I can’t remember the last time I had a headache. I mean a proper one, not just normal morning fuzziness brought on by cheap whisky. The malts don’t have that effect, I notice. Unless you overimbibe. Also the lighter coloured whiskies are far less head-fuzzing then the darker ones.
All to do with secondary metabolites and proper ageing, but more of that another time.
My last real headache must have been years ago. They just don’t seem to happen any more. Maybe these days I just give them to other people.
It was ‘Christmas Jumper Day’ at work today. The idea was that everyone would buy a Christmas jumper, wear it to work and give money to some charity or other. Well, why spend £15-£20 on single-use horrible knitwear and then give a few pennies to charity? Surely it would have been more sensible to say ‘If you bung in a tenner, you don’t have to look like a prat all day’? More for the charity and less spending for the staff.
It didn’t really affect me because the Secret Ninja Cleaning Company is separate from the management of Local Shop. So I didn’t have to do it. Instead I wore my Christmas T-shirt under my shirt (the underjumper) and flashed it at anyone who asked why I wasn’t wearing a daft jumper. Here is a quick and crappy phone-photo of the front.
It has red in it and a circle of elves so it’s Christmassy. It’s Satan and his elves. That explanation alone caused closed eyes and a deep breath and an intonation of ‘Santa’. Honestly, some people have entirely the wrong idea about Christmas. The dragon isn’t out of focus in real life, my phone just has a crap camera.
Yet there were those who said my underjumper had nothing to do with Christmas! I insisted it had elves on it. “Those are skulls,” they said. “Well,” I said, “They’ve been ill.” Anyway that’s now in the wash so I won’t be wearing a garland of elf-skulls tomorrow. It’ll probably be Chef from South Park. I can pull open a little bit of shirt to let Chef peek out every time I have to chest-eyes someone.
You know, I think I have enough little skulls to make a garland of elf-skulls… but I have already digressed mightily.
These are apparently caused by salt. Which is utter bollocks. If it were even remotely true I would be in permanent head-pain. I put salt on everything, including and especially salads. Celery on its own is disgusting but dip the end in a little pile of salt before each bite and it’s great. I don’t put salt on ready meals without tasting them first because the article is right on that point – there’s already salt. Just… sometimes not quite enough.
Three grams, half a teaspoon… I rarely buy fish and chips because it’s a lovely greasy treat but when I do I want a hell of a lot more than half a teaspoon of salt on it. It’s fish and potato so it’s skirting the dangerous reefs of the health shores already. Even deep-frying can’t totally kill the healthiness. Salt those chips!
Incidentally, I recently saw a pack of vegetable flavoured crisps. Really. They are made of potato and flavoured with um… vegetable. Crisps are ALL suitable for vegetarians. Even smoky bacon flavour. The flavour is artificial, not a single pig was involved in their production. So they are halal too. And why are smoky bacon ones no longer covered with red dust? I liked the red dust.
We used to call those potato-flavoured crisps ‘ready salted’ or ‘salt and shake’ back in the old days. Now they probably taste of mangos and parsnips.
Remember getting the plain crisps with the little blue twist-bag of salt? Remember the delight on finding two little salt bags instead of just one? In those days you had a choice, salt or no salt. Too simple for today’s bansturbators, of course.
No, you must not have the choice. The salt has to go. Resistance is futile. You will be desalinated. If you refuse we will nag and nag until you have a headache and then say ‘we told you so’.
There is a thing called botulism. Clostridium botulinum. You may have heard of it. It does not grow in you but it grows and produces fifteen different nerve toxins in food. And then you eat it. And then you die.
Its growth is inhibited by salt. That’s why the old sailing ships had barrels of roast meat encased in salt. It stopped those chunks of meat becoming dangerous. It is an effective preservative.
Take it out and you’ll see even more cases of food poisoning than you did when the E-number preservatives were taken out of food.
It’s not in there to make you salty. It’s in there to stop you dying of diseases that can be easily prevented by adding a little salt. I think everyone involved has forgotten why they added the salt in rhe first place.
Or maybe they just want us all dead.