themselves their own, hermetically-sealed, brand-new houses and staying there for the rest of their miserable lives, only ever able to exchange their homes for similarly purpose-built, sanitised dwellings with other similarly neurotic types.

    And what about all those pubs which have been obediently allowing smoking in their gardens or adjoining smoking areas since the ban? As former dens of iniquity and sin, they’re already contaminated by centuries of THS which will never go away, so what was the point in insisting on all those “safe” smoke-free pubs and clubs?

    Ditto cars. Even those brought brand new from the showroom will probably have more air passing through them in a day (given the way cars’ air circulation systems work) – containing, of course, never-degrading ETS that’s wafting around outside – that the average house does in a week. And that’s without the possibility that even if an owner was a non-smoker, they might just once, a few times, have allowed a passenger have lit up in their car. So they’d better stop buying cars, too.

    THS is one of those things which, if it runs its course, is likely to work out worst for the very people who most support anti-smoking. Divine retribution, maybe?

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    • Indeed, if a whiff of tobacco smoke drifts into your pristine new car while driving past a pub one sunny day, it is forever contaminated. Worthless. A smoker might give you a couple of quid to take it off your hands but that’s it.

      This could open up a whole mew level of terror for the drones.

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  2. Exactly the same tactics as the smoking ban in bars, get caught small fine, if the landlord failed to prevent, huge fine. The WHO even recommended a few high profile cases was desirable. This will happen again.
    Third hand smoke, virtually every home and building in the country will be infected, so no sales except to smokers and those with an ounce of sense.
    Last weeks award of 23 billion dollars against a tobacco firm in punitive damages in Florida, every government in the world has known since the surgeon general report in 1964 and done nothing to prohibit tobacco and have financially gained by exploiting addiction. Somebody should sue them. The tobacco control industry have known even longer and done nothing to prohibit tobacco and in fact have actively campaigned against prohibition. They too have financially gained. Criminal, Somebody should jail them. Guilty knowledge and greed.
    Nothing justifies the level of persecution now witnessed. I hope every politician, every health lobbyist, every tobacco control industry fanatic, every big pharma executive, every gloating bigoted arsehole rots in hell.

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  3. On Suicide (an essay as it’s turned out).

    Having done a quick study, nobody seems to know what’s going on. No ‘experts’ anyway.

    Perhaps, for a few people, tobacco has a negative mental effect, but I’m pretty sure the much higher rates of smoking among the mentally ill is because they perceive that it helps them (whether it does or not…) rather than they became mentally ill because they started smoking. All those very young children these days on the autism ‘spectrum’ and with ADD, etc., have been secretly puffing away since they were about two?

    I knew that there was a direct correlation between ever-declining church attendances since the 50s and increased youth suicide and this study reaffirms that people who attend church regularly are less likely to kill themselves. (even if it is likely on the wrong day as determined by Constantine to mark the ‘venerable’ day of the sun).

    But the map – which can be seen more clearly here – is very different to the one in the Daily Depression (I wonder what the suicide rate of Mail readers is?).

    For example of the 11 states with the highest suicide rates (dark brown), five of them are in the second highest tax band on the Mail’s map.

    That International Business Times article also suggests that owning a gun and being politically conservative-leaning increases chances of suicide.

    Well duh! on guns. But if someone wants to kill themselves they’d probably have found another way. Like my Uncle Bill who blew his brains out in Scotland about 30 years ago. He’d have found another way.

    As for conservatives, what’s that all about?

    Anyway, the article descends into an anti-gun tirade, “Without changes in gun ownership policies “the United States is poised to remain a very armed and potentially dangerous nation for its inhabitants for years to come”.”

    Unlike banning them and letting Obama and his successors turn the country into a (bigger) police state.

    There’s a link on the IBT article to a “Christian Post” piece where ‘studies show’ that attending services is the important factor, not just ‘spirituality’, but this links to another article on the same website where a ‘study’ claims the opposite is true for children:

    “Our finding of a strong relation between happiness and spirituality in children, but not between happiness and frequency of religious practice, suggests that spirituality and religious practice can be empirically separated,” claimed the researchers…”

    Yes; both ways, apparently.

    But the religious theme does make sense. You’re less likely to take your own life if you have faith – both in that you were specially created and faith in the power of prayer for the future if you’re going through a bad time.

    An article in the Guardian from this year says, “Research by Samaritans… have found that men at the bottom of the socioeconomic pile are at greatest risk [of suicide].”

    And those men, of course, are much more likely to smoke and be perhaps less religious, dare I say? I could be wrong.

    From patient.co.uk, “The link between poverty and mental health is well known.”

    Which came first? Obviously, mental illness reduces the chance of being able to get a (decent) job outside of politics and entertainment, hence poverty.

    I hope I’ve made the situation clearer!

    It’s so confusing I’ve probably made typos and logical fallacies, but I need some more diazepam after that…

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    • We have a total handgun ban in the UK to the ppoint whre Olympic pistol shooting teams have to go overseas to practice.

      It has made no difference at all to the criminals. Their guns were illegal to start with!

      The only difference is that now, the criminals know we don’t have a gun in the house.

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  4. II actually remember a former house owner visiting at an in-laws house after he sold it to them. he actually told them that if he had known that they smoked he would not have sold it to them. I told the ass if he wanted it back pay a hundred grand more than he sold it for and he could sell it to a little blue dwarf with a cunt on the top of his head for all we cared….

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  6. Harsh Leg harsh. The good people in government do not do their governing from London they reside in Brussels and Strasbourg.
    The Big Brother Show played out in London has been given their script and they are acting it out hence the in car stupidity dutifully propagated to the masses by the Big Brother Shows Magazine of choice The Chimp.

    Advice from here, http://hat4uk.wordpress.com/2014/07/24/the-truth-is-not-out-there/
    sound advice in my book;

    This is my advice from here on, and you can take it or leave it.

    * Read the MSM by all means, but be aware of the source and the agenda at all times

    * Go and talk to primary sources on the ground

    * Assemble the data and note where it departs from the spin

    * Ignore all lachrymose photography

    * Don’t listen to the words Establishment politicians emit, track their behaviour. It will nearly always show you that they’re lying.

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