Cheap scares

Internet is buggered again so I’m writing this in Notepad to paste in later. This ISP is heading for a big change of customer base, and soon, at this rate.

Limited chance of links because I can’t get at any but there was a link from The Morrigan on Twitter that I will try to paste in later. [success!]

That Westminster place in America lost their chance to ban tobacco completely. The tide turned a little bit more, but the tsunami of Puritanism isn’t over yet.

Tonight then (or today, depending when when the ISP stops pissing around) here are two films from Poundland.

First up is ‘Vampire’ aka ‘demon under glass’. If I manage to get a link it will appear here (the cover is different).

The plot is brilliantly novel. The American military catch a vampire and experiment on him. The police, meanwhile, think they are just chasing a serial killer and are most miffed that their prime suspect has been nabbed by what they assume is the FBI.

It follows a lovely line of thought. Those experimenting on the vampire have to wonder whether they are becoming more monstrous than the thing they are experimenting on. Some of the things they do are out and out torture. Yet it is an evil monster – isn’t it?

The actor playing the vampire is excellent although some of the other actors would make the Woodentops look Shakespearean. As for the dope who took most of the film to link the ‘serial killer who drains his victims of blood’ with the vampire in the box upstairs… well, he’s a modern medic so you can’t expect too much thought.

Overall though, it was an enjoyable film. Some dodgy bits but mostly very good. And I did like the ending although I think the vampire missed a trick.

Second up, ‘Zombie Hunters‘. Again, if I get internet in time, here will be the link.

Well, okay, military experiments to make a rapid-healing serum result in bringing the dead back to half-life, so far it’s pretty standard. Effects are a mix of green-screen and CGI but aren’t bad and are often very good. Acting is pretty much appalling throughout. The one playing the git must surely be really a git because he’s the only believable one.

It did appeal for one reason. It has a future population in walled-in cities. Not to keep anything out – to keep them in. I have that in Panoptica. It stems from the Agenda 21 demand that most of the world is left to nature and for the rich to play in. This film has people allowed to see nature through virtual reality, but I don’t have that part. This film requires it so that the characters want to go outside. I have a different take – my characters don’t want to go outside.

The story itself was pretty good, especially the zombie wearing the bulletproof helmet. As in most zombie stories, you can only put them down by shooting them in the head. This was a nice twist and the solution was pretty clever too.

It does not say where the 2000 corpses in unmarked graves came from but when you look at what they are wearing, it’s not hard to work out. Think pyramids…

Anyway, at Ā£1 each, I recommend trying both films. The vampire one is the better one by far but both are definitely worth a pound. It’ll cost more for the whisky you need to watch them.

Another thing Poundland have taken on is e-juice. One pound for 5 ml of 18 mg juice made by ‘Cloud9’. They have a very limited range of course but one of them is ‘Virginia Tobacco’ flavour.

Now here is something I can test. I have a bag of Virginia tobacco leaves here. I can make a pure Virginia real-smoke and try it against an Eletrofag loaded with the juice.

My current smoking habit consists of blending [mild] Virginia with [strong] Burley to get to a strength I like. The last batch of Burley was very strong indeed so I’ve been putting more Virginia in the mix.

Electrofag comes in many wonderful flavours but the one they have not got right is ‘tobacco’ flavour. It is impossible to get that right. It’s like ‘whisky’ flavour – there are hundreds of them. Someone who likes Silk Cut is not going to appreciate a ‘tobacco flavour’ that tastes like Dunhill, and that is nowhere near the extremes.

So if ‘Virginia Flavour’ works out, then all I need is a ‘Burley Flavour’ that also works and I can blend Electrofag juices to my own preference.

If electrofag companies came out with all these different individual tobacco flavours and a chart telling you how to make the equivalent of Silk Cut or JPS or Benson and Hedges… they’d win hands down.
They would of course need the tobacco companies onside to do this, and unfortunately most of them have made their hate of real tobacco very clear because they thought it would ingratiate them with the Puritans. Hahahaha!

I think I should push those extraction experiments forward. There is a gap in the market here that cannot be realistically filled by anyone other than a neutral in this game.

It would wipe out the ‘tobacco flavour’Electrojuice in a flash, and if handled correctly it would attract a lot of tobacco company funding.

This time next year, Rodney, we’ll be millionaires.


18 thoughts on “Cheap scares

  1. For a nice take on zombies, and for that matter vampires, the Laundry series by Charles Stross is hard to beat. The basic premise is this: there exists a section of government which is seriously secret, and which deals effectively in mathematical magic. This universe is simple enough, but it isn’t the only one out there, and certain mathematical operations cause information/energy to leak.

    These leaks can be detected by various alien intelligences out there, which can be carefully, very carefully manipulated into doing useful things for us here. Carefully, because they have a hard time differentiating between “Hello, good morning” and “Free buffet, eat all you want”.

    This government department does have some unusual features. Dying in service here is not the end; you merely get transferred to Residual Human Resources, and put onto the night shift or onto menial work that might kill normal humans. The work is classified under section three of the Official Secrets Act; that section is its self classified as well. Also, a series of events known as CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN are happening, and certain countermeasures to the expected invasion of mind-eating horrors from beyond spacetime are being put into place.

    Ever wonder why the government is so keen on CCTV cameras all over the place? This says why:


    • Why are we bothering with fracked gas when we can just use fart gas?

      It would be easier and cheaper to install gas-collection and purification at every sewage works in the country. Also on top of farm slurry tanks and even small ones on septic tanks. An endless supply of gas. It’ll never run out as long as enough people are full of shit.


      • The Houses of Parliament need Ā£3bn of work to stop it from falling down apparently. Install a collection operation there, it will pay for itself and then some.


        • Yes indeed, it’s an easy and inexhaustible source of energy too. Anaerobic fermentation requires no fancy equipment, purifying the gas isn’t hard and the waste from the fermentors is fertiliser.

          It should be a Green dream come true. Funny they don’t seem all that interested.


          • It does seem strange, you would expect them to have thought of it first.
            Mind you, they don’t seem to like people much so probably didn’t want to consider human waste as a renewable resource.


            • The Greens want to almost eradicate humanity – which would mean a power-generating system based on a steady supply of human waste would conflict with that plan.

              It would also negate the need for genocide, which they are quite looking forward to.


  2. This reminds me of two old Stephen King short stories. One was Quitters Inc I think. Basically an advert was placed that claimed giving up smoking was guaranteed. A smoker signed up and then was watched secretly. If they smoked again I think it was their wife had a finger chopped off. It’s worth a read.

    The other was about people who went out for a fag at work and stood about chatting as they did. They began to see that passersby weren’t all human. Only smokers could see them.

    I’m sure there are thousands of similar tales out there.


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