Smoothing out the tinfoil.

So Prince Andrew had a pal who was into underage girls. Did he take part? Did he even know? Guilt by association is all the rage – it’s the new second-hand smoking.

I used to go fishing with some others including a bloke from the local plant shop. Didn’t know him well but he seemed pleasant enough and knew a lot about plants. Then he disappeared.

What I didn’t know, and what none of even his long-term friends knew, was that he had amassed quite a collection of particularly unpleasant child pornography on his computer. The police knew because while the originators of those images might be quite cunning at hiding on the internet, the recipients are usually not. Some use proxies, believing them to be uncrackable – but they’re not. Not when a computer whiz really wants to find you.

Nobody knew about his curtains-drawn vile hobby. Not even those who had known him for many years. So if Epstein told Andy that the girl was his masseuse, why would Andy assume anything different?

There may be more to it, but there is nothing yet to prove that the fat parasite prince was anything more than someone who had a friend who was a secret pervert. According to the papers, he is guilty as tabloid-charged. Good luck finding an unbiased jury if it ever comes to court.

If it emerges that Andy really knew nothing, what will be the response? ‘Well, he’s a royal, they’re just covering it up’. He is now in a no-win situation no matter what the truth is. This prince is toast.

The tinfoil was at play over the Glasgow bin-lorry crash too. The official story is that the driver had a heart attack and lost control. Unfortunately it coincided with three consecutive Islamic attacks in France in which mad Mullahs drove their cars into random groups of people. Making a connection is inevitable under those circumstances.

The driver of that bin lorry has not been named and it has been declared that his name will never be released. Well. That really pours petrol on this little fire, doesn’t it?

Perhaps he really had a heart attack and died at the wheel, and just happened to be a Muslim. That would explain why the authorities don’t want to release his name at the time of the French Islamic attacks because it would lead to the instant assumption that this was another one – even if it was a genuine accident.

But then, not releasing his name also leads instantly to the same assumption overlaid with an Establishment cover-up conspiracy theory. It’s worse than releasing the name! Oh what a tangled web we weave…

Maybe it was an Islamic attack like the ones in France and the Gubblement think it’s a good idea to just hush it up and pretend it isn’t. Maybe it was just an accident but the driver happened to have a Muslim name so they thought it a good idea to hush that part up so people wouldn’t draw the wrong conclusions. Or maybe the driver was someone famous who had fallen on hard times. Maybe it was Cameron’s brother. Without that name we can never know.

We can only speculate and many, many people are doing just that. And drawing firm conclusions from speculation as they see ‘experts’ doing all the time. Who can blame them? If ‘experts’ can come up with a random number for how much booze you can consume and how much fruit you must consume and that smoke can pass through walls and how you must suffer the eye-pain of LED lighting and all based on nothing more than speculation… well why shouldn’t everyone else do it too?

It’s now too late to release that truck driver’s name. If they were to say if was Angus McFlatulent from Auchtermuchty, nobody would believe them now. Everyone has already decided it must be Achmed McJihad, a recent convert from Buckfastarianism to Islam and that he deliberately drove into those people shouting ‘Ally McOist’s Snackbar’ or some such thing.

In both these cases, the Prince of Belly or the Wobbly Bin Lorry, the truth is unlikely ever to be known because it just doesn’t matter any more. The news focuses on just three of the victims of that crash and on Prince Andy’s link to his pervy pal. It is now impossible for anyone to come out and say ‘Here is the truth’ because it will be rejected by one side or the other out of hand.

Prince Andy is well and truly stuffed by this one. He has no way to repair his reputation, not that it was all that great anyway. As a foreign envoy, he will find it hard to continue.

The bin lorry crash is already producing photos showing the driver sitting upright in the cab as it crashed. I’ve never had a heart attack so I don’t know – would he double over, or lock up with hands on the wheel and foot clamped down on the accelerator? Someone out there knows from experience and more than that, someone knows what it’s like to have a heart attack while driving. What really happens?

But let’s take a step back and smooth out the tinfoil. Maybe Andy was bonking babies, maybe not. We have no proof either way so even though he is pretty horrible to observe, give him the benefit of the doubt. Innocent until proven guilty. Remember that one? It used to be how UK law worked in the olden days.

The bin lorry driver might have been named Osama Bin Lorry or he might have been Jimmy McPisshead. I don’t know why his name is so secret. Perhaps he was the ne’er-do-well of the Blair Witch’s descendants – no wait, that one became Prime Monster. Maybe he was the illegitimate son of Mrs. Queen and Harold Wilson. That tatty mac and pipe could turn a girl’s head, you know. Nobody knows because they won’t tell us and probably never will – thus the speculation will continue.

It might have been a heart attack or an attack of Mad Jihad. Or maybe he was desperate to get the rounds finished so he could have a smoke and a bottle of Bells toilet cleaner. Perhaps he was trying to flatten a smoker. That kind of rage is currently allowed in the UK. Maybe he saw someone drop a sweet wrapper and was so diligent he was racing to get it before it hit the ground.

See? Speculation can soon get way out of hand. You can’t draw firm conclusions from speculation. People will anyway, they always have. And politicians know how to use it to control us.

You want people to support your eradication of the Monarchy? Just hint to them that the Monarchy is covering up for a pervert. You want to persuade people to support the eradication of a billion people? Just don’t tell them that Jock McWeakheart was driving the truck.

You don’t need to force people to do horrible things to each other. They love to do those things anyway. You just need to give them an excuse.

It doesn’t have to be real.