Off to see the Wizard.

The back pain came back today, with a vengeance. So I finally gave in and went to see the medical mob. Seems I have either bruised a kidney, cracked a rib or both. The doc saw no immediate urgency since my blood pressure was normal, therefore I am not bleeding internally (I’d have known about it by now if I was).

A kidney bruise isn’t too serious, unless it swells up and they have to drain it. A cracked rib isn’t too serious either – but both those things hurt like hell and it seems I might have given myself both at once. The person who holds the record for ever inflicting the most pain on me is still… me.

This evening I will have to take the tour of the hospital; ultrasound this, irradiate that, poke the other thing and so on. It’s been a very long time since I was last in there which means they aren’t likely to remember me. I hope.

With luck I’ll escape this very night but if not, posting will resume as soon as I survive an encounter with the NHS.

There was one bit of good news. The doc didn’t ask me if I smoked. That, at least, is encouraging.

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16 thoughts on “Off to see the Wizard.

  1. Aww mate, sorry to hear you’re still in pain. Will you have to wear the gown with the curtains at the back? Won’t need no dog to pull them back …

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  2. Sorry you are in pain – constant pain really wears you down. Unfortunately I don’t like whisky but I find vodka a good pain-numbing substitute!
    Don’t want to worry you but once I was diagnosed with a serious condition they stopped asking me about my alcohol & smoking levels! 🙂
    Hope you recover soon.

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  3. Egad! Hospital! They are hell on earth. Last time I was in hospital was to have a hernia repair about eight years ago here in Greece. They didn’t ask me about smoking either, even though it was general anesthetic op (they aren’t really up to speed on medical stuff here). Also, the eight bed ward had a balcony where you could nip out for a smoke, comfy chairs provided. It was really quite relaxed. However, two days was more than enough. I signed myself out at the earliest opportunity, even though they wanted to keep me in for another day. Fuck that. I prefer to self-medicate. A litre of red wine usually does the trick.

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  4. I cracked a couple of ribs, I knew I did something that hurt, didn’t bother with hospitals as the only cure is rest. I fell off a ladder and my back really, really hurt = bruised kidney said the hospital. The only cure is very good malt. Oh, no I was wrong, the cure was not to go up a ladder again, it worked a treat !

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  5. Commiserations. A (super-powered) drinking companion who was a mental nurse, once said to me: “Don’t ever let the b’stad medical profession get you in their clutches. They get you in for a biopsy or something that excites them, and in 6 months you’re dead”. He and I are the only healthy people I know.

    For broken ribs, and sleeping, try wearing a t-shirt that is several sizes too small. It’s somehow comforting. Look for “hug box” here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_Grandin. Fascinating woman.

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  6. My nurse friend recommended 1 X 500 Ibrobrufen and 2 X 500 paracetamol taken together and it worked for me after a bad fall, didn’t feel too bad at the time but next morning I couldn’t get out of bed. Worth a try.

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  7. You’ll be out in double quick time – they can’t afford to keep the healthy in (hell, they can’t afford to keep the sick in!)

    All the best.

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  8. On the subject of the NHS and smoking, have you noticed the slight irony of using Al Murray’s “Pub Landlord” character as the face of the latest campaign?
    Possibly the only example of a pub landlord gaining employment due the antismoking campaign.

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  9. Best wishes. It might be worth trying those tens machines which ladies use in labour. The theory, as I understand it, is that the signals never get up your spine to tell you ouch, but I’ve never tried them.

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