Offended by nothing.

Katabasis passed me this one on Twitter.

In an interview, Farcebok Man explained his eternally grey shirt by saying, essentially, that he could not be bothered deciding what to wear so had a lot of grey shirts. Put one on and go to work.

I’d have answered differently. ‘You know how some people have underwear that’s green with ‘Monday’ written on it? Well mine is brown with ‘February’ written on it – and this is a white shirt. I’ve had it for three months, soon be time to scrape it off and get another one. Next year I might buy new socks’.

He didn’t though, he just said he couldn’t be bothered with ‘frivolous’ things like what you wear when you’re at work. He did not mention women. There was no ‘tits oot fae the lads’ logo on his shirt. There was no logo at all. Nothing to offend anyone.

And yet there is Outrage! at the fantasy-implied attack on all women who aren’t in dungarees and driving trucks on ice roads while chewing tobacco with rotted teeth, spitting it in the eyes of polar bears and combing their hair with a seal’s ribcage.

He wore the most inoffensive shirt possible. It wasn’t even black or white. It was grey. With nothing on it at all, not even washing instructions.

Ah, but it was A Shirt and now that the Shirt is All, shirts must be banned. Fat pale blokes with boobs bigger than Barbara Windsor’s will have ‘This is what a feminist looks like’ tattooed across their mountainous abdomens by Taiwanese tattooists pid 60p an hour. They will use three-inch nails, a stout hammer and a bottle of Parker’s Ink.

This simply proves that the whole Shirtstorm was fabricated. It was pretend offence. They can take just as much offence at a plain grey T-shirt.

These people are idiots.



36 thoughts on “Offended by nothing.

  1. That sounds like a brilliant sartorial strategy. Call me old-fashioned or a fuddy-duddy, but I do feel that businessmen ought to wear a tie at important events. Orlando Bloom shows how you can sport a grey shirt and grey tie, although he could do with your seal comb:

    Even worse are politicians who wear a smart shirt but without a tie to try to look cool and get down wiv da kidz, innit? So vote for my posse when you’re a bigga nigga (it’s cool to use the word spelled like this).

    You could be even more mega cool with a grey baseball cap with your name on:


    • The ‘cool’ look will never work for politicians. They are supposed to be running an entire country. We want serious people to do that, not yuppies.

      It works for scientists because scientists are supposed to be a bit mad anyway and aren’t supposed to be in charge of anything that affects daily life.

      The turnaround has not been a success.


  2. People get hostile when you tell them the truth. Most women are tricked by, and waste huge sums of money on, sweet FA. For instance; those tubs of gloop to hide the “seven signs of ageing”. What signs? The only signs I’ve noticed in my own ageing process – hairy ears, fewer teeth and a tendancy to say “things weren’t like that in my day” – aren’t fixable with the cosmetical cure. Ageing can’t be reveresed. Men don’t care, but women do.
    The ancient female drive, as homeowner and mother was to collect resources, ie animal furs for European tundra winters,. This drive still exists, a relic of our hunter/gatherer hand-to-mouth past, and has been hijacked into buying clothes. It is vestigial behaviour, it’s hoarding and nowadays irrational. Steve, in pointing this out by being free of the “tyranny of things”, made himself a target. He was showing people that they’re wrong; never a wise course in general and never – in particular – with women. Those in business are particularly strident, being more careful ie paranoid about their outward appearance due to the fact that they aren’t as successful, generally speaking, as men and that – unlike men – they look worse as they get older. They are less of an asset the more they grow to resemble the old woman who lived in a shoe, and they know it!
    I might be wrong but I would be surprised and delighted and fillef with admiration if any woman feels so secure in her position that she can ditch the wardrobe, shoe collection and cosmetics and wear a simple, grey-shirt ensemble. Do that for a year and see how successful you are or if you still have a job, even.
    Sad to say that you won’t and can’t, which is why you are envious of someone who does and can.


  3. The pedant in me would respectfully point out that Tawian, Republic of China, is a high-wage, high-skill economy, not to be confused with the nearby People’s Republic of China, a developing economy.


      • China considers it to be. Taiwan (known as the Republic of China) lays claim to the entire mainland! You can tell the difference between products from a free market economy and a commie one by comparing Taiwanese with People’s Republic products. In my line of business and with experience, I stick with the Taiwanese products where possible.


  4. Bottom line is some of the morons out there have lives so devoid of anything that they have to feign outrage. Inadvertently Zuckerberg through his own media platform Facebook has helped to perpetuate this nonsense.

    And some people these days are so weak willed that they are actually told to be outraged by idiots like the Daily Wank. How on earth has it been allowed to be like this?


  5. Just posted on “her” page;

    XX Ellie Krupnick
    Ellie is Mic’s Lifestyle Editor. A former style and fashion editor for The Huffington Post, XX

    In other words, another example of a stupid, shallow bitch who should be at home ironing her husbands shirts and getting the kids supper ready, instead of running around pretending she is something important because she is paid to write sensless crap.

    See how long it remains up. (As the Bishop said to the actress.)


  6. If I were a dyed-in-the-wool computer wizard with a distinctly casual approach to work clothes, I’d probably describe as ‘silly and frivolous’ the sartorial practices of many office-based males, from the carefully gelled hair and the topiary of ‘designer stubble’ to the artfully chosen accessories and ‘male grooming products’. (A handy collection of examples can currently be seen on BBC1’s ‘The Apprentice’.)

    To assume the comment is an attack on women is surely sexism of the first order – in any case, as Richard pointed out, it’s nowhere near as offensive as the insults (and ostracism) the strident lipsticked harpies heap on the heads of female colleagues who choose not to wear make-up.


  7. “And yet there is Outrage! at the fantasy-implied attack on all women who aren’t in dungarees and driving trucks on ice roads while chewing tobacco with rotted teeth, spitting it in the eyes of polar bears and combing their hair with a seal’s ribcage.”

    Also known as Diesel Dykes.


  8. The thing this, and #shirtgate, brings to mind for me is how nobody (particularly women) now ‘dresses their age’.

    The cult of perpetual youth has taken an irreversible hold, with middle and older aged people dressing (and acting) as if they were still teens.

    Oh, I’m not disparaging a persons freedom to ‘look stylish’ (whatever they may think that is) but can’t some see that ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ is anything but? (Look at that Theresa May [but probably doesn’t], someone ‘well into’ middle age poncing around dressed as if she were a waif thin catwalk model of 14 [or a ‘Professional’, I struggle to tell the difference nowadays] – she just looks silly/sad/desperate, and that is the norm today).

    Here’s a man who still wears ‘exactly’ what he would have worn when he was twelve and playing D&D in his parents basement (or am I going back too many years?) and the the ‘controversy’ is not that he’s dressed as a teen but the colour of his T-shirt.

    Is it yet more a sign/symptom of the inability/refusal to grow up?

    Me? I spent most of my life in uniform so struggle to wear anything ‘noticeable’ (ie. Not black or green – mess dress made me feel like a target). I just (purely for research purposes) inventoried my wardrobe and I … Oh no! I’m wearing my dads clothes (trousers, shirts and jackets, suit and tie for smart and designated acceptable-for-old-persons combat/hiking type clothing for slobbing/normal wear – none of which I would ever have worn even ten, let alone twenty, years ago. I’m looking around for a supplier of cardigans, slippers, pipes, and trousers-that-fasten-under-the-armpits for after my next birthday – any tips?).

    It used to be that there were distinctive changes/mile-stones in dress and how someone acted, reflecting the growth/maturity and responsibility of the person. Now? There’s just one, and that’s that of a pre-pubescent bad/Sk8er Boi/streetwalker. Seeing obviously 60+ ladies/men dressed and acting (saggy or too-tight jeans, tatts and piercings) thus just makes ‘me’ feel old. Sigh! Now you kids get off my lawn.


      • ‘A’ woman?

        Did you ever see ‘Bedazzled’? There’s a scene near the beginning where Brendan Fraser is taken to a club with masses of hip-young-things dressed in slinky, fashionable almost-nothings, gyrating their bits. Later he goes back, minus the ‘glamour/spell’ and sees them as they really are, a bunch of saggy, wizened and decrepit old biddies/codgers … but dressed in exactly the same stuff … and they’re still gyrating.

        Now ‘that’ is exactly what it’s like here … all of them … all the time … and I don’t even get the distraction of Elizabeth Hurley in a red, leather catsuit – it’s just not fair!

        I’d say it had driven me to drink … but I walked there long before I got my driving licence.


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