Sausages eat your liver.

So now we have to be told to cook sausages properly.

Sigh.

If anyone in my family cooks you sausages, they will be crispy on the outside and seriously hot in the middle. The idea of eating an undercooked sausage is appalling to us. Some cut the sausage in half lengthwise midway through cooking and cook the middle directly. Sometimes I do that too, especially if they are ‘cook from frozen’ ones.

If you have a piece of steak then it’s safe to eat it rare. Most of the time it’s safe to eat it raw, but rare is as far as I’ll go. Heat the surface, kill anything on the surface and there should be nothing inside unless the animal was diseased.

Take that same fine steak, mince it and make it into a sausage and I will cook it until the skin shatters. It is not safe rare.

Vegetarian sausages – same thing. They are not safe undercooked even though they have no meat in them.

Incidentally, don’t vegetarian sausages ‘normalise’ meat eating and turn veggies into carnivores? Do dildos turn gay women straight? Then why does electrofag normalise smoking? I think I now understand Twitter – I can bang one-liners on there halfway through a post. (end digression)

It’s not what the sausage is made of that’s the issue. It’s how it is made.

A steak is a chunk of cow chopped out as one slab of dead animal. The surface of that slab can get contaminated so you just have to cook the surface. In fact, you just have to get the surface above 80C and anything dangerous is dead. Unless the animal was infected, there is nothing to worry about inside the slab.

Any kind of mince results in the surface being mixed throughout the whole mess of stuff so anything that was on the surface can now be in the middle. The longer you store it, the more it grows.

It applies to veggie sausages too because that steak, when first cut, was uncontaminated. The bugs landed later and most likely came from the people involved in preparation. Make a sausage from fungus and soya and the contamination risk is exactly the same as if it was made of beef. Cook them right through.

Pork is a little different. Pigs get diseases we can also get, because they are linked to humanity via the intermediate species known as politicians. So pork should always be well cooked even if it’s a really big slab. Besides… crackling. You can’t get good crackling unless you incinerate the thing.

Chicken is very different. Salmonella isn’t so much a problem these days because the big producers use an oral vaccine delivered through drinking water. It wasn’t a problem in the old days because we used to cook it to the point where you could carve it with a sharp look, and Salmonella is only surface contamination.

Campylobacter, the one the news is shrieking about like it’s the new Ebola, is proving much harder to get rid of from flocks. It shows up when the chicks are three weeks old and nobody has yet worked out where the damn thing comes from. Probably bloody sparrows.There’s no vaccine yet. It gets into muscle tissue so it’s right through an infected chicken.

Fortunately it is extremely easy to kill. Just cook the chicken properly. Right through. Cut the skin on the legs so the legs can splay (if you have some kind of strange chicken fetish, keep it under control) so the heat gets into all parts. Every part, right through the centre, must get above 80 C to make sure. Basically, if you poke the skin with a fork and it shatters, you’re good to go.

Back to the pork sausages story.

If the Hepatitis E virus is in pork because the pig was infected then sausages are irrelevant. If it’s in the pig then it’s in pork chops and pork roasts and trotters and even in pig’s head brawn. I once made that in a jelly-mould shaped like a rabbit. A very cheap student food source, nutritious, tastes like crap. Better than tripe though. I think it was 80p for an entire pig’s head (about 1980) and the eyes stick to walls if you throw them. Lots of cheap food and entertainment too. I wonder if there are any students nowadays who could do it? Probably all too busy being Socialists who insist someone else do it for them.

I also tried cow brain. Also cheap, consistency like scrambled egg, not much taste but it did leave me with an urge to chew some grass and moo at people. They didn’t have the prion problem in those days. That only started when they reduced rendering temperatures to save cash… but that’s another story and would be a really big digression.

Concentrating on sausages and ‘processed pork products’ sounds like an agenda. But it’s the BBC! Surely they don’t have an agenda? Well no, you need a functioning thought process to have an agenda. The BBC push other people’s agendas as and when they are instructed by their Leftie overlords (the red ones or the blue/yellow ones, doesn’t make any difference any more).

Sausages are now deemed ‘unhealthy’ by people who have lived half as long as I have and have consumed nowhere near as much sausage meat, bacon, black pudding, Scotch eggs (not actually Scottish) or huge fat rinds off pork chops as I have and I am one of the over-fifties on no medication at all. It drives the NHS nuts. They will punish me soon with Williecam, narrated by David Attenborough.

“Here we are passing up the urethra. It’s not very far this time because the outside looks like an anorexic prune but – ah, here’s the bladder. Stained with peat and tobacco and lumpier than the bag of lumps we passed on the way here….’

They will keep going until they find something wrong with me so they can put me on the Stairway to Liverpool and stabilise their stats.

They will do that to every one of you too.

Sausage ads will soon be banned and sausage-sponsorship of sports will be denied. Football teams will not be allowed to have ‘Melton Mowbray Pork Pies’ on their shirts and all those ‘bacon’ Lolcats will be deleted.

I had to learn to make my own cigarettes. Now I will have to learn to make sausages.

Well, at least the ban brigade are increasing my skillset. A couple more years and I won’t need any outside help with anything at all.

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50 thoughts on “Sausages eat your liver.

  1. When I was briefly a vegetarian in the mid 1990s, I learned to make some fascinating food. One was veggie burgers. A 50/50 mix of veggie mince and cooked white rice, soy sauce (to colour the rice and add flavour), onion, seasoning and an egg to bind. Fry until overcooked (as I also do) and you wouldn’t know the difference in a roll with ketchup and salad.

    I should try that again after 20 years now that I’ve had to give up beef due to the halal issue.

    —————

    I wonder why there isn’t the same concern for the cheeeldren re. food as there is for the SHS myth. The utter junk that is given to children is astonishing. Rather than giving them the best quality of food available to make them grow big and healthy, total garbage is marketed towards them, like disgusting processed “chopped and shaped” chicken and turkey products made from mechanically-recovered scraps from carcasses once the good stuff has been removed – if you can call any meat from poultry pumped full of antibiotics and growth hormones “good stuff”.

    Then there’s the cocktail of chemical additives after slaughter, particularly polyphosphates, which, according to this study, give Campylobacter a better chance of survival: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22004823

    If anything should be in plain packaging – the colourful designs which surely do influence children – it is these insane products. They should be in drab green packaging, the majority plastered in warnings about food poisoning, antibiotic resistance, how the ingredients were recovered, obesity, etc., etc. and all the products in a standard shape and size. Definitely no dinosaur-shaped ones, although they are appropriate, as this sort of garbage will help humans become extinct.

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    • “I should try that again after 20 years now that I’ve had to give up beef due to the halal issue. ”

      I am going to regret asking, I know, but what ‘halal issue’?! You’re so not Muslim as far as I can tell -nor Jewish. Do you keep to the New Testament ‘blood laws’ as the Adventists do?

      And back in the 80s I was a vegan…simply cos all the hot girls were, and living in Communes/Squats meant cooking one dish that all could eat. I remember when the first Tofu Burgers came in…I actually quite liked them…but then again I also liked TVP so my tastebuds must be fucked.

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      • Why regret it? It’s a fair question. I don’t eat meat that has been sacrificed to other gods. There’s no way of knowing these days how your supermarket meat was killed.

        There are many good veggie/vegan dishes.

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            • I have versions of it. Because of the beard, I tend to get away with this one more than you may “Is that Halal?” “Oh YES!”, “well I don’t want any of that crap, shove it up your arse!”

              I do the same with other things; “Is that product salt reduced?” “Oh, yes, all perfectly healthy!” “Then fuck off and get me some REAL food, with SALT in it!”

              Sugar, loads of E-numbers, “Had that got monosodiumglutimate in it?” sort of thing. All can be played upon in the same way.

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        • “Why regret it?”-SC

          Because you tend to profess a lot of beliefs that I can’t find in any copy of the bible I know. This (the abstention from Idol -meat) is however extremely ‘Original’ Xian/ 1st Century gentile Believer of you and well grounded in scripture.

          Back when I still said ‘grace’ I always took the view that praying over the food ‘rededicated’ it to the Lord and so I could eat it without worrying. These days I tend to follow Paul on it and just eat; “7 But this knowledge is not shared by all. And some, by being accustomed to idols in former times, eat this food as an idol sacrifice, and their conscience, because it is weak, is defiled. 8 Now food will not bring us close to God. We are no worse if we do not eat and no better if we do. 9 But be careful that this liberty of yours does not become a hindrance to the weak. “

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  2. I do wish you wouldn’t keep going on about vegetarians – you might get some of them to give up veggies and go back to meat, and that would ruin my food bank plan. I’m counting on lots of vegetarians to provide my protein requirements when the inevitable food shortages hit (it doesn’t do to eat carnivores apparently, although I can’t remember the reason). As long as you cook them properly, and carefully avoid contaminated areas such as the brain (fortunately a very small organ in vegetarians), vegetarian meat, also known as “long pork” is highly nutritious, easily sourced, and often comes with additional benefits, such as clothing, cash, cars etc (I was always taught to use every available part of an animal, and not to waste anything).

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve taken your advice from previous blogs on food issues and I now have a spiked temp gauge. I use it on all meat and chicken stuff. 80 degrees and good to go. My wife uses it on occassions when she cooks. Simples.

    I’ve not tried it on a chicken yet but I know where the probe goes to make sure it’s all cooked.

    So cheers Leggy and thanks for the advice. You are a hero.

    You mentioned Socialists? Are there any left? Hah! Slight pun there. There are NANE left. Well maybe some. When I was leafleting during the Yes Ref I met a few. They get angry really quickly. They aren’t happy bunnies. I had one at the door canvassing. She asked me who I was voting for. I suggested it wouldn’t be the NO people as they were all Tories. I also suggested that Labour had, had years to put thing right and hadn’t. Like Greenock for example. She didn’t like that at all. Tory, Red Tory. She flounced offin a practiced manner.

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    • Judging by recent polls, Labour canvassers are getting a lot of flouncing practice.

      Yes, get the centre of the meat above 80 C and anything dodgy is dead. If it’s a solid cut, not mince, 80 C is actually overkill (other than pork and chicken but what the hell. It just makes it easier to carve and eat.

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  4. ??? What’s with all this cooking stuff?

    I LOVE raw sausage, and raw mince, whether cow or pig, is on sale here ready wrapped in bread rolls and a bit of plant matter to eat for breakfast.

    EVERY butcher/Sandwich shop has Hackpeter, and they are normaly the first to be sold out!

    Pigs liver ALWAYS raw! Same with Kidney.

    Oh, and Leggy, don’t wasrte the pigs eyes by throwing them at walls. They are the best part of the animal! You can REALLY taste the PORK with the eyes. (The only part, besides the brain, that are NOT good to eat raw.)

    Get about ten or twelve of them, and cook them as you would for steak and kidney pie filling. (Serves one person.) Or deep fry them in batter.

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  5. The Germans, for whom pork is a religion (they show the same reverence for the whole animal that Brits reserve just for Bacon) have something called “Zwiebelmettwurst” which is basically raw mince or Steak Tartare (or “American Steak” if you have the misfortune to be Belgian). Back in the day, my idea of breakfast was fresh bread rolls covered in real unsalted butter and with a 1cm layer of Zwiebelmettwurst on top with a couple for raw onion rings (2 of my 5 a day) and a pinch of coarse black pepper to counteract the vitamins in the onion. Proper-real-made-from-real-beans coffee and cigarettes so strong they would now be classed under the Dangerous Drugs Act.

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      • You are no doubt right but I always found fresh made to be distressingly free of chemicals and additives -a growing ‘Bub’ (‘boy’ pronounced ‘boob’)needs his E-Numbers and estrogen to counteract the Uber production of testosterone caused by all those beautiful German Maedchen (girls).
        Also the long chain polymers complimented the coffee and filterless Roth Haendle/Eckstein Nr5/Ernte23/Reval.

        That’s my excuse anyways.

        Oh btw, for the Brit Speakers among us; “Zwiebelmettwurst” and “Hackepeter” are pretty much the same thing- although purists like FT might disagree. They are basically steak tartare with onions and garlic.

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    • “As someone who has suffered from FABS (F**cking Angry Bowel Syndrome) his whole adult life…”
      “Back in the day, my idea of breakfast was fresh bread rolls covered in real unsalted butter and with a 1cm layer of Zwiebelmettwurst on top with a couple for raw onion rings (2 of my 5 a day) and a pinch of coarse black pepper to counteract the vitamins in the onion. Proper-real-made-from-real-beans coffee and cigarettes so strong they would now be classed under the Dangerous Drugs Act.”

      Surely you should be the Unblocked Dwarf?

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  6. The BBC went up in my estimation last week when they announced – via the Breakfast Show on R2 – that the best food was fried bread! Don’t worry, though, next week they’ll be telling us that it’s bad for us.

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    • I heard on the radio, a while back, some DJs denying the existence of fried bread. It is the best thing ever!

      These days though, you cannot make it properly with olive oil or the like. It has to be lard. Or bacon fat. Hard fat, or it soaks into the bread too fast.

      Good, crunchy fried bread with brown sauce is a delight that the new generation will rarely, if ever, experience.

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  7. There is only one friend I trust to barbecue sausages because he does cook them thoroughly as do I. I often split them and shove ’em back under the grill for another two minutes.
    Prions? I’m still a Slow Virus man as Pruisner has never explained how you get strains of scrapie inducing particles, which has been known for ages. You surely cannot have ‘strains’ of a prion protein.

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    • I’m still on the fence with prions. Sure, proteins can me made that stack themselves and get in the way but DNA somewhere must be coding for them. If it’s in the genome, we could find it with today’s science. If not, then it must be in a virus. Bacteria are too big to hide in the brain so it’s genome or virus.

      You can’t catch a protein.

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        • It’s notable that the rendering temperatures were not reduced in Scotland… which didn’t have the same problems.

          That temperature was killing something. Nobody thought to put the temperature back up though. That would cost money, rather than only lives.

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  8. “Incidentally, don’t vegetarian sausages ‘normalise’ meat eating and turn veggies into carnivores? Do dildos turn gay women straight? Then why does electrofag normalise smoking?”

    Very interesting question for putting the anti-tobacco types on their heels.

    There is also this;
    “If abortions should be allowed because it is a woman’s ‘Right’ to decide what she wants to do with her body, should not the use of salt, sugar, fatty foods, booze, and tobacco be considered just such a ‘Right’?

    Liked by 1 person

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