Moribund, the Tory’s spokesman

It is often notable these days that party political broadcasts, shiny brochures for the recycling bin and the partys’ pet hack-rags focus not on what their party will do right, but on what the other parties will do wrong.

They could all be summed up as ‘Yes, we know we’re crap, but not as crap as them’.

It is therefore a fascinating deviation from this pattern to find Moribund shouting that if the Tories won, they’d do things right.

Nobody really believes they will, of course, but Moribund claims they will.

Tory spending cuts will take Britain back to the days when children left school at 14, Ed Miliband claimed today as he launched Labour’s general election pledge card.

The days when you could apprentice as a plumber or brickie or electrician or anything, start earning some good money at 16, pay enough NI to have the full state pension entitlement before you’re 50 and retire at 60 having paid off your house and with a pension pot you’ve been building for 44 years. Those ‘bad old days’?

When you could get a job in a shop at 14 and be manager before you were 30. Can’t now. Local Shop won’t employ anyone under 16 and the Secret Ninja Cleaners won’t employ anyone under 18.

Not everyone is capable of being an astrophysicist and in fact, of those who are capable, few want to. Some would be far better off, in every way, earning a living than sitting bored in a classroom.

Many years in the dim and distant past, a friend left school at 16 or perhaps earlier. He landed a job on the oil exploration boats. We all met up when we were about 20.

I was in university, skint, considering whether to pay or drink next month’s rent. Another was just starting in a local college, going back for a HND because he had no job. The one who had left school early was…

…telling us about the difficulty of deciding which car to buy.

Disadvantaged? It’s hard to see where the gurning plasticine idiot gets that idea.

Labour has seized on figures which show that under the Tory plan to eradicate the deficit, by 2020 public spending as a share of national income will fall to around 35 per cent, the same level seen in the 1930s.

So eradicating the deficit and not wasting money on layers of rubber stampers is a bad thing now. Having fewer prodnoses and idiotic officials can only be a good thing. When we are paying for rubbish collection, policing, hospitals etc without paying for empty suits with clipboards to make their jobs harder to do, we will all be better off.

This next one got a real hearty loud laugh from me. I expect the neighbours will complain (well, Plastic Man will complain) in the morning.

He argued that Britain’s economic prosperity rests on the success of the many. He said: ‘Today we set out how we can replace a failed, tired, government for the few with a government that is truly for all the people of Britain. Today I tell you how we will change the way our country is run when I am Prime Minister.

If you become Prime Monster, Moribund, we will be preparing for the Apocalypse because there is no more absurdity God could possibly visit upon us.

Now we have Labour canvassing for the Tories.

Is it Kafka’s day off, I wonder? Even he couldn’t  make this up.

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31 thoughts on “Moribund, the Tory’s spokesman

  1. I left school at just fifteen, and immediately got a job in The City. I stayed in that job until I joined The Wrens at just eighteen. Working class and Secondary School educated. Voted Tory all my working life, much to the disgust of my father. He thought I had got ideas above my station. He was right of course. I have never been proud of being Working Class. What’s to be proud of? I worked and earned my Pension. I’m proud of that.
    I am also proud of being a Cockney. But then there’s a bit of style to being one of those. We are now The Lost Tribe of London.

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      • Or in France. And some of us don’t talk like that anymore. That was the first thing I dumped. And it wasn’t hard.
        I still write the idiom to some extent, but mainly because it is interesting, and a bit more colourful. So not entirely dead. And I actually quite like Sarfend. It’s got The Sea, you see. I didn’t get too much of that as a child, except for the odd Charity day out. For which I hasten to say, I remain grateful. But I was always destined for better things. I have earned a small fortune cleaning up after my betters, as it were. I would have preferred a better education, but there you go. It wasn’t to be. And I am much too old to even want a degree in Theology now.

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        • If you’re one who is something of a language-spotter like what I is, cockney is as interesting as most other regional ways of speaking. The one which really sets my teeth on edge is the truly horrid “estuary English”, which sounds, to me, like the bastard child of London, groovy fashions and the USA.

          Liked by 1 person

          • I can still talk the talk, if I have to. I am just waiting for some television production to need the real thing for a Cameo of a dreadful old Cockney Moufy Cow, with a fat fee on the end. Gor Blimely, Mate. I wouldn’t harf be worf it.

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        • To be honest, a PhD is a mixed blessing. It qualifies you for quite a few jobs, but scares off other employers as they think they’ll be getting whatever inaccurate caricature of an academic they happen to have dreamed up this day of the week. These days, mine is useful for little save intimidating undergrads.

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          • Yep, I know that now. But I do so lack the ability to broaden my own mind. The ability to pursue knowledge for my own sake.
            I have always been able to earn money, so that was never a real issue for me.

            Do you know, I was 55 years old before it ever occurred to me to even look at The Moon and to follow its amazing pattern, which is quite obscure for those who never give it a thought . But The Moon does have a repeated pattern. Wow, and I eventually worked that out for myself. And Yes, it did please me to know.

            But it’s the ability of people like you to make people like me think that matters. Something that I was never fortunate enough to be subjected to.
            So don’t mock what you do. And you almost certainly don’t mean it anyway.

            In the end, it is what we think of ourselves that amounts to anything.

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      • I would dreadfully miss living in France. Now there is a language for sore ears. And I can even spot the accents these days. Five miles up or down the road is an entirely different thing. And Paris is something else. I mostly talk Paris because it’s proper. But they all laugh at me around here. And I don’t care. They all laugh at me in England because I sound like The Queen. I am destined to be laughed at forever.

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    • Yes, me too, I left at 16, even though I had what might be considered the advantage of a grammar school education. I wasn’t interested. All I wanted to do was get out and see the world, which is exactly what I did. Left school, got a job on a building site for six months to earn some money, and then headed off to exotic lands, which I trawled around for 3 or 4 years (with a couple of brief trips back to UK to make a bit of money), finally landing in Australia, where I stayed for most of the ’70s.

      I’m sure I had the intellectual wherewithal to go to university had I so desired, but I have no regrets about the course I took in life. I’ve seen and done more than most people could in several lifetimes; I’ve always been able to make money one way or another, and I’ve enjoyed my life immensely. And I still love my life. I have a business that I enjoy doing, I live in a fantastic place and I have a lot of good memories. I honestly don’t think my life would have been as good had I gone to uni and tied myself to a career. I’d probably have more money, but since I’ve never been driven by money (it’s nice to have, but as long as I’m comfortable that will do – I don’t need nor want a Ferrari). As it is, I’ve had the pleasure of doing many diverse jobs, some good, some not so good, but all grist to the mill. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • And good for you. To know who you are. I was actually on my way to NewZealand when I landed here, and then ran out of money. So here is where I have rested.
        Took up Farm Labouring and Gardening, and earned enough to get by on.

        I do still think that I would have liked more academic knowledge, and possibly someone to push my mind, because it has been a very slow process on my own. But I don’t suppose that I would have been able to save The World. And now, I don’t want to anymore.

        However, an Aston Martin would have been nice. Just simply for the shear joy of a beautiful piece of machinery. I did get to drive one a few times, but I would never be able to describe the passion or the power.

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      • Totally off topic but since you live in Greece do you know much about property law there? My friend has found herself in a nightmare position due to the sudden and totally unexpected death of her husband at 54. It is a very complicated situation as he died in England where he was working at the time. They jointly owned a house in Corfu which they were trying to sell. Any info gratefully received thanks.

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        • If you want to email me some more info Cherie (get my email from LI) I’ll find out what I can. I’m no expert myself, but I do know people who are.

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          • Thanks I will, I did look to see if you had a contact address. Any help is appreciated as she is a terrible mess with it all, especially as they are both German nationals though lived and worked in the UK for 17 years, or rather he did. She is getting little help in England and dreads the Greek situation as you can imagine.

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    • Ah Ha. Another attention seeker. However, I earned a few bob as a Barmaid at one point, so don’t knock it. You don’t need to be able to spell Guinness to actually pour one. Just hope that no one is daft enough to want one.

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  2. My career path was wrenched from me when the Assistant Heidie told my parents I shouldn’t do art. I should of course do Maths which is what boys do. I never managed any sort of maths certification unless an arithmetic O-level counts. Ha Ha. I do art along the way in a fashion that fits in with business.

    Anyway I managed to survive although it’s not been plain sailing. I’ve managed to travel in Europe and the State at other peoples expense and I’ve also managed to enjoy fab cars and house etc. my client list has provided me with great experiences.

    I’m not overly pensioned but I’ll manage because I always do. Like thousands of other people I take responsibility for me and not so much mine now. My children do their own thing and they get along just fine. Better than fine would be good also but it’s their life to live.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think that everyone should leave school at about 14 and, between then and about 30, go off and do jobs, learn about the world and have their children. At 30 or so, those who want to and are capable of it (maybe about 5% of the population) can go to University and learn, experience Scholarship and train to be doctors/lawyers etc. This way, no ‘professional’ (or politician) would ever be younger than 35/40. There’d be no need for gender disparity, either – it solves the ‘children or career’ dilemma.

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    • The problem here is that the peak of a person’s intellectual abilities seems to come in their late twenties; if they can learn enough of a subject to be useful in it (which is a vanishingly small percentage of the population) then they do their most brilliant work in the first decade or so of their working lives.

      I am not, was never and never will be one of these brilliant minds.

      I was one of the slogging grunts of the academic world; I did research, and it was useful research but it was strictly colouring in the details and filling out the background sort of thing; the likes of me are needed to give the brilliant ones the big picture to work from, but we too are a dying breed. Blue Sky research, that is to say research for the sake of research, is not being funded all that much these days, yet it is from this that a lot of the brilliant stuff stems, problem is, you cannot tell who is going to prove something useful.

      What I would do, though, it take your idea and enforce it for politicians. It would kill the Labour Party stone dead, though, since the Labour way of doing things is to induct new politicians into their huge, faceless bureaucracy and churn them slowly until the most stubborn individuals emerge as Labour politicians. Faced with an intake of experienced, worldly-wise individuals who know how things work, that system would die on its arse.

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  4. I have only had two jobs: the first at the John Lewis Partnership and my current position as a PA.

    I started work at 16 as a YTS trainee at their Oxford Street store, learning to sell everything from …

    … to …

    (Yes, really Legs 😉 )

    … and everything in between. It was meant to be a 2 year scheme but in actual fact morphed into a 16 year apprenticeship, equipping me for what I do now, secretary to a ‘Rainmaker’ chairman. This year will be my 16th year doing that. I know correlation doesn’t mean causation (unless you hate tobacco), but turnover when I joined was £9m a year and now it’s at £120m+ …

    😉

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  5. Welllll, folks that went to work at 14 or 16 would never vote for Plain Packaging for cigs.
    They know that pretty colours do not ’cause’ kids to consume stuff and gruesome pictures will not stop people from smoking.

    Kids should eat veggies; tho, many kids won’t touch their veggies.
    Passing a law to make veggies the colours of the rainbow will not inspire kids to suddenly eat their veggies.

    Painting a pig in pretty/gaudy colours is not going to convince people that they should have a pig as a pet.

    Our societies revel in the guts, gore, and blood in horror movies.
    The more the better.

    Only tobacco control nannies and imbecile politicians could believe that some pictures on a cig pack will be noticed.

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      • PP is a solution for a virtually non-existent problem.

        TC and braindead pol’s claim you need PP to help prevent children from starting smoking; because, 600 per day in the UK do start.

        There are 15 million kids under 18 in the UK.

        Only 1 per 25,000 kids start smoking each day.

        99.996% do not start smoking each day.

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  6. Ed Millibland; “Today I tell you how we will change the way our country is run when I am Prime Minister.” Word to chill even the toughest soul.

    And may the good lord have mercy on you all. Blue Labour (Cameron) is bad, but another bout of Red Labour might finish poor old blighty for thirty years or more.

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  7. I disagreed with their raising the school leaving age to 16 when they did that, and it’s even more insane for them to suggest raising it to 18. What’s the point in a lot of kids sitting in a classroom they don’t want to be in, learning stuff they don’t want to know, from a teacher who knows both facts to be true and so doesn’t want to teach them? I feel very strongly that I never truly grew up until I got my first job, at 16, and the difference in mental maturity between myself and those of my peers who stayed on at school was huge, and stayed so right up until they, too, started working for a living and grew up themselves. Even today, I know university students who are as idealistic, gullible and immature at 22 or 23, having only ever been in education, as I was at 15, whilst still at school. And I don’t doubt that the same could easily have been said back in the day when youngsters could leave school at 14 and go through the same growing-up process earlier.

    But maybe that’s the whole point of the exercise. Keep people infantilised, childish, unworldly and naïve and they’ll be easier to brainwash, manipulate and thus control. The longer the powers-that-be can keep them in their clutches in the education system and prevent the hard truths of real life to show them how they’ve been deceived all their lives by all the rhetoric, the better.

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    • Yes, the ‘all must have degrees’ goal is the most fatuous idea the pols have had in a long time. Firstly, who is going to employ all these substandard graduates with degrees in knitting or scrapbook maintainance, and secondly, who is going to fix the plumbing when it goes tits-up? Fucking politicians live in a parallel universe where normal reality doesn’t apply.

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