The Hokey-Popey.

The Pope has declared that Halloween is evil. He wants to rename it ‘Holyween’ and have kids all dressing up as saints and praying. It sounds… very dull indeed.

No doubt they will go door to door and regale us with Gregorian monk chants until we throw sweets at them. They will then declare the appearance of the sweets a miracle although if you throw fish instead, a mackerel.

It sounds worse than ‘trick or treat’. I mean, they’ll be back in a month howling Christmas carols until we pay them to stop. Demanding money with monotones.

Ol’ Popey’s sidekick goes further. He declares that Halloween leads to an increase in demonic possessions.

Father Aldo Buonaiuto, of the International Association of Exorcists, which met in Rome at the weekend, said that a spike in demonic possessions in October is down to the phenomenon of Halloween.

I know the Greens want to take us back to the Middle Ages. Seems the Catholics want that too. Demonic possession? Look at the Halloween stuff on sale now. It’s worse than the Christmas tat. An enormous waste of plastic. The only enduring thing is the fake blood which could come in handy when cleaning Local Shop’s new bread slicer on Friday. The rest of it… no self-respecting demon or ghost would be seen alive wearing any of it.

Halloween does not happen until October 31st. It happens for one night. If there is any truth in the demon stuff at all, that one night is the time when the demons can get out. They do not get practice runs. The original Halloween did not start in September. One night. That’s all it is.

Having said that, October is now the month of the antismoker and the antidrinker. The demons might well be out in force. Then of course, there are the clowns.

Halloween is not a Christian festival. Neither are any of their other festivals, really, but this one is and always has been Pagan. Not the modern, Gerald Gardner Pagan. The proper, old ones, of which not much is really known these days.

What is known is that Samheim (the original name) was never about calling up demons. Those early Pagans didn’t want demons around. They were far more concerned with getting rid of them. Hence the bonfires (later shifted to Nov 5th thanks to the convenience of Guy Fawkes, to separate them from Halloween). They’d jump through the flames to ward off any demons that might be following them around.

It was never an evil festival. It was the start of winter, the start of a new year. It was a time to rid yourself of demons before the long dark nights let them take your soul. It was never a good time to call the damn things to you!

They were like that. The new day started when the sun went down. The new year started with the onset of winter. They liked to get the bad stuff out of the way first. A pretty sensible attitude, I’d say.

A random digression. Deosil and Widdershins were the terms used to describe the direction of movement around a circle. We would now say clockwise or anticlockwise but when those terms were invented, clocks hadn’t been.

We now have a generation who are used to digital clocks. Soon there won’t be anyone who knows what ‘clockwise’ means because there is no circle any more. Just changing numbers.

So, will they use the terms deosil and widdershins again, and wonder in the future what we meant by ‘clockwise’?

End digression, begin randomness.

Well, I’ll be out at work for Halloween and possibly at Smoky-Drinky after that so no scaring kids with my plastic body parts this year. They haven’t come here for the last few years anyway.

Seriously though. Holyween? What is this man thinking? Next he’ll want to change Christmas to Decemberween, right in the middle of nosmokingember and nodrinkingember and nopresentsember and capitalismbadember and all the rest of the things the Puritan Crackpots want to call every damn month until every calendar requires an entire tree’s worth of paper and you’ll need a ladder to see the charity nudes at the top.

None of those charity nudes ever show anything, do they? They aren’t all that serious about those charities.

Maybe I should make one. I could use my growing collection of nude celebrity photos. So far I have Sooty, Emu and Basil Brush, and I think I can get hold of images of Bungle and Zippy in a particularly sordid situation. It could be for my own charity, ‘Support the Distilleries’.

All of which has reminded me of something. I knew those words came from memories, not from pure imagination. It’s early yet but what the hell, shops are already selling five-pointed stars and sparkly garlands to represent intestines for the forthcoming sun-worship event now known as Christmas. So have an early Decemberween Mackerel on me.

That site has been silent for four years and it’s now livening up again. Hooray! Much timewasting… well not very much, so far, but there is hope.

But not so much for the Pope, perhaps. He’ll be a New Dementia Statistic if the Righteous get their way.



21 thoughts on “The Hokey-Popey.

  1. I as well have had no kid’s trick or treating for years. Which leads me to belive the world had reach the edge of its’ sorry state. When we were children, once you were big enough to walk without getting hit by a bus, (about age 7 or eight) you took off on your own for Holloween and scoured the streets looking for goodies. Parents these days won’t let their kid’s alone unless they are infected with ebola! They can’t let them walk alone for two blocks from school until they are in their forties (and generally still living at home). If these worried paranoids are allowed to breed, who will open the minds of the future?


  2. Halloween is not a Christian festival. Neither are any of their other festivals, really, but this one is and always has been Pagan.

    You’re right. I try to tell Christians, but they think I’m weird. They agree that Christmas is full of Pagan symbolism, but they don’t see the bigger picture as they celebrate their midwinter festival of revelry with their Christmas trees and 5-pointed stars atop and perhaps a Yule log underneath and images of Santa everywhere. They start the celebrations at midnight, the witching hour. Churches are rarely as full as they are at the midnight service.

    And you’re also correct that the day begins at sunset, which almost all Christians have given up on. As Genesis records, the nights came before the days. It’s why the Jews stop working at sunset at the start of the 7th day. And so should Christians. Sunday, as the day of rest, is one of the biggest heresies started by the Catholic church.

    After his alleged conversion to Christianity, the Emperor Constantine declared at the First Council of Nicaea in AD 325, that Sunday was the Empire’s day of rest. A few years earlier, he had made Sunday the day of rest to celebrate the “venerable day of the sun”.

    The Pope needs to sort that out and a whole lot of other things, but being the first Jesuit Pope, it ain’t going to happen. As for the ‘Reformers’!

    A week after Christmas, the same Christians are saying ‘Happy New Year’ to each other as they celebrate the start of the Pagan Roman year on 1st January at the witching hour again. Janus being the Roman god of beginnings and transitions.

    You couldn’t make it up!


    • I don’t think there’s an entirely pure religion in the world. They all assimilate the ones they take over. Makes it easier to take over if you let people keep some of their festivals – just with a new god.

      The trouble is, those old gods don’t always die out.


      • “Trouble is?” Now, I can think of a few places that could do with a good bit of old fashioned Thorrs wrath, Odinns pleasure, and Tyrs justice.

        Rotherham, or Sheffield, for example.

        Although, in those cases perhaps Frigga, Freja, and Skuld would be better choices. Women can do wrath so much BETTER when it comes to things like that. And the Mozys would not like it at all to recieve THEIR 47 virgins, with names like Sigrun, Brunnhild, Gretchen, etc.


  3. If you show your celebrity nudes you’ll be prosecuted under Section 63 of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008. A bloke called Andrew Holland, of Coedpoeth, Wrexham, Clwyd was prosecuted for having a video of Tony the Tiger from Kellog’s frosties in a compromising pose. You forget – no freedoms in the new (progressive) UK.


  4. Pingback: Mainstream Christianity: More Pagan than Christian? | Real Street

  5. We also have a rather splendid example of a devout and good man in Scotland in the shape of Jim Murphy. Jim facilitated the Popes visit to Scotland a few years back, by facilitating I mean he had the Scottish Taxpayer cover the costs of the visit. Thoughtful.

    No 40 days wanderings for Jim, or the Holy Father as some refer to him, oh no, only 100 days of wandering the wilderness that used to be the Labour Party heartlands. He levitated on two Irn Bru crates because there wasn’t enough room on just one for his large feet. You know what they say about big feet? They cost a fortune in shoes. He was egged on by one crowd mind you. He’s not about listening, he’s about telling and that’s telling in itself.

    He has had found it more difficult than others to resist taking his fair share of the riches available to the followers of Union and has been named and shamed by Westminster. Has he noticed or noted? Of course not. He has a life to live and £250K a year seems to be an acceptable renumeration.

    Nothing like a good bit of religion to guide his life. The arrival of Halloween will allow him to hit the streets again and to dress up for the benefit of his chosen audience.

    Isn’t religion a wonderful thing!


    • Jim facilitated the Popes visit to Scotland a few years back, by facilitating I mean he had the Scottish Taxpayer cover the costs of the visit. Thoughtful.

      Thoughtful indeed. I heard that the Catholic Church is down to its last fifty trillion, so they have to be careful, eh?


      • Ol’ Jimmy might not be an MP for long. The Scots have found their own protest party – next year in Wastemonster it might be UKIP on one side of the benches and SNP on the other.

        That would be almost like the old days, wouldn’t it?


  6. XX this one is and always has been Pagan.XX


    “Pagan” is only used by weak kneed cowardly pre-pubescent imbicilic bastards that want to scare their granny by dressing up like Marlyn Manson and doing something a bit “naughty.”

    Pagan. A TINNY word!

    HEATHEN! Now THAT is a WOODY word!

    Oh. And the ferstival held by the Sachsen/Wikinger/Germannen on this date (ish) is “Einherrjar ” (Spellings differ). A kind of rememberence day with PARTYS!


  7. At least Holloween and the kid’s voices shouting ‘Trick or Treat’ comes only once a year.

    All year long, nannies and leftist’s harass us with shrill shouts of ‘Doom and Gloom’ if we do not give them more of our money.

    It would be very nice if they were limited to one day per year on which to do their blabbering and ranting.


First comments are moderated to keep the spambots out. Once your first comment is approved, you're in.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s