Criminals Rejoice!

The way to stop smokers smoking is apparently to double the price of tobacco with a massive increase in tax.

Already we can take a flight or ferry to Europe, stock up – not even massively – and the savings more than cover the cost of the flight and hotel. Plus it’s a little holiday too. Effectively for free. This new tax hike means it’ll be worthwhile having a weekend in China.

It’s not going to boost revenue. It’s going to drive more smokers to take those weekends away, boost Man with a Van’s income and inspire many more to take up gardening. Word is already spreading but there are still an awful lot who pay the £8 – £10 per pack (or whatever it is now) because they have adapted to a gradual increase in the price.

How will they react when the price doubles overnight? Well, they’ll start listening to those who pay no UK duty on their baccy. They won’t turn away the bloke-in-the-pub with his satchel of dodgy smokes quite so readily. I would, because some of them aren’t really tobacco but hey, Prohibition killed a lot of people with tainted alcohol and Prohibitionists didn’t care that time. Why would they care this time?

As long as they get their way, they don’t care who dies. It was never about health, always about control first and money second.

Take seven steps outside before lighting up? Where did that come from? Same place as ‘five-a-day’ and alcohol units per week. Plucked from a loudmouth’s hairy arse at a meeting of smug bastards intent on micromanaging everyone’s existence. You have not read any research on the ‘take seven steps’ because there has never been any. If there had been, you’d be obliged to check wind direction first.

It doesn’t matter how many steps they say as long as you comply by taking the required number of steps. That is what they want to see. Not ‘children safe from imaginary smoky demonic forces’. They want to see you doing exactly as you are told. Without question.

Frankly, if you are going outside your own home and taking seven steps before lighting up, stop smoking right now. You are an embarrassment to the rest of us. You have been assimilated and are just a drone. Go join the Collective and do as you are told.

Cigarettes are an expensive commodity now and well worth any criminal’s efforts to steal. It already happens. I wouldn’t want to be a tobacconist because they already have a much higher chance of an armed robbery than the jeweller’s next door and soon everything in the shop will cost double. Note that the tobacconist, the tobacco companies and all the supply chain will not actually see a penny of this extra money. It’s all tax. It’s the tobacconist who has to face the irate customer when prices go up, but the tobacconist’s profits will be going down. Fast.

Tobacco is the perfect thing to steal. Lightweight, hard to trace, easy to sell and your customers will burn the evidence for you. Remember, criminals do not respect age-limit laws any more than they respect any other laws. This is how ASH and its drones will perpetuate smoking and keep their gravy-train hate-fest going.

Smuggling is already big-scale and will get bigger. An increased price differential between the UK and the rest of Europe will mean a lot of business for the travel companies. EU trade laws mean there is no restriction on how much you buy as long as it’s for your own use (or gifts for family) and you’ve paid the local taxes. Border Farce have no idea of the laws they are supposed to enforce, ony the propaganda they love to enforce. So they will steal your baccy on a whim while letting the smugglers go free for a back-hander.

Not forgetting, of course, that tobacco is spectacularly easy to grow. This year was a bust for me because of that cold snap in August when I was on holiday but most years, even north of Aberdeen in Scotland, it grows well. It is far easier to grow than cannabis (which isn’t hard, I hear about people growing it by accident all the time) and it will soon be far more profitable for criminals to grow than cannabis. A quiet plantation in the countryside would go unnoticed. It does not have the distinctive leaves of cannabis. As I’ve said before, if anything, it looks like a shot cabbage. Someone might admire the flower cluster but those would be removed for serious growers and then it is a most unremarkable plant indeed.

I am determined to develop a wild-growing variant even though I have picked the worst possible location in the UK to start from. Really, this would be far more successful further south but then it wouldn’t be so much of a challenge. Should I succeed in developing tobacco that grows wild in Scotland, it will grow wild absolutely anywhere.

Vapers, don’t be smug. You already know you’re next. You’ll need to get gardening too and learn how to extract your own baccy juice. Something else I have to get back to this year, now that I have found a direction in life again and will be ditching the underpaid overworked job by the summer – preferably before. My aim is not high nicotine because really that doesn’t matter as much as we are led to believe. My aim is e-juice that actually does taste like tobacco. Of all the flavours, it’s the one they haven’t quite got right.

I think what’s needed is a range of e-juices from different tobaccos and a chart telling you how to blend them to get a Marlboro or a JPS or a Stuyvesant flavour. For Consulate you’d just need grass clippings and a mint leaf. Could be worth pursuing – even if I can’t grow all the variants, I can buy the leaves.

Anyway. Look forward to a massive overnight hike in tobacco taxes followed by an orgasmic display from the Dreadful Arnott over the ‘sudden drop in tobacco sales’ (sorry, that’s a horrible image). She will not admit, and most likely won’t even realise, that we are all smoking just as much but taking more weekends away.

Motor dealers should stock up with bigger white vans. There’s going to be a bit of a spike in van sales.

P&O – buy more boats. EasyJet – buy more planes.

Tobacconists – well, no, you can’t arm yourselves or interfere with a robber in the conduct of his profession or you go to jail. Maybe just get a massive vault and put all the stock in it every night. You can leave the till full and the solid gold display boxes where they are, they aren’t worth as much as the stock any more. If the Brown Gorgon was chancellor now, we’d read about him selling off the UK tobacco stocks.

As for us smokers, well, smokers gonna smoke. We are not going to stop.

We’ll just get it our own way.

Duty free, one way or another.


25 thoughts on “Criminals Rejoice!

  1. For Consulate you’d just need grass clippings and a mint leaf

    There are many types of mint but I found that flaked Moroccan mint in a thin line on top of the tobacco made a very pleasant smoke.

    Menthol cigarettes are due to be banned under the EU Tobacco Products Directive by 2016, though I don’t know if menthol filters for roll-ups will go the same way.


      • Be careful not to over do it, some herbs burn an awful lot hotter than tobacco, I had a very nasty incident with a cigarette made entirely from dried lemon balm.
        I really should repeat the experiment more cautiously as I think a lemon scented cigarette might be nice, but the whole experience has rather put me off trying it.

        As anti-tobacco tells me that I have a 50% risk of dying anyway, it rather encourages further reckless behaviour as half the perceived risk is already accounted for.

        Perhaps I should take up riding a motorbike again.


  2. I’d guess the weekends away would have to be framed within the real legalities. I used to read that blog that told people all about it and the things to do and don’t do.

    Of course you would expect there to be a re-evaluation of the link between tobacco and cancer. They won’t of course. As you say they have no interest in it really. It’s all about power and money. Isn’t everything?


    • You mean the Nothing2Declare blog. Lots of very useful info on there. Border Farce will try to claim you’re smuggling if you bring a lot, or frequently. Still, the rising price differential means that you don’t need to bring as much to cover the cost of each trip.


  3. We discovered that Belgium is particularly good for low prices. Mrs L needs a top-up so a trip to Wipers at some point in the New Year is on the cards.


    • I’m currently in Hanoi, and a pack of local brand ciggies – not unlike the American made Lucky Strikes – costs 10,000 Vietnamese Dong, which sounds like a lot, but actually equates to 31P. For 20 quite smoke-able fags. Makes a joke of UK prices, does it not?


  4. When was this duty hike of 100% announced or is it just expected? 20% of the electorate smoke. Have the politicians of the two big parties just given up?


  5. Prohibition killed a lot of people with tainted alcohol and Prohibitionists didn’t care that time. Why would they care this time?

    It was actually the Govt and Prohibitionists that were tainting the alcohol. The Govt deliberately poisoned industrial and medicinal alcohol to prevent bootleggers from using it as a quick fix for bathtub Gin and Whiskey. How evil is that, all you Banstorbators out there ???

    But the bootleggers, who, by now, filthy rich, just hired the best chemists to take the poisons out. A lot of people died, who needn’t have, in the interim though.


    • All those stories of rat dropings and sawdust in cheap cigarettes – I wonder who’s putting that in? It’s certainly in no criminal gang’s interests to drive their customers away.


  6. As long as uncut leaf remains an “agricultural product” and therefore free of duty, they can stick their tax increases – I will not be paying them.


  7. I recommend a few fresh ground cloves added to the tobacco. About a teaspoon of ground cloves is about right for three packs. Also keeps the burning temperature on the high side in case the tobacco is a bit moist.


    • Kreteks, yes, I’d forgotten about those.

      I made some myself when they were about to be banned in America under the 2009 Family Smoking Prevention Tobacco Control Act , along with all manner of fruit flavoured cigarettes that nobody had ever heard of but which curiously exempted menthol which lots of people do smoke.

      “strawberry, grape, orange, clove, cinnamon, pineapple, vanilla, coconut, licorice, cocoa, chocolate, cherry, or coffee, that is a characterizing flavor of the tobacco product or tobacco smoke”

      So I looked them up.

      Kreteks – Clove-Scented Indonesian Cigarettes – Growing In Popularity – 1982

      Liked by 1 person

      • For what it’s worth, the aroma seems to attract a lot of positive attention–even from the smoke-paranoid. “Mmmmm. What is that?” I roll them for my partner.

        I’m a cigar smoker myself which pretty well terrifies most people here in California, including the moochers.


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