ISIS takes on the ice kingdom.

Apparently ISIS have declared war on Russia.

Great move, guys. You already have America bombing you, among others, and soon you’ll have to contend with Russian bombers too. Well, you started it.

The timing of their statement of intent to fly the squiggly flag over the Kremlin is historically perfect too. Just at the onset of winter. Just like Napoleon and Hitler. The difference being that Napoleon and Hitler came from countries where they actually had a little experience of snow and ice. Not from a hot desert. Both Napoleon and Hitler thought ‘Oh, it’s just snow’. No. it’s Russian snow. Colder and deeper and thicker.

The Russians will do what they did last time, and the time before. Let the invaders come and let the winter wipe them out. Then pick off the last few stragglers.

ISIS are convinced they are going to win despite taking a hell of a hammering at Kobane at the moment. They really believe they will defeat Russia. As far as I recall, the only ones to bring down Russia were… the Russians. Then they turned it into a Communist hell-hole for many years but they still lived there because nobody else wants to. Nobody wants to invade Russia. It gets seriously bloody cold there. If you’re going to invade somewhere that cold, try Antarctica but do it quickly before Obama arms the rebel penguins.

The problem ISIS have is the same as all those previous holy-war nutcases. They genuinely believe God is on their side and if the creator of all… um… creation is on your side, you cannot possibly lose.

That belief leads to such supreme overconfidence that they will walk straight at the machine guns of the enemy. They cannot be killed, God is on their side and all those others of God’s creation are all God’s mistakes. Rejects. Miscasts. Bubbles in the moulding. It is the duty of God’s chosen ones to remove these unfit and unworthy creations from the world and God is going to help them every step of the way.

They really believe that. They are not the first, and won’t be the last. The Crusaders believed it too. Not too many of those around these days, are there?

Not many Viking Berserkers or Celts around either. They believed in predestination. If today is your day to die then it doesn’t matter how much armour you strap on, you will die. If today is not your day to die, you can fight naked with a sword and you’ll be fine.The logic is beyond circular. It’s spherical. It is also impossible to argue with.

After the battle: ‘Where’s Sven?’

‘Dead. It must have been his day to die.’

‘Well, he did charge the archers naked…’

‘If it wasn’t his day to die he’d still be here.’

‘But if he had worn armour he might still be here.’

‘Not if it was his day to die.’

It cannot break, no matter what you say. ISIS have this mentality. Same as the Celts and Vikings. Death while fighting for the God(s) sends you to eternity in Heaven/Valhalla/a lap dancing club in Chelsea, depending on your beliefs. God is on your side. You cannot lose and if you die trying you get to spend eternity with 72 internet Warcrafters virgins.

Oh yeah, Allah has a sense of humour.

Losing Kobane should break the mentality for many of them but not all. Many will think that one loss proves God is not looking after them. Some will just say ‘Oh well, it’s God’s will’ and move on to the next town.

A lot of those who stay will have doubts. They will be less keen to run at the guns and less confident of winning. When you set an army up to believe they can never lose, one loss will break them

Kobane could well be that loss.

If it isn’t, Russia will be.

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27 thoughts on “ISIS takes on the ice kingdom.

  1. ISIS talk a good fight. Think of them as a PR operation with a paramilitary wing operating in a political/military border zone, and suddenly their ‘antagonise everyone, but only pick on the little kids’ strategy makes (some) sense.

    Thanks to conflicting regional interests (Russia, America, Turkey, Iran) no single power has the free hand necessary to take them out. ISIS can, and will, commit all the local atrocities they can get away with in their backyard (NE Syria, NW Iraq), but won’t push against the big boys in any meaningful way. They’ll woof and chest-beat, lop off heads and sell into slavery, holler and threaten, but they wouldn’t dare step on the toes of anyone with an air force.

    IANAPMA (I am not a politico-military analyst). YMMV.

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    • No, the drones aren’t violent. Not once they pass through the Feral stage and become Citizens after education. The drones cannot conceive of any form of rebellion. They get that out of their system as teens, where they are directed against entirely the wrong targets.

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  2. Battalions of sheep dog trained wild boars, strapped with explosives and sent in their general direction, followed by a few squadrons of crop spraying planes filled with pigs blood would have the bastards shitting themselves so much, you could fertilise every desert in the middle east with the results.

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  3. I saw an ex-military guy talking on TV about how fighting Muslims was done years ago was carried out. The non-muslim side dipped bullets etc. in pig blood and strapped captured Muslims to the angry end of canons and then fired the canons. Apparently, the Muslims didn’t like this at all.

    Bringing things up to date they don’t like being killed by females since that robs them of the waiting virgin and pillows bonus level.

    If IS are fundamentalists they ain’t complain if fundamentalist tactics are used against them?

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  4. During islamist rebel unrest last century, things went awfully quiet in the Phillipines, I understand, when the local American head honcho employed radical tactics. From what I read somewhere on t’interweb he had all but one of a captured band of rebels shot with pork-fat coated bullets. They were then buried with an equal quantity of second-hand pork. The one survivor was sent home to tell his cronies what they could expect from the Americans; result? – it went very quiet. Now, of course, his feet wouldn’t touch the ground . . .

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  5. To be honest, the only reason that ISIS are having any success at all is because they have virtually free rein to move themselves and their equipment about at will. A number of fairly small but very mobile scout forces, amply supported by drones and long-range bombers, could put a rapid stop to this freedom of movement. ISIS also reckon to be developing themselves an air force, but this (along with their tank forces) are exactly what the NATO forces were designed to defeat.

    I would therefore predict that ISIS aircraft could well be termed kamikaze aircraft, as their expected lifespan will be just seconds if they encounter Western forces. It will probably be pretty short anyway, if any of the morons on their own side happen to have anti-aircraft weapons and assume that everything flying is enemy.

    Still, declaring war on Russia is the ultimate idiots’ move. Up to now, the Russians have had them pegged as a pest that might need eradicating at some point, but which is keeping the EU and NATO forces nicely occupied whilst their Ukrainian campaign plays out. ISIS taking the fight to Russia, though, is idiocy as this gives the Russians a perfect excuse to play the hero and wipe the floor with these fools

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  6. Didn’t the Russians try to invade somewhere colder in 1940? Finland I think it was. One Finnish sniper took out 400 of them. A lot of Russians froze to death. It didn’t go very well.

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    • Yes, in the Winter War the Finns thrashed the Soviets. Later, when Jerry was almost beat, Stalin sent in a very large, battle hardened force and reversed the result.

      May I put in a good word for the Crusades? They were in fact a reaction to Muslim imperialism. After the fall of the Western Empire, Europe was fractured and in a bad way, so that the Muslims were able to take north Africa, then Spain, and even southern France. As Lord Clark of Civilisation remarked, our survival was a near thing.

      Charles “The Hammer” Martel beat the Muslim armies at Poitiers and cleared the buggers out of France. The Spanish had to sort out their own Peninsula, and in the South resorted to a strategy of “Convert or leave: it’s up to you.” This is why the Dagoes formed a very stern version of Catholicism.

      The Crusaders fought in Spain, and while the Eastern Empire survived, also in Anatolia and Palestine, and in the Med. They lost in the end, and so did the Byzantines, the Greeks, the Balkans and the south of Italy. It needed two sieges of Vienna to hold the Muslims, and two or three hundred years to drive them back to Turkey.

      Sorry about the rant. Sometimes the Crusaders behaved very badly. However, on balance they were a Good Thing, and the PC crowd should be howled down whenever they suggest otherwise.

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  7. The Islam expansion was stopped on 11 September 1683 at the Gates of Vienna. That date has rankled with the brothers for the last 400 years (they do know how to hold a grudge !)

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  8. Apparently, the oft-quoted interpretation of the Koran is wrong: you do not go to paradise and get 72 virgins – you get one virgin, who is 72.

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