It is often notable these days that party political broadcasts, shiny brochures for the recycling bin and the partys’ pet hack-rags focus not on what their party will do right, but on what the other parties will do wrong.
They could all be summed up as ‘Yes, we know we’re crap, but not as crap as them’.
It is therefore a fascinating deviation from this pattern to find Moribund shouting that if the Tories won, they’d do things right.
Nobody really believes they will, of course, but Moribund claims they will.
Tory spending cuts will take Britain back to the days when children left school at 14, Ed Miliband claimed today as he launched Labour’s general election pledge card.
The days when you could apprentice as a plumber or brickie or electrician or anything, start earning some good money at 16, pay enough NI to have the full state pension entitlement before you’re 50 and retire at 60 having paid off your house and with a pension pot you’ve been building for 44 years. Those ‘bad old days’?
When you could get a job in a shop at 14 and be manager before you were 30. Can’t now. Local Shop won’t employ anyone under 16 and the Secret Ninja Cleaners won’t employ anyone under 18.
Not everyone is capable of being an astrophysicist and in fact, of those who are capable, few want to. Some would be far better off, in every way, earning a living than sitting bored in a classroom.
Many years in the dim and distant past, a friend left school at 16 or perhaps earlier. He landed a job on the oil exploration boats. We all met up when we were about 20.
I was in university, skint, considering whether to pay or drink next month’s rent. Another was just starting in a local college, going back for a HND because he had no job. The one who had left school early was…
…telling us about the difficulty of deciding which car to buy.
Disadvantaged? It’s hard to see where the gurning plasticine idiot gets that idea.
Labour has seized on figures which show that under the Tory plan to eradicate the deficit, by 2020 public spending as a share of national income will fall to around 35 per cent, the same level seen in the 1930s.
So eradicating the deficit and not wasting money on layers of rubber stampers is a bad thing now. Having fewer prodnoses and idiotic officials can only be a good thing. When we are paying for rubbish collection, policing, hospitals etc without paying for empty suits with clipboards to make their jobs harder to do, we will all be better off.
This next one got a real hearty loud laugh from me. I expect the neighbours will complain (well, Plastic Man will complain) in the morning.
He argued that Britain’s economic prosperity rests on the success of the many. He said: ‘Today we set out how we can replace a failed, tired, government for the few with a government that is truly for all the people of Britain. Today I tell you how we will change the way our country is run when I am Prime Minister.
If you become Prime Monster, Moribund, we will be preparing for the Apocalypse because there is no more absurdity God could possibly visit upon us.
Now we have Labour canvassing for the Tories.
Is it Kafka’s day off, I wonder? Even he couldn’t make this up.