Sell sell sell.

(Note, Bob Gelding is in this one so there will be lots of swearing otherwise he won’t understand it. It’s in his native language, fuckanese)

Malcolm McDowell has been in some great films. ‘A Clockwork Orange’ might be his best known especially as it seems to be coming true but a firm favourite of mine is ‘O Lucky Man’. Not least because the soundtrack is by Alan Price.

Also because it is a tale of a touring coffee seller. Yes, that is really its basic premise. However, on his way he meets absurdities Salvador Dali couldn’t have imagined. If you haven’t seen it (shame on you!) there is a nice 10-minute summary on YouTube. It really doesn’t give the story, just a few key clips. You’d have to watch it all to put them together.

Songs like ‘Sell sell sell’, ‘Poor people’ and ‘Justice‘ really hit home in the modern world.

Songs like ‘Do they know it’s Christmas yet again even though we’ve told the dull fuckers three times before fer fucksake give us yer fucking money and then fuck off’ by a one-time songsinger who used to be fairly good, on the other hand, just twang a violently twisted nerve.

Applying this song to a largely Muslim part of the world to whom Christmas is as relevant as Saturnalia is to Christianity is beyond silly and borderline (in modspeak) offensive. While council twats all over the UK deny Christmas in case it offends the Muslims who don’t care about it, here is Hairy Bob singing ‘Do they know it’s Christmas?’ Well of course not, you small-dicked shrew. Your Leftie pals are denying its existence. Duh!

Oh, and Bob, no you can’t fix it. The cure for Ebola is not money. And buy a fucking comb, you scruffy waster. I can afford to have two and I’m a fucking part-time janitor, you fucking  fucker, for fuck’s sake. Give me your fucking money. How’s about that for a new approach, eh, Bob? I doubt you like that idea very much, somehow.

Do you think Bob was brought up on Derek and Clive? I am increasingly thinking so. Then again, I was brought up on fucking Derek and fucking Clive and I don’t fucking swear anything like that fucking scruffy fucker.

Maybe it’s the combed hair. Brings order into your brain. Bob ‘exploding head’ Gelding might want to try that. Then again, combing his hair will probably need a three week risk assessment and a barber in a HAZMAT suit. And Rentokil on standby in case something crawls out.

There has been criticism of Bob’s rehash of a song for poverty into exactly the same song for an incurable disease. What next. Bob? ‘Doesn’t the impending asteroid strike know it’s only five months to Christmas, the rocky racist fucker? Oh wait, it’s landing on white people so it can’t be racist after all’.

Bob, you know, if you ever had a wash you might find out you’re white too. You honky racist fucker.

 One of many criticisms of Bob’s recycled ‘Song about Nothing’.

Bob says criticisms of his Righteous warblings of the same shite over and over again are ‘bollocks’

Interesting that he uses the coarse word for a gland involved in the generation of new life as a support of his raising of a  long dead song.

But then he is Fucking Bob. Not Fucking Craig but Fucking Bob.

Bob Christ. The one even the alternative Kafka version of the Bible keeps quiet about.

Look, Bob, if you want our attention then write a new song. It’s supposed to be what you do for a living, you idle fucker. Try a more upbeat tune too. Something not so bloody miserable. Something with a bit of hope for the future sewn in.

Hey mister tally man, tally me Ebola
‘Fast shits come and me cannot go home’

 Best not touch this.
Stop! Shittytime. (he has the trousers to cope with it)

Or how about some 1977 Motown?
Well it’s a Shit House

One more. A really killer one. How did all those music experts miss this?

So many music options and the Expert in the Field just does what he did last time and the time before. How utterly pointless.

All the criticisms of Bob the Blunder are most definitley justified but none of it matters anyway. Sending money to ebola victims is pointless and, at the base, very cruel.

Imagine you have a week of extraordinarily shitty life left to live and a hairy idiot gives you a million dollars.

Wouldn’t you want to spend that last week poking every single dollar up his arse, one by one, and lighting rthem?

You want our money, Bob? Do what everyone else who needs money has to do.

Do some fucking work, you useless scruffy idle fucker.

 

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13 thoughts on “Sell sell sell.

  1. How about a reworking of the Peggy Lee classic, ‘Fever’? Or possibly OMD’s ‘Ebola Gay’?

    As for “Do they know it’s Christmas…”, you have to admit it’s something of an achievement on the part of St Bob and the Blessed Midge – whether through blissful ignorance or cynical contempt for the level of knowledge of the general public – to gather up so much of the ersatz and exploitative sentimentality associated with a festival of commercialism in a single song and then to apply it to people who neither know nor care (or, in the case of the Christians among the Ethiopians last time round, celebrate it in an exclusively religious way a fortnight later).

    “Sentimentality is the emotional promiscuity of those who have no sentiment.”
    Norman Mailer

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  2. My other half has a relative who tried the ‘jump you fucker jump’ approach to a woman perched on a railway bridge thus holding up trains. She didn’t, so he shoved her off. She survived, he went to prison.

    Ps ‘one-time songsinger who used to be fairly good’. You’re being too kind – The BoomTown Rats were crap. I may be a tad bias – Geldorf and Johnny Rotten once threw a bottle or bag of piss at Rory Gallagher, who IMO was the greatest post war Irishman. Phil Lynott was second (though some way behind…). As for Bono – a fucking tax-evading-champagne-socialist-cunt who really should buy some decent trousers.

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    • My other half has a relative who tried the ‘jump you fucker jump’ approach to a woman perched on a railway bridge thus holding up trains. She didn’t, so he shoved her off. She survived, he went to prison.

      Arf! 😀

      And totally agree with the second paragraph. Rory Gallagher never really achieved the recognition he deserved. He was up there with the best of them. And as for Bono – yes.

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  3. You know, there’s a bloody piss-easy way of sorting out a shedload of problems in Africa. All you do is invent a very easy (because they’re thick as two short planks down there) and very cheap (they’re very poor, too; the two are not unrelated) way to decide ahead of time what sex your offspring will be. To save money, work on the one for “Make them all boys” first as that’ll be way more popular than the other one.

    Then all you do is hawk this poisoned chalice round Arabia, Africa and similar pits of depraved stupidity, and await results.

    I can tell you what’ll happen right now: the sex ratio will skew to about 90% males in the population. The reproductive capability of one generation will nosedive, and most of the morons who take this up will be Muslim. Doing this will solve the population problem in one fell swoop, and it’ll bang a peculiarly unpleasant religion on the head once and for all as well.

    It isn’t all that difficult to do, really. All you need is a way to get the few genes on the Y chromosome which cause an embryo to commit as male into a zygote, and that’ll do it. I’m willing to bet that right now there’s at least two different labs working along these very lines, with a view to causing this particular socio-demographic catastrophe.

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    • I believe in some African cultures/countries the women do most of the hard graft. Problem is, if you unfairly give women too much power and influence you end up with a nanny state that is obsessed with saving the chiiiildren, the UK for example.

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  4. Brilliant post Leggy!! This hits the nail right on the head. Also just before this Band Aid 30 crap did you see how S Club Seven (a teeny group from the early noughties) deliberately exploited Children In Need to launch a comeback. Despicable behaviour from them and shame on the BBC for allowing it to happen.

    Also on the Band Aid 30 thing, half of the fooks are unrecognisable compared to the legends that did the original in 1984. And you can be sure that half of Band Aid 30 did it for the exposure and not for the cause. Wankers.

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  5. The Bland-Aid picture says, “Stellar line-up”, but, in Gelding-style language, “Who the fuck are these tossers?” Perhaps Z-listers hoping for a career boost from flogging this dross?

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  6. You got a genuine LOL from me. I’m sure a lot of people think exactly the same about Bob. They just don’t articulate it. It’s a bloody awful record and I will not succumb to emotional blackmail and buy it.

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