Elsewhere

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I have invaded the southern state of England with a wallet full of Scottish money. Really, I should know by now. Use the cashpoint when you arrive, not before you leave. The matter is not insurmountable. Few matters are. I will fix it in the morning.

It’s a very nice place but the bar is expensive. There won’t be much whisky going down. Which is likely to be a good thing anyway. I am not here to drink. The barmaid is too smart to fall for ‘Scottish money is worth double when buying whisky because of the Solemn Covenant of 1601’.

I didn’t just make that up, you know. I made it up years ago. It rarely worked but when it did…

One bugbear only. The WiFi is free but doesn’t work outside. So no smoking and tweeting or smoking and blogging. At these prices there’ll be precious little whisky involved either.

You may note a certain placid nature in this underdog, at least for a few days. Limited smoking, very limited drinking… and also because of a reason.

My reason arrives tomorrow.

 

42 thoughts on “Elsewhere”

    • Naah, Frank. My money’s tending towards a new lady friend. “Limited smoking and limited drinking” wouldn’t be necessary for “a few days” for an interview/contract negotiations, would it? Just the interview/meeting day only. No, I think Leggy’s on his best behaviour to impress for a romantic rendezvous. Mind you, if she’s already got him toeing the line on the smokes/booze ticket, then that’s a bit worrying. I hope he proceeds with caution – nagging girlfriends can be the ruin of a man!

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      • Look, I’ve got it all worked out, Jax. Leggy sent a small bottle of The Stuff to somebody, and it cured not only their children but also their pet dog. They’ve now raised a few million for a start-up selling The Stuff, and they badly need Leggy to be the Head of Research, of course. Discussions will be about salary, share options, intellectual property rights. chauffeur, secretary, size of desk, etc. These discussions will be accompanied by copious amounts of the whisky Leggy’s brought with him, which won’t be enough to get Leggy drunk, but will be more than enough to completely incapacitate everyone else, and secure him the best possible terms…

        See?

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        • Sounds like a strong contender. The Stuff is probably a universal panacea, which also has the remarkable ability to cure anti-smoking zealots of their psychoses. The desk will be huge, the secretary will be young and exceptionally pretty, the salary will be five nudging six figures and he will retain intellectual property rights. He will, of course have a fleet of flunkeys to do all the work, which will leave him free to pursue his literary interests.

          Or it’s a woman. Did you remember to cut your toenails and comb your hair, LI?

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      • XX “Limited smoking and limited drinking” wouldn’t be necessary for “a few days” for an interview/contract negotiations, would it?XX

        It would if you were stuck in a hotel for that period.

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  9. Good luck with whatever enterprise you are engaged in. If it’s blowing up parliament then be quick about it. If you need help with them thar barrels, just shout!

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  11. “I have invaded the southern state of England with a wallet full of Scottish money.”

    But he does not say how for into England he has ventured.

    My bet is that he has driven down to Hull to meet up with Steve and pick up half a ton of pure leaf which arrives in port tomorrow.

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  12. Your reason arrives tomorrow….I was hoping that you were getting a puppy, but notice that wasn’t mentioned in the previous comments, unless “Old Dog New Tricks” could be an obscure link. Whatever it is – I wish you happiness and long enjoyment of whatever your “reason” is.

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  15. English money… Easy. Travelling via Waverley Station. Go into booking hall and at the back are three cash machines will give you English money. Simples. If you head to ?London keep an eye on the First Clas offers. Sometimes they are only a few quid more expensive than standard. Go Virgin and first Class really is First Class

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  16. I think the Plain Packaging people saw his talent for scary fiction and gave him a job designing the new McDonalds boxes. Happy meals are about to become anything but.

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  20. The only problem that all us his readers will have, is that – if it’s a woman – he’ll blog less. He won’t be able to fight this problem (‘coz women are delicious – grab your fill while you can) and she’ll do the “RATHER THAN TRY TO SAVE THE WORLD, JUST BLOODY SAVE YOUR BLOODY FAMILY!” (I have heard this one now, for years.)

    That’s why there are so very very very few female “liberal” bloggers. Bunni died so that leaves about three others. All the women are on “mumsnet” and worse, and all “calling for” Statestuff.

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