Mumblings from the pit

An overfilled Zippo lighter in the dark is like having a little piece of Hell in your pocket. As I discovered this evening.

It was dark on the way to work tonight. It made me feel all Count Dracula, which was nice. Work settles back into fewer days next week but still, I want to have the Halloween story ready for Friday. Just have to check the physics of it all.

The deadline for that story is so I’m on quick visits this week. Just a few fast blasts tonight –

France has a cutlure minister who does not read books and never visits the theatre. Only France could do that.

If you live under the NHS in Wales, your body is their property.

Electrofags should be sold in plain packaging. Even though nobody at all carries their electrofag in the box it came in. The packaging is of no relevance at all. Yet it is the latest Puritan target.

Poundland have fake-Lego models in mystery packs. You don’t know which one you’ll get. Plain-packaged Lego..

They have seen the future,

Back to writing for me…the rift is coming.

 

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10 thoughts on “Mumblings from the pit

  1. A zippo Is a small bomb no doubt. For extra and upping the anti a Zippo hand warmer is a larger concern. They work really well, employ the barest of technology and provide a heightened risk along with warm hands. It’s almost time to get mine out.

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  2. A zippo, and a beard like mine do NOT mix!

    Motorbike, M6. Broke down. I called the Emergency number on those cute Motorway telephone gubbins, and went back to wait. The ciggarette was barely dry, took my zippo out, and lit it…. JUST as a bloody big container truck flashed by.

    WHOOOMMPPPFFF! The whole right side of my beard GONE!!!

    BASTARDS!

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  3. There is actually a very, VERY simple way to comply with plain packaging rules and wind the puritans up to boiling point and beyond. Cig packets are sold wrapped in cellophane, with an opening strip around the middle of the pack. Just two changes to this would do the trick.

    Firstly, colour the cellophane a solid block of colour with the obligatory health warning on one side, and the brand on the other.

    Secondly, change the opening strip location from round the middle of the pack to longitudinally top to bottom of it.

    When you buy the pack, it is Puritan-compliant. To get at the ciggies, you have to completely remove all the cellophane wrapper, which reveals the not plain at all packaging underneath the original wrapper. To add an advertising gimmick, use a number of different pack designs, some rarer than others so you get a collectable thingie along with the fags.

    Since the puritan rules state that the warnings etc only have to be on the pack as sold, then all that goes on the cellophane wrap which gets thrown away the moment the pack is opened, thus completely defeating the puritanical message every time you open the pack thing. A neat solution, which will really piss these idiots off.

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      • Not only that, can you imagine the commotion on the news and daytime TV? I mean, you couldn’t buy publicity like that. What’s more the drones would be appoplectic with rage, and the publicity would be exponentential. It wouldn’t so much just go whoosh over their heads and come back for a fly by, it’d be a full on “Battle of Britain” jobbie with the Red Arrows, Spitfires and the last few Lancasters and a Vulcan…

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        • It would indeed be quite delicious, but you can bet your bottom dollar that the antis would find (or create) some small print that would make the tobacco company subject to prosecution and swingeing fines.

          Which is probably why it hasn’t been done.

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    • It sounds good but I think they want control of the insides too. Also, as Junicaln has often said, they want control of pack sizes. That’s more important to them than pack image because they can gradually reduce the ‘standard’ size but keep the tax the same.

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