Save Me (The Broken Girl)

A guest post by The Broken Girl. Take a deep breath for this one and be sitting down.

Save Me

(Can contain triggers for some)

I was raped, or at least I think so. I keep telling myself that it’s all a bit of a grey zone. That somehow I was in the wrong, wore the wrong clothes, gave the wrong idea or just plain deserved it.

I was 18. I was visiting a school friend and since we were finally able to go on the clubs legally (I had been doing it for a few years by then) we decided to go out on the town for a bit of fun. Just two young friends having fun.

My dad has always told me that I’d forget my head somewhere if it hadn’t been so well attached. Don’t tell him I said this but he’s right. I always forget at least one thing when packing. This time what I forgot wasn’t socks or a toothbrush but my phone. I found out when it was already to late to go back.

My friend had an aunt who lived closer to the clubs than my friend so we had gotten permission to stay the night there. I’d never been before but my friend would take me there so no harm. We got ready at his place. Talked about the places we wanted to go to, what to drink and had a warm up drink before leaving. We were excited. We were going to have fun.

We got to town, went to the Irish bar for Guinness, danced to 80’s hits in a disco and in a smaller pub we ran into a bunch of guys. One of them knew my friend. They had gone to school together when I had been away at boarding school. He seemed nice.

We were already pretty drunk by this point. The new guy was charming and when his friends were about to leave I asked my school friend if we could go along. He said yes, probably for my sake.

One pint turned to several and I liked him more and more. He took me outside for a smoke and we had a snog. We went on to another place and we lost my friend in the crowds. New guy told me “It’s okay you’ll find him. It’s not a big place”. I didn’t. My friend was tired and quickly got bored of looking for me and went to his Aunt’s to sleep.

After a bit more drinking I realised that I was lost. I knew my friend wasn’t coming back, I didn’t know where his Aunt lived and I didn’t have my phone. New guy told me “you can sleep at my place”. I remember being grateful. I was saved from a night on the streets.

We got to his place. He tried getting me out of my clothes and I told him I was only there for sleep, nothing more. I got as ready for bed as I could and pretty much passed out drunk.

Next thing I remember was waking up confused and pressed down. New guy was on top of me. I asked him what he was doing and he told me “I didn’t have a condom and I don’t want you to get pregnant”. My first thought was “but I’m still a virgin!” and then I just grew numb and hid inside myself as he finished going deep in my arse.

He left me after. I didn’t know what to do so I just kept still hoping he wouldn’t return. The morning after he drove me to my friends place and I never saw him again after that day.

I kept quiet. I didn’t tell anyone. I figured who’d believe me anyway.

A year’s time later I told someone. The first time I opened up. She laughed. She laughed and I told myself “you were right!” I was just a broken girl alone in a broken world.

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32 thoughts on “Save Me (The Broken Girl)

    • I did end up almost killing myself so I let it become too overshadowing. But I also had other things in my past that had broken me. I still have my issues. I jump at unexpected noises, I panic when people walk behind me and I’ve had a hard time trusting others.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Opening-up – a difficult choice.

    The risk of getting the craved understanding vs a response so totally-out-of-order.

    Undoubtably, you weren’t the first in such a situation; sadly, I fear you won’t be the last either.

    Maybe a weight is now lifted off your shoulders. Hope so.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There are things which can be argued in some of these situations and two sides. Then there are ones quite clear cut and this is one of those.

    Which then gets to the next decision – let it go or speak. For a male, it’s hard to feel like the girl [unless in prison I suppose] and how in one case she’ll feel violated and another maybe not.

    But she knows full well when she has been and there’s no argument. The next thing is what to do. First step is to get the courage up to write the account. And to convey the feeling.

    I know it’s not the same as when it’s your own body but one day I came home and the box for my record collection had been torn open and the records taken. I felt violated but if it had been my body, then questions of self-worth also come into it.

    It’s a lose-lose. Speaking it is the first step though.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Broken Girl

    Something similar happened to me when I was about the same age. Not exactly the same, you understand. For one thing I wasn’t buggered, that’s just horrible! But the circumstances were similar: I was out with friends, I was a bit tipsy, a bed for night was offered, no consent was asked for and none was given, but I ended up being fucked.

    I knew him from before, from work, and he was a pretty good looking guy. I dreaded seeing him, but fortunately he was easy for me to avoid. I couldn’t quite believe it had happened actually, it was so quick. And I felt stupid and ashamed for being so trusting and just so stupid.

    Then, I don’t know how it came about, but I got talking to a girl at work. We didn’t know each other that well but the subject got onto him and I just blurted it out. To my amazement, she turned round and said he’d done the same to her! We looked at each other opened mouthed and then she asked me what I thought about the size of his cock. Suddenly it was all ‘OMG!’ and laughing. We laughed so hard we nearly wet ourselves because, you see, he was so tiny. He was tiny man, with a tiny cock. To be honest, it barely even touched the sides; he must of been the size of a drawing pin.

    I didn’t have the same experience as you and I wouldn’t want you to think I’m being glib in telling you mine. But talking about it definitely helps and the sooner the better. Laughing, too, before that tiny man’s actions could grow so big that it would have been like carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. We can all be stupid at times, it shouldn’t have to carry a life sentence.

    I hope you carrying on writing here. Mr Leg Iron generates a lot of laughter and that’s sure to help.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The trouble with the description is that it does not give the story as the ‘rapist’ would describe it. His description might well be totally different without the essential facts about the physical events being necessarily different. His perception of ‘the signals’ might have been quite different. For example, it wasn’t he who plied BG with alcohol deliberately.
    What I am saying is that BG ought not to thrash herself. We all get ourselves into situations which make us feel ashamed of what happened, even if we did not instigate the events.
    Is there an answer? Could BG confess herself to her sins? Could she reconcile herself to her wrong-doing? For that is what is most important. She must forgive herself, once an for all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Junican, I’d have to disagree pretty strongly. While it’s possible that Broken Girl, despite being a virgin, had had anal sex in the past, I’d guess it to be pretty unlikely, and that makes it *highly* unlikely that, no matter how drunk she was, she would have given any sort of conscious assent to having it that night. Even if the guy had gotten some sort of indecipherable mumbling of non-resistance out of her, it would likely have been because he’d been quite unclear about what his intentions were (e.g., “OK if I cuddle up behind you?” and then, “Can I rub myself here a bit?” etc) and I don’t think such a situation would meet the test at all of consensual sex. Thus it would, pretty unquestionably, be rape… and BG clearly has nothing to forgive herself for (No, not even for drinking to excess… except for possible mumblings from that segment of the crowd who don’t live in glass houses.)

      – MJM

      Liked by 1 person

      • Totaly agree. Except for the fact, legaly, it is not. It is sexual assault. That does not make it any better, and as far as I am concerned it SHOULD be classed as rape in court. (If it not already is??? The laws HAVE been changed….)

        Like

  5. It was rape! Yes, unequivocally!

    I’m male, and as James said, (outside of prison) I have, and hopefully never will, know how bad an invasion of self that was.

    I have been in a similar situation though, from the other side. Out drinking (way too much), too young, (very) inexperienced, meeting a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend and ending up (somehow, I still haven’t a clue how) sharing a room (agreed mutually I hasten to add).

    Snogging and fumbling occurred on both sides (being decidedly on the shy/retiring side I can almost guarantee it would have been commenced by my lady friend because no matter how drunk, I’m even quieter as a drunk than I am normally). Disrobement, again by both (I know ‘she’ removed her bra, I never got the hang of that Houdini-inspired manipulation until well into my twenties) but … I felt there was some reluctance on her part and ….. asked!

    She was not comfortable with more and so we slept, huddled together under a thin blanket, until morning when we both stumbled around the area trying to figure out where we were/find friends. We parted as friends and I never heard or saw her again. I simply could not, cannot, do otherwise and any man who claims to see some possibility of doing otherwise is a liar (even if only to himself) or a narcissist and yes, a rapist.

    The point? There will be (there always is) some creeping, insidious doubt that you (BG) feel. ‘Did I ….’. ‘Should I …’, ‘If I’d ….’. A doubt that verges on self-blame and that she (you BG) should stop, dead, right now! The blame is entirely and completely his, not a shred is yours.

    Could you have acted differently? Made different choices that did not result in this horror? Of course. You could have confined yourself indoors alone, taken a chaperone everywhere with you, distrusted every male you ever met – hyperbole I know, but just where would/could you stop taking precautions to safeguard yourself?

    All life is a risk (of one degree or another). We interact with each other based partly on shared expectation, agreed codes of what is acceptable. I stand in a queue at the bank to pay bills on the understanding that the man next to me is not going to turn, punch and rob me. You went out, to socialise, have a good time, on the understanding that someone would not force himself on you when you were vulnerable.

    Would you, should I be punched at the bank, expect me to second-guess myself about whether ‘if’ I’d paid by direct-debit, gone a different day, not looked so provocative in my natty blazer, not been a temptation by waving my money whilst counting it? I doubt it and if I ‘felt guilty about my actions/choices’ I suspect you’d probably knock-me-upside-my-head and tell me not to be an idiot and that the wrong was the others. So why could you ever consider you should do so? And most importantly, why would you expect the vast majority to even think otherwise?

    So? accept ‘the fact’ that you, your actions, decisions, choices were never to blame, you are entirely innocent and guilt free. Oh, I know you already ‘know’ that, that others will have told you, but saying it again can’t hurt, and until you Grok it completely you won’t be able to deal, respond or recover.

    You aren’t broken (I know, it’s just a name, but …), like the rest of us (more than some, less, or differently, than others) you’re battered, bruised, have scars, callouses, regrets and maybe even some remorse but … you’re still standing. I thought I was broken too (after some ever so, hopefully, forgettable experiences), then I noticed everyone else was too to one degree or another just like me, that this is normal. Welcome to life, the human condition. At least you (now) don’t have to face it alone. I know he appears to be a danger to all and sundry (especially himself) with power tools but I’m sure he’s more than capable of being the shoulder to lean on (just not too heavily, he’s getting on a bit you know) besides, isn’t there that trite quotation? “Someday you’ll meet someone who’ll hug you so hard all your broken pieces will fit back together”? So get hugging Leggy!

    My thoughts are with you (trite again I know, but true nevertheless).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much for the comment. I must admit I’ve read it a few times now just soaking it in. I was very nervous about doing this post. I knew it was time, I felt ready but I was nervous about the comments. Leggy told me you’ll be okay. They’re a nice group. Another told me that it wouldn’t really matter, and I know it shouldn’t but sometimes you can’t help but still let it.

      Thank you for the bank comparison. I’d never thought of it like that. Your blazer comment even made me smile. You are spot on.
      I think my first step was to admit to myself what had actually happened. This step was me opening up and in a way saying I’m sick and tired of being scared.
      My mother calls me the Iron Lady. She tells people, she may be shy and look fragile but inside she has an iron will. May be time I remembered that.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Nice? Oh come on, I’ve been trying for a bad-boy image for years and that’s what I get?

        You’re welcome, just the facts Ma’am, just the facts (am I multi-talented or what? A Dragnet quote along with everything else).

        There’s an old Sci-Fi story (I forget the title or by whom, Leggy will probably tell you that, the publisher and date as well as the authors inside leg measurement. I do so hate people like that, without my incipient Alzheimer-like memory), set in space where a major emergency occurs to two astronauts. One ‘copes’ by literally ‘going to pieces for a short period’, the other by stoically ‘struggling on’. As the pressure builds, the emergency dragging on and worsening … the second, ground down by the ever increasing, bottled up pressure, completely loses it. The other, after his ‘bit of a tizzy’ knuckles down, copes easily and survives.

        Keeping schtum, bottling it up, being a stoic is not always (very rarely) the best course. It’s not that a ‘problem shared is a problem halved’ it’s that venting some of that pressure (to your friend/SO/cat/dog allows a relief valve, a re-evaluation and often a perspective change). Fact, ‘moaners’ (I know, coz I are one) have significantly less mental health issues than those who don’t, I’ve often wondered whether women have less of certain types specifically because they ‘talk about issues’, it being culturally/socially acceptable, where for men, not so much.

        It’s a good excuse (for being a grumpy old man) and I’m sticking to it.

        And Hey, it’s a very natty blazer. When I wear it out (with my Thomas Nash shirt, RM Williams black jeans and Loakes) all the women … still run screaming . Sigh! (I blame being somewhat aesthetically challenged, lacking in supra-orbital hirsuteness and .. Oh OK, just being generally an ugly old cuss. Life is so unfair at times).

        Liked by 1 person

  6. That is a sad story about criminal assault and abuse of trust, and hopefully it will remind people of the following fact which is this; a piece-of-shit rapist is like any other criminal in that they require means, motive and opportunity to commit an offence. Unfortunately any attempt to instil this fact is looked upon as “blaming the victim” by certain women who point out that getting drunk among strangers isn’t a crime. True enough but a rapist doesn’t find this viewpoint to be much of a hindrance.
    BG was young and unlucky and naive and her friend wandered off and I sympathise with her. In my view, though, the details of the crime and consequences might be brought forth in private to a therapist for maximum benefit. Fixed Girl sounds better.
    If people are reminded to take sensible precautions re: their personal safety then I hope it’s a worthwhile exercise, and also hope that BG benefits from our replies if possible.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Richard

      I see where you’re coming from, and just what you mean, and agree in principle and application but, as I said, where do you stop?

      I’m, due to close to three decades in HM forces (22 + deployed reserve), going to some hard (very hard) places and meeting some very bad people, seeing (and yes doing) some very bad things (I dislike, can’t in some instances, talk about what, if you wish clarification go over to Bayou Renaissance Man’s site and read some of his experiences, mine are similar – and the nightmares, I suspect) so now? I’m one of those sad old men who ‘quarters’ every room/establishment he enters, who can ‘only’ sit with his back to a wall facing the primary entrance (and always notes all exits), watches everybody, dislikes anyone behind me/out of sight, and trusts nobody (other than long time friends/acquaintances, and even then with a pinch of paranoia). One of those people who whilst not quite following the US marine recommendation to “have a plan how to kill every one you meet” does consider/plan how to react/deal with that young man walking towards me a hundred yards away when I go for a pint of milk, where to move and which moves would probably be best if the guy at the counter suddenly throws a punch, and is ready should there be someone with ill intent around every corner. And … even I get caught out by circumstances/people/reactions at times. (see, my humorous suggestion to BG is something I simply cannot stop thinking/preparing for even as I go about a normal, crime and assault free life with the full expectation, and here justified belief that it will not happen).

      Should we all take sensible precautions? Of course, and especially ladies as courtesy of the lefty touchy-feely ‘justice’ system (and a gradual and significant decline in societal standards of behaviour) criminals never actually seem to face even minimal ‘punishment’ now, but … we aren’t talking here of some young drunken lady, dressed in almost nothing, staggering alone down an unlit street in a warehouse district ‘asking for it’. We are talking about a friend/acquaintance she had socialised with with other friends. Someone she had some reason to trust, and have some basis for believing he would act ‘as a normal man rather than a narcissistic rapist’!

      We live in a high-trust society (one where you can lend your lawn-mower to a neighbour in the virtual certainty that you’ll get it back, in working order, and roughly the same decade you lent it as opposed to the familial/tribal societies where the only people who you can vaguely trust not to steal/rape and murder you are family members) and that is based on common assumptions about what behaviour is acceptable. By our cultural/societal norms what this male (I won’t call him a man) did was entirely unacceptable by all civilised metrics, no? (I’ve often thought that those who have a ‘lenient’ approach to criminal justice are actually admitting to a moral lack in themselves. Think of a crime that you would not, could not in any circumstances, see yourself committing – ever. Then think of a crime you could, depending on the circumstances, or that you see as ‘not quite that bad’. Then consider the difference in what you judge as an appropriate punishment for those who commit those differing crimes. Those who believe in leniency, rehabilitation, early-release, community-service, etc. are, in my mind, tacitly admitting that ‘they’ would probably commit that very crime themselves in such a set of circumstances).

      Oh, there are many other facets too. The new, and growing, assumption that all women ‘will’ sleep around. There is an article written by a young(ish) SJW type girl doing the rounds in The US currently where she had an entirely consensual sexual encounter with a friend. She writes that she now feels as if she was ‘pressured’ to agree, that to do otherwise was somehow ‘unacceptable’. She blames ‘cultural, social and educational’ indoctrination by the ‘conservatives’ (of all people to blame?) when in reality it is the feminist agenda that ‘ a real women should, nay must, sleep around with anything with a pulse’ that is more to blame. The virtual death of chivalry, a system that imposed rights and responsibilities on both genders, where a man would treat a lady with respect, provide and protect her was balanced with the fact that ladies ‘would only date/marry men who acted thus’. The feminist/marxist meme has led to a situation now where only the bad-boys ‘get some’ (80% of women sleep with only 20% of men) and women decry ‘all’ men for behaving like the very men they deliberately choose – reward a behaviour and you get more, Duh.

      So, No !, whilst I agree in the principle you state, in this case as described, the onus, the bad decisions and the crime were made only and entirely by the male involved. He probably then, and maybe even still now, believed(s) that socialising together, staying in the same room, was a tacit agreement/consent to ‘his right’ to sex. That’s assuming he even did consider that she would/could not wish, or even have a relevant opinion, to the contrary. I can virtually guarantee that ‘you’ would not have acted thus, so why effectively make an excuse (for that is what it is at least in this instance) for his criminal behaviour?

      Sorry for my being verbose (I have some cream for it) but when you inject intangibles, philosophicals and ‘what ifs’ into a specific set of circumstances the discussion can often both go off at a tangent, and miss the salient facts of that specific event.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Thanks for that thought-provoking reply, which I agree with but. just to be clear I’m not making an excuse for the rapist because BG fell for his apparent kindness which turned out to be a trap. It’s just that criminals don’t care, they don’t empathise with people otherwise they wouldn’t be criminals. People need to know this, and operate accordingly. It’s not paranoia, and shouldn’t be anything other than a background awareness to anything amiss and sticking to a few simple do’s and don’ts. Such as abandoning a friend, which is what happened to give the predator his chance to trick BG, her friend disappeared. She went off alone with a stranger. A woman is not physically strong so what happened later was entirely up to the male, I won’t call him a man, and the bad luck is that out of dozens of kind gents who would have treated her properly, she got targeted by a low-life.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Richard

          Granted, I (hope) I wasn’t impugning otherwise.

          I’m one of those strange ‘gun fans’ (I’ve shot for most of my life and even been lucky enough, out of professional experience, to train with people like Col. Cooper (orange not grey, yey!) and Mas Ayoob) as (as H) “an armed society is a polite society”. A firearm is the ‘only’ article that allows a woman, be she young, old, able bodied or not, to defend herself against a larger, stronger male who wishes her ill.

          It’s a difficult topic where emotions run high and (as my explanation to Roobeedoo may be seen as an example) what is said is not necessarily always what is it taken to mean.

          Liked by 1 person

          • With you there. If you can’t go into a gun shop, buy a revolver and carry it in your pocket then you aren’t in a free society.

            Like

      • ‘we aren’t talking here of some young drunken lady, dressed in almost nothing, staggering alone down an unlit street in a warehouse district ‘asking for it’.’

        If BG had left the pub instead of going home with her rapist, she could have been this ‘drunken lady’ you describe. Would she be asking for it then?

        I’ve done that and, but for the grace of god, could have been raped in a back alley. Would I have been asking for it?

        And what about young men that get drunk, walk home alone or doss down at a ‘friend’s’ house and get raped. It’s not unheard of, and young men REALLY don’t like to admit it if happens to them. The late Captain Ranty wrote very movingly about his experiences, when he was too young to drink, and no one believed him at the time.

        Look, I’m not having a go at you, Able. You seem like a really splendid fellow but we don’t all have the sort of training you’ve had. Nor do we want to. We learn from experience and get on with our lives.

        Poppy, if you ever find yourself having to spend the night with a stranger in their house, and you have no intention of sleeping with that person and you say so, it still might be a good idea to lock the bedroom door behind you before you go to sleep. Able – would that be a sensible precaution for a young man or young woman to take?

        Like

        • Roobeedoo

          Ah, I see I should start using that /sarc tag a little more. It’s (that the ‘she was asking for it’ is) a sore topic with me. I take (serious) offence at that very justification being used as a ‘defence’ by those who know full well that they, or those they defend, have literally no legitimate defence for their actions/behaviour.

          There ‘is’ unwise (often only in retrospect and, mostly, pronounced safely from some comfortable, often well guarded, armchair) behaviour that ‘may’ have left someone more vulnerable to the predators that seem to abound (and seem often to be abetted in their behaviour by the ‘great and the good’ – in their own minds if no one else’s). To me, there is no one ‘ever’ to ‘blame’ other than the perpetrator of the ‘crime’ – the innocent victim blaming that is a common thread most places (often as I’ve said only voiced by those who’d do, and do do, exactly the same but with fortunately a better result). It is ‘exactly’ the same to me as blaming a pedestrian walking down the street for being run over by a drunk-driver who mounts the pavement – seeking an excuse for patently, and inexcusably deviant behaviour.

          Young men (I thankfully have little to no knowledge /experience of CR’s horror or similar) ‘are’ simply more, both vulnerable, and likely to experience physical assault, physical harm and death. But would it be even close to considered acceptable to advise young men not to go out drinking/socialising with their friends ‘on the town’ because of ‘their risky behaviour’ (being in proximity to other drunken young males)? Of course not (and that’s not addressing the fact that most of the violence is often ‘mutual’).

          It’s, as I said, that all life is a risk, but that certain behaviours are culturally/socially unacceptable and rather than ever blaming the victims (even accidentally/incidentally), we should punitively punish the perpetrators rather than pampering to and excusing them.

          Locking the door? Of course it’s a sensible precaution, but are you suggesting that we ‘should’ mistrust all, everyone we know ‘just in case’? Of course not, and I’m not suggesting you are, but that is the road down which we are being forced to travel by the reformer/progressive/ let’s-excuse-every-crime-commited-as-due-to-privelege-or-patriachy. Crimes ‘will’ still be committed, but I’d lay odds if the serious (common knowledge rather than the made up progressive types) crimes faced serious ‘hard-time’ we’d see (like Giuliani New York) a significant reduction in them.

          So, I’d say we probably agree, it’s just my writing skills are equal to my aesthetic appeal ;-p

          Liked by 1 person

          • Able, I’m sorry. It’s just one of those topics that can stir up emotions, especially if it’s about somebody you’ve come to know.

            When I was 22 I went to India on my own and one evening shared dinner at the hotel with an older chap (we’d been chatting by the pool that day), who insisted on seeing me to my room. I drank that evening whilst we were having such a lovely conversation … so when he grabbed me and tried to stick his tongue down my throat. I was taken by surprise.

            Fortunately, I was able to stop the lift and scarper. I got back to my room eventually; it was big hotel and I was totally lost, plus I was afraid he would be waiting on my floor. I locked the door after me, which I know you would do anyway in a hotel, but it made me feel a whole lot safer.

            My boys are 13. They have the whole socialising with alcohol (very possibly drugs, it’s prevalent) to come. I don’t want to hold them back but worrying is part and parcel of the job description for ‘Mother’.

            I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump down your throat.

            Like

  7. I can completely empathise with you on this, as many on the blog circuit know I was in a very abusive marriage for over 25 years, in fact my divorce is finally due this month 3 years after I ran away one day.
    My husband raped me repeatedly over the years, and made me believe it was my fault, for many years I told no one, I assumed no one would believe me after all we were married, No one took marital rape seriously in those days, and it is still the poor womans rape, in fact if you are attacked and raped by someone you know it is always taken with a pinch of salt.
    It takes a huge amount of courage to admit you were raped, and let me say this you must not blame yourself or feel responsible in anyway.
    You did not ask for or encourage this person in any way and have nothing to feel guilt or shame for.
    Please believe me when I say talking about it is the start of healing, it’s a violation that leaves you feeling unsafe and afraid, an when perpetrated by someone you trust it can be ven more destructive.
    Life has a funny way of balancing out eventually. I have learnt to deal with how it made me feel, and I have no intention of letting my ex make me a victim for the rest of my life.
    You never consented ergo it was rape and in no way your fault.
    In the past when I told people my husband rape me I was looked at like I had 2 heads or was some sort of alien quotes like “but he’s your husband, so it’s not rape” did not help. the fact he was always drunk, raging and violent when it happened made no difference apparently, the fact that I begged him to stop had no bearing.
    Well it did, he had no right to violate me that way, and to this day he denies it , and tells everyone I am a liar, but I don’t care anymore because I know the truth, rape is rape.
    In your heart you know the truth too, you were assaulted and raped against your will, now you have to move past that and recover.
    Good luck I feel sure you will be fine. 🙂

    Kath

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh Sweet Pea, that’s a dreadful thing to have happened to you. What the others are saying – it wasn’t your fault – I echo that; you must not blame yourself. Fortunately I was able to run away the couple of times I’ve found myself in situations when the words “Oh Shit!” flashed neon in my head. Unfortunately running wasn’t an option for you, being crushed under that sweaty weight.

    I’d send you virtual hugs but that’s awfully trite. Just know I’m thinking of you … Hugging you with my thoughts ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You’re not Broken Girl, you’re Brave Girl. It wasn’t your fault and you shouldn’t feel that it was – no blame attaches to you. The boy who treated you that way is a despicable coward and the fault is his. It’s a very harsh way to learn how cruel life can be but I hope you can put it behind you and dance on. The overwhelming majority of men are not like that scumbag and I hope you will soon find a more settled and contented path through life. I send you my love.
    Susan

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The dangers of writing stuff late at night. I see that I gave the wrong impression. What I meant to say was very similar to what Able said, “Was it my fault? Did I give the wrong signals?” That sort of thing. That’s what I meant when I said, “Forgive yourself”. The wrong words, I think, but I can think of no others. Oh dear! What I am saying is that if BG did send out the wrong signals, that in no way justified the actions of the rapist, so none of it was her fault.
    I hope that clarifies.

    Liked by 1 person

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