Pole-vaulting the barracuda

Because this one needs a much stronger phrase than ‘jumping the shark’.

Rose has pointed out, often, that nicotine is not a tobacco-exclusive compound. Lots of plants produce it, including some we routinely eat. Tomatoes, potatoes, aubergines… all contain nicotine. Not a lot, but it’s there.

Then there is nicotine itself. It is, unless concentrated and swallowed, harmless. It is in fact a precursor to vitamin B3, nicotinic acid, renamed as niacin to pretend it has nothing to do with nicotine. Those tiny amounts in your chips are not harming you. They are helping you to not get pellagra. For any passing drones, look at your food labels. Niacin – nicotinic acid – is the reason you are addicted to food. Now you know.

The medical profession has totally lost sight of what nicotine really is and now pretends that it is a carcinogen (it is not) and a deadly poison (it is not). This is the medical profession that admits patients suffering salt deprivation to hospital and then puts them on a low-salt diet. The same medical profession that furrows its brow at anorexic children, wondering why they aren’t eating, and then sends perfectly normal children home from school with a note saying they are obese.

We really would be better off with a guy in a wooden mask shaking a gourd at us and saying ‘Wooga-wooga’, you know.

Especially since the medics now believe that eating certain vegetables is the same as experiencing second hand smoke. (thanks to @anjaffm on Twitter).

Second hand smoke is already total bollocks, of course. This has been extended to claim second hand smoke from Electrofag which produces no smoke at all, and now the drones will believe they can get second hand smoke from eating something that isn’t burned or vapourised or inhaled and which contains nothing toxic at all. They will literally die of nothing.

Why are the antismokers so keen to get rid of harmless food crops? Mostly because they are totally batshit crazy, of course, but if they are to find us smokers with a urine test, they will want to remove anything that could confound their test. Although I suspect the latter reason is unlikely. They really aren’t that smart.

I mean…

“The correlation between a commonly grown vegetable in India and passive smoking is among several exciting research papers that will come up for deliberations at the Congress,”

Exciting? Eating vegetables is the same as passive smoking and they call that stupidity exciting? That one line tells me that the ‘congress’ is going to be beyond parody. This is not a congress any serious scientist wants on his CV. In a very few years, having that on your CV would be more toxic to your career than turning up for interview dressed in a Halloween costume depicting a clubbed seal. (hmm… makes note for next year)

Oh well. We can use it to scare drones and point them to ‘real’ research to back up our ludicrous claim.

Might as well get some fun out of it all before they round us up for extermination.

I wonder if they’d dare to burn us?

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18 thoughts on “Pole-vaulting the barracuda

    • I’ve got to the stage now where nothing they come out with surprises me anymore.

      If they can seriously consider that ‘third-hand smoke’ is dangerous then they are capable of believing anything. The moon made of green cheese? Sure, why not, if someone can postulate that there is a connection between green cheese, full moons and teenage smoking rates. Repeat it enough times and it will enter the public consciousness as an indisputable fact.

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      • Boy oh boy. Brinjal happens to be nothing other than your standard issue Eggplant / Aubergine.

        So this here study’s bound to be of huge interest to the Greeks. How on earth can they possibly substitute Aubergines in Moussaka? And what about all those fantastic dishes accompanied by fried slices of the stuff.

        Come to think of it, they seem to have an inordinate fondness for Tomatoes and Potatoes as well. Those naughty, naughty peoples!

        (Reminds me of that scare they tried a while back that Tuna fish had the wrong oils that were considered awfully unhealthy. Methinks they – and the Japanese said a few things we couldn’t quite understand, however I believe it wasn’t terribly complimentary!)

        So fuckwittery isn’t restricted to the “developed” nations!

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        • I tried aubergine once. Didn’t like it at all.

          Yet if I am a nicotine addict, surely I should have wolfed it down?

          Maybe I’ll try growing it again and see if the leaves are any use for smoking…

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      • The moon is covered with a thick layer of tobacco ash. That’s why the astronauts had to wear full protective clothing. All that ‘no air’ rubbish was to cover it up.

        I think I can convince a drone of that one, if I flesh it out a little.

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  1. Firstly let me say that I like smoking and dislike the puritan mindset.
    However I believe that nicotine is poisonous (although not in cigarettes as the quantity is too small.)
    Firstly, Albert Speer as a prisoner said he kept a cigar in case he needed to top himself – the cigar, soaked overnight in a glass of water, would release enough nicotine to be fatal if he ingested it.
    This ties in with a piece of anecdotal evidence my grandfather reported in which he had seen a horse poisoned by drinking water (potato water as he described it) from a large cooking vessel which had been used to boil potatoes.
    Lastly, nicotinoid pesticides have allegedly killed most of the bees.
    NB smoking isn’t even addictive, that’s bullshit to make people buy patches. I can smoke 20 a day for weeks or months then stop for weeks or months if I want to save a bit of extra cash.

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    • Richard, Dosage is everything, breathing pure oxygen will kill you, drink enough water it will kill you, calcium, potasium and phosphorus will also kill you. Abstaining from any of the above will kill you.

      I’m calling bullshit on the “Horse” story, my Grandad was a “Horseman” (looked after all the horses used when deliveries were made by horse and cart at the local mill). He used to worm them by boiling up tobacco and giving them a drench with it.

      As for Albert Spear, he was more than likely brainwashed into believing the nicotine poison crap. I read on some anti smoking site (Subject was about “A puppy had cewn an electrofag and died of nicitine poisoning) and in this article it said that 7mg of nicotine was enough to kill an adult. I called bullshit on this, and to prove the point I swallowed a teaspoon full of electrofag juice. It tastes absolutely fucking awful, and make you want to wretch. (Just put a dab on your finger and lick it) There is absolutely no way puppies or a small child could ingest enough to kill them by swilling it down their neck like it was a refreshing glass of light ale.

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        • A single instance of almost anything can simply be chance: that poor horse may have just had a heart attack.

          Two in a row of something quite unusual begins to look real. Heh, I just had an adventure yesterday with a pretty gal setting up a bank account. She was trying to explain that she avoided electronic things because she had a “magnetic field” that broke them.

          Neither the two bankers involved, nor I, was taking her seriously.

          When it came time for her to “sign” on their electronic tablet, they set it up, handed her the electro-pen, and as she went to sign, the whole station went dead.

          OK, so what? Bad luck, eh?

          Yeah, right.

          The bank by this point was closing, so the four of us (me, her, bankers) went to the only OTHER station with pad that was set up for this at that point, AND IT HAPPENED AGAIN. At this point I think I caught the bank manager making the sign of the cross in the air while he was saying he’d never seen anything like this before and there was nothing he could do about it.

          We’re heading back there today for another try.

          If it happens again, I’m going to suggest that she go work for the Pentagon.

          – MJM

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  2. On the Daily Fail site now. Smoking causes back pain !!! FFS my recent CAT scan shows three disc bulges and trapped nerves that causes the most severe sciatica. This from years as a nurse and paramedic. So, stop smoking and the discs will magically pop back in and the nerves will be released leaving me in Nivana lol. Never read so much shite in all my life. Will it never end.
    John

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    • There’s also one that claims second-hand smoke makes you fat.

      So now that smoking indoors is banned, especially in restaurants, obesity is increasing.

      In the antismoker world, negative-correlation equals causation.

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